Saikai Academy
by Sai Kunai Blade
Summary: So, this is a spin-off of Yuri-I mean! Yokai Academy where I go to the school, hot chicks lust after me and I'm constantly kicking everyone's ass, Tsukune included. Yes, sorry, he'll be in the story, but mostly as my punching bag and Moka's walking vending machine. Warning, there will be god knows how many references in this story, so just bear with me and get ready to laugh a lot.
1. Prologue

(Okay, so basically, I'm going to change things up a little bit. Since I'm already a little over halfway through my senior year in High School, Yokai Academy is gonna be a college instead. Basic character overview time)

Name: Sai Blade

Age: 18

Awesome facts: controls fire, is a badass ninja, has a type of Super Saiyan transformation with fire

Looks like: Look at the damn author's picture, lazy-asses

Personality: Total badass, ladies man and funny mofo. Enough said.

Bio: Born into a badass ninja clan, I can kick ass with any weapon I pick up and I can control fire, not to mention I make more references than Deadpool for funny effect or to trip up my opponent. I'm also an associate at Devil May Cry, where I'm in a kick-ass relationship with Lady and have a rivalry with Nero that is EXACTLY like Deadpool and wolverine, except I'm usually the one who kicks his ass. But if anyone says I look like Dante or Nero, HELL SHALL BEFALL THEM. Now then, onto the story.

I was relaxing on the couch at DMC, or to be more accurate, I was passed out on the couch with a Victoria's Secret catalog over my face, which secretly, I had a couple pictures of Kyrie in to piss of Nero if he ever found out, hopefully when I wasn't there. Suddenly, I felt it lifted off my face, then someone rolled it up and hit me in the face with it. "Who, what, where, what, what?!" I said, springing up and looking all around.

"You're such a perv." Lady said with a smile, tossing the book over her shoulder.

Unfortunately at that point those pictures I mentioned fell out JUST as Nero walked in and happened to see them. "I'm going to kill you!" He said, pinning me on the couch strangling me with the Devil Bringer.

"Calm down, man! Whatever happened to Bro's before ho's?!" I said, struggling to get the arm off.

"Hey, you two care to actually focus for once? We've got something here." Dante said, holding up a flier to some college.

"You know, somehow, I'm not interested." I said.

"I've got other things to focus on." Nero said, gripping tighter until I sent him flying with a fireball.

"The place is called Yokai Academy. It's a school for monsters and demons and whatnot. We need to figure out what they're about, so we have to send one of you two." He said.

"Nero's going, not it." I said quickly. And don't worry, I'll look out for Kyrie for you." I said.

"If you touch her I swear to God I'll kill you!" He said, diving at me, but I jumped over him.

"Wow, look at the skirts on these girls! It's like they're just throwing themselves out there or they want you to see their panties." Trish said in a sly tone, looking at the flier.

"And every single girl in that poster has a D cup." Lady said in a disgusted, but trying tone. They were TOTALLY playing me.

"And they all just look like they're looking for a man." Dante said, grinning and looking at me.

"O-kay! I totally got this, I'mma check it out." I said, packing stuff. I didn't even need a backpack or anything since my trench coat is apparently magic or something because along with having like 10 pockets, they're all close to bottomless. I packed everything I'd probably need and then walked to the doorway. "So, were is this kick-ass, full –of-hot-women school?" I asked.

"Somewhere in Japan." Dante said.

"Oh, fantastic, I've gotta learn how to read baby writing." I said, then looked to the fans. "Totally kidding, I didn't mean to offend anyone, but seriously, I can't read that stuff. Okay then, next chapter will probably be in a week or so. Just get ready for a lot of references, lame puns and total chaos! Just too bad I couldn't think of any to make this chapter. The next chapter's will be much funnier, though. So prepare to laugh." I said, walking out.


	2. Chapter 1: Vampire Plus lame human

I was on the bus to this mysterious academy in seat number 5 (fun fact, that's actually where I usually sit on the bus ride home at the end of the day), kicked back, relaxed and posed like a badass; my right leg crossed over my left one, leaning up against the seat with my hands behind my head, looking out the window. We stopped to pick up someone and an average looking kid stepped on the bus a little timidly and sat in seat number 2.

(Huh. Not sensing any demonic or monstrous aura from him. He actually seems like a human. Well, he'll sure have an interesting year.) I thought, smirking a little. Then I caught a look at his hairstyle. (What the hell is wrong with his hair?)

"Hey, are you gonna be a new student at the Academy, too?" He asked me.

I looked at him and gave a small nod. I usually do that at first to come up as the stoic badass type like Deathstroke. "Yeah. And you?" I asked.

"Yeah. I was going to be a student for a different college, but I flunked out of the entrance exam." He said, looking down.

(So he IS as stupid as he looks. About right, considering the type of anime this is.) I thought. "Well, at least you're getting in this college. Better this than nothing, right?" I said casually, raising one hand like I was shrugging or didn't know the answer to something (that's the best I can describe it, but they do it in anime all the time, you guys should know what I'm talking about).

"Yeah, I guess you're right." He said.

"Hey, kids. Are you new students at Yokai Academy?" The bus driver asked.

"Huh? Uh, yeah." The other kid said.

"We were just barely talking about that if you paid attention." I said in a tone that made him sound like an idiot.

"In that case, you better prepare yourselves. That's one scary-ass school you're going to." The driver warned.

"And look at the fucks I give." I said uncaringly.

"What do you mean by that?" The kid asked, when suddenly his cell phone rang.

I'm polite enough not to listen in on other people's phone calls, but at that moment, mine started ringing. "Yello?" I asked.

"Hey, Sai, it's Lady. I just wanted to tell you good luck at the school and remind you that if you cheat on me while you're out there I'm gonna blast with 30 rockets and stab Kalina Ann's Bayonetta right into your d-" She started, but then we passed through a tunnel and reception got cut off.

"I don't need to hear the rest of that to know what she meant. Okay, note to self, commitment to my girlfriend." I said, repeating that in my head over and over.

Later, we arrived at the bus stop, observing the landscape, which currently composed of the tunnel, a cliff, an ocean of red water that smelled like blood, so it probably was, a scarecrow marking said bus stop and lastly, a deep, creepy forest.

"Wow, it's like a totally different world on the other side of the tunnel." The kid said in fear.

"I like it," I said, observing the landscape, "certainly beats Deadpool's apartment or DMC after not being cleaned for a month. Dante really needs to start paying Patty better." I said, now drifting off topic.

"Uh, what?" The kid asked.

"Nothing, nevermind. I drifted off there." I explained.

He then noticed the school. "Is that the school over there?" He asked.

"What the hell else could it be?" I asked, my arms crossed.

"I'd watch my back if I were you." The bus driver warned again, closing the doors and driving off.

"Something about that guy I don't like." I said.

"Well, anyway, let's get going, it's creepy out here." He said, obviously scared.

"You wuss. I've stared down into hell before, this is nothing." I said, walking on ahead.

"What? Hey, wait up!" He said, rushing after me. We continued down for a while when suddenly he felt the urge to open his mouth again. "I hope we're going the right way." He said.

"We're walking in the direction we saw the school at. Yes, we're going the right way." I said, still not caring. A swarm of bats came from nowhere and knocked the kid down, to which I rolled my eyes. "Bats knocked you down? You're a manly man aren't you?" I said in a mocking tone.

"No, it's just-." He started.

"Too late, you just admitted you're not manly." I smirked walking a few steps before we both heard a noise.

"What was that?" He asked.

"Probably just more bats. It's nothing, let's just keep going." I said, walking on.

"Whatever it is, it's getting closer." He said, picking up his pace, jogging in a weird way ahead of me.

"Is that how you jog? You really need to learn basic movement and coordination." I said.

The noise picked up again and the kid started panicking. "Oh, no, what the hell is following us?!" He said in fear, looking around.

"Will you stop being such a pansy, it's just bats. Nothing's gonna hurt us out here." I said, pulling out my iPod and playing Eye of the Tiger (Fucking LOVE that song!).

We heard a flapping sound and then looked up. "It's me, a bat! Whee!" A bat called down to us.

"How the hell is that bat talking?" I asked.

"Oh, it was just a bat." The kid said, calming down.

"You're not surprised the bat talked?" I asked. At that moment a chick with pink hair a little longer than Trish's came flying out of the woods from nowhere on a bike, slamming into the kid's back, blowing over the girl's skirt (perverted Funimation) sending them both flying. "Okay, I was half wrong. Nothing hurt me out here, but there was stuff that would hurt him." I said to myself walking over to help, noticing their position: The kid's head and hand on her thighs. "Well, that will be an interesting development when they wake up. Oh, there they go." I said, stepping back a bit as they started to wake up.

"Ow, that hurt." The kick said, putting his hand on her thigh, to which she gave out a small gasp, causing him to notice their position and blush, but not think ahead enough to move his hand.

(No wonder he didn't make it into a higher-standard college if he's THAT stupid.) I thought.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just suddenly got all dizzy." The girl said, moving her hair out of the way, getting an anime background behind her emphasizing her beauty (I think that's what it's for).

"I don't think you're supposed to operate machinery or bikes if that's happening." I commented. Meanwhile, the kid was awestruck at her good looks, not realizing where they were. "Um… You realize you're still grabbing her thigh, right?" I asked.

"Huh?!" He said, alarmed, looking at me, then at his hand, still on her thigh. He struggled to move, but only fell forward a little and his hand wound up on the inside of her thigh, to which she pinned down her skirt.

"Uh… I, uh…" She said.

(She kind of reminds me of Hinata. Although she'd freak out WAY more than that if the kid did that to her.) I thought. "Yeah, I don't think that's any better." I said

They were frozen like that for a minute until the kid finally wizened up (not to be confused with Wyzen from Asura's Wrath) and fell back, pushing himself away a little with his feet, but then flailed like an idiot. "It's not what you think! Really! I'm sorry!" He said, his nose suddenly began bleeding.

"Really? You really are pathetic, aren't you? At least act like you've seen that area or done that before, man." I said, shaking my head.

"Oh! You're bleeding!" She said, pulling out a tissue and getting close to dab away the blood.

(Damn, this kid's getting luckier than I am in my own fanfiction. I cannot let this stand.) I thought, pulling out a couple of sais (3 pronged knives used by ninjas, great defensive weapon, too, by the way). Suddenly, I remembered what Lady had said on the phone. "E-yeah, that's not worth it." I said, throwing them over my shoulder, causing things to crash and a cat to yowl.

Back to the kid, the girl suddenly froze. "I… I can't," She said, holding her chest and, from the look of it, she was breathing heavier, "I shouldn't," She said again, "But, that smell!" She said, breathing heavily again.

"You need a paper bag or something?" I asked

"smell?" The kid said, smelling her hair. "Her hair smells so good!" He said under his breath, swooning, but I heard it enough.

"How much of a perv can you make yourself in the first episode you appear in? And something tells me I'm going to be very surprised about this later." I said.

The girl suddenly looked up at him and grabbed either side of his face. "Sorry, I can't help it. 'Cause I'm a vampire!" She said, leaning in, opening her mouth, which I now see she had vampire fangs and she bit his neck.

"Well, this is certainly a new case of boy meets girl: Girl crashes into boy on bike, boy acts like a perv the first five minutes of getting to know girl, girl drinks boys blood. But I thought every tooth on a vampire was sharp and could drink blood, not just the fangs. Like all of Alucard's teeth are sharp… Or my brother's." I said, back in thought.

The girl suddenly came to her senses and stopped. "Oh! I'm sorry!" She said again.

"You bit me!" He complained, shocked.

"Eh, she's a vampire, man. She can't help it." I said, shrugging again.

At that moment, I finally stopped the third wheel when they both remembered I was there. "Are you both going to Yokai, too?" She asked, although looking mostly at me, before leaning down and picking up the information packet from Tsukune's man purse thing (the little thief!).

"Yep. First year. Can't wait to see if it's all parties like I always hear about college." I said eagerly.

"Yeah, it's my first year, too." The kid said.

"That's great! It's mine, too!" She said happily.

"Well, that's a pleasant surprise." I said.

"Oh. So, Whaddya know?" The kid asked.

"Probably more than you." I said.

"I have to ask," She started, her knees buckling a little, "What do you think about… Well, about vampires?" She asked shyly, turning back and forth a bit.

"I'm fine with them. In fact, a good friend of mine and my brother are both vampires." I said, then though for a second. _"Although, when it comes to Alucard, I do stretch the term 'friend.'" _I said voicelessly and quietly.

"Oh, really?! That's great! Are you a vampire, too, then?" She asked excitedly.

"Uh, no. I don't know what the hell I am. I'm some fire demon type thing mixed with a Super Saiyan mode." I said, although I could tell I confused her.

"They're fine by me. I've got no problem with vampires in the slightest, if you wanna call yourself a vampire, more power to ya." He said.

"Hey! What about Super Saiyan fire demons?!" I asked impatiently.

"I... Guess they're fine, too!" He said, raising his hands up in defense.

"Oh, thank you both!" She said happily, catching us both in a hug that would put a bear hug from Vegeta to shame.

(Crushing… My ribs.) I thought, my eyes popping out a little.

"Well, if that's the case, maybe we can be friends, Whaddya think?!" She asked happily.

"Sounds good." I said.

"Okay, sure." The kid said.

"Fantastic! I was worried because I didn't have any friends here, yet. Oh, yeah, my name's Moka Akashiya by the way." She said.

"Sai Blade." I said, smiling. I always like saying my full name, it's so badass.

"Wow, that's an awesome name!" She said.

"Yeah, it's pretty cool. I'm Tsukune Aono." The kid said.

"Ya know, come to think of it, from the entire bus ride to now, I just realized we didn't know each other's names. Oh, well." I said simply, dismissing it. I then noticed that he was hypnotized or spacing out from how cute Moka was. "Hey, you still paying attention?" I said, flicking his head.

"What? Oh, yeah!" He said, slightly panicked.

"Well, I'll see you guys later, then!" She said, picking up her bike and riding off.

"Just you and me then, huh?" Tsukune asked, looking at me.

"Uh, yeah, no. Don't think so. This is the part where I ditch you." I said, pulling out a skateboard I stole from Death the Kid and rocketing off to the school. "Woohoo! No wonder he has this thing! This kicks ass!" I laughed.

I finally reached the school and took my seat in the last two rows of the class, unfortunately close to Tsukune, who sat one seat in front of me to the right, and in front of some blue haired girl. The teacher finally stepped up in front of the room at that point. "Well, hello class. If you're new here, welcome to Yokai Academy!" She said happily. "My name is Shizuka Nekonome and I'll be your teacher." She said, raising one hand like a kitten batting at something.

(Well, I wonder why she could possibly be named THAT?) I thought sarcastically. Looking over, I saw Tsukune was apparently fawning over something, or having some stupid fantasy, all I know was he was being irritatingly happy. "Stop being annoyingly happy." I told him.

"Well, I'm sure that most of you already know this fact, but Yokai is an INCREDIBLY unique school, one that's exclusively for monsters." She said, still happily.

(Yeah, we know. Just what you're teaching the monsters is what I'm interested in, however.) I thought. Once again, I looked over at my human "friend" to see he was still unfazed. "I am going to tear the happy right out of your soul." I said.

The teacher then continued. "Currently, this planet is well under the control of humans, so in order for monsters like you and me to survive, class, the only option we have is to learn how to coexist with them!" She said, pointing her stick at us.

(Well, that's a good enough goal, but none of these people look like monsters.) I thought curiously. I looked over to finally see Tsukune look surprised and confused, raising his hand slightly. "Looks like this will be a hard 4 years for you." I smirked.

"Which brings us to: our first rule! Except for special circumstances, as long as you're on campus, you must always remain in your human form." She said.

(Well, that answers my question.) I thought.

"Rule number 2! Never EVER reveal your monster identity to another student. I'm sure you can see why. Everyone WILL follow these rules, right?" She asked happily.

(I can INDEED see why. Well, the only people who know mine are Tsukune and Moka. I could always kill Tsukune. It'd be another idiot out of my life, too.) I thought.

"Bunch of boring rules." The dude in front of me said. He wore his uniform loosely and had an annoying number of piercings.

The teacher looked confused for a minute and grabbed her attendance book. "And you are… Ah, Saizou Komiya!" She said happily again.

(I can tell I'm not gonna like this guy.) I thought.

"If we do spot a human, why not just eat him? That's what I would do anyway. I'd start with the women." He said in a wannabe sly tone, sticking out a rather long tongue.

(AND there it is.) I said, reaching for the sais in my pocket.

The teacher spoke up again. "Well, now. There's no chance of that happening. Because at this school, all the students and teachers are monsters. So, no exceptions, got it?" She asked, a tail popping out from under her skirt and the tufts of her hair that looked like cat ears suddenly sprang up.

(Not anymore.) I said, glancing at Tsukune.

"You see, this school is enclosed in a magic barrier, but even if a human got through somehow and wandered in here, they would be killed immediately!" She said happily.

Needless to say, this was a little shocking to me. They want to coexist with humans, but if one comes through, they'll kill them. I raised my hand at this moment. "Isn't that an oxymoron? We're learning to coexist with humans, but if they come here, we kill them? Seems like the opposite of coexisting. And don't you think you explained that a little too lightly or happily?" I asked.

"Meow?" She said.

"Never mind." I sighed. It's not too bad, but it's certainly not perfect.

At that point, Tsukune passed out for a second and dropped his book. Saizou noticed and looked over, but Tsukune picked it up and hid his face behind it. Saizou kept looking at him with his tongue sticking out, though. Kinda creepy. "Say what you want, but I swear, I've been smellin' a human this whole time." He said, causing Tsukune to freeze in fear.

The door suddenly slid open and I saw a familiar, sexy figure: Moka's. "I'm so sorry I'm late." She said, bowing her head.

"Oh, don't worry, it's alright. Go ahead and introduce yourself." The teacher said.

Moka complied and stepped in front of the class. "Hi! I'm Moka Akashiya!" She said, an anime aura of cuteness around her again.

All of the guys and even some of the girls were either staring at her or giving each other looks to show how excited they were about seeing her and wanting to get with her. Some of the guys leaned close to each other and started saying perverted things. "Look at her, she is so hot!" One of them said to another.

"Totally, I think I'm in love!" The other one said.

I raised my hand again at this moment. "Am I the only guy in this room that isn't a COMPLETE jackass perv?" I asked.

At that moment, she opened her eyes and saw me and Tsukune. "Tsukune, Sai, it's you! I'm so glad we're in the same class." She said, apparently teleporting across the room and grabbing us in a suffocating hug.

"Can't breathe! Crushing my throat!" I said, tapping out until I passed out and an anime halo floated up out of my head.

A little bit later, we walked through the school together, her holding on to Tsukune's arm, half dragging him through the school while I just walked beside them with my arms crossed, half to look like a badass, half because I was wondering how I was still alive after she crushed my throat. All I did know was EVERYONE was looking at us angrily, shouting death threats and Moka's skirt was blowing up way too much. We finally reached a vending machine. Thank god, because I hadn't had a drink for a while and my throat was sore. Out of the goodness in my soul, I let Tsukune and Moka get their drinks first, Tsukune getting either a coffee or a chocolate drink and Moka getting tomato juice, for some reason, I wasn't surprised (oh, by the way, this is sad, but it's funny, one time after I was watching an episode of RV at school at the end of the day, after I went outside, I went to talk to one of my friends and I almost called him Tsukune).

They both reached for their drinks at the same time, causing their hands to touch and of course, like a pussy, Tsukune just jumped away. "I-I'm sorry!" He apologized.

Moka just looked at him, then giggled. "Oh, you're silly!" She said, giving him a friendly push, throwing him into a pillar, somewhat shattering it.

"Whoa, may wanna watch how much strength you put in that, Moka." I said, surprised she could so easily do that, before I remembered she was a vampire and he was a human, then I put some money in the machine and got myself a root beer.

We sat down on a bench, opened our drinks and started drinking. "This is fun, huh?" Moka asked. Tsukune looked away for a moment and Moka got concerned, but then he took a drink and she calmed down and took one as well. I also just took a drink for the hell of it.

All of a sudden, I got a bad feeling. "I sense a douchebag nearby." I said in a cautious tone.

"Hey there, sexy. You said your name was Moka Akashiya, right?" Saizou said, appearing from around a corner like a creepy pedo stalker.

"Fucking called it." I said in an annoyed tone.

In an instant, he had Tsukune by the neck. "What's a hot babe like you doing with a numb-nuts like this guy?" He asked, glaring at Tsukune.

"Better to be a numb-nuts than a douche." I said, glaring at him.

He smirked at me and threw Tsukune into the vending machine, turning to me. "What, you want some, too?" He asked.

"Oh? See, that would be intimidating if you were… Well, intimidating." I laughed.

"Are you mocking me?!" He asked, his muscles growing slightly.

"Oh, no. No, no no no-pfft, yeah!" I said, pulling out Nero's revolver, the Blue Rose and blasting him in the chest with it, sending him flying. "Shot through the heart!" I said like how Bon Jovi says in their song. "You done goofed." I said, blowing away the smoke coming out of the barrels.

Later, we were on the roof… for no reason. "Wow. That was pretty scary." Moka said.

"Yeah, but we got a bunch of free drinks out of it and I got another chance to show why I'm a badass. Good thing I was there." I said, trying a can of tomato juice.

"Are you sure you're okay after that?" Moka asked.

"He's fine, I've got a friend who gets impaled on a daily basis and laughs about it, that was nothing." I said, throwing the empty can over my shoulder, which landed perfectly in a recycling container.

"Yeah, I'm alright. He was really strong, though." Tsukune said.

"That wasn't too impressive. I can throw a tank with one hand." I said.

Tsukune looked concerned for a minute, then looked at Moka and I. Moka looked confused, but then giggled. "Oh, Tsukune, you're so funny! Back there you almost acted like you've never seen a monster before." She said, patting his back. "So, what kind of a monster are you anyway?" She asked, then looked like she remembered something. "Oh, wait, we're not supposed to reveal that to each other." She said.

(Well, he certainly dodged a bullet there.) I thought, then thought something else. (If I keep talking in my head like this, that's all I'm gonna wind up doing! Like that deadbeat Kyon from Haruhi Suzumiya's anime.)

"But you and Sai told me what you are." Tsukune said.

"Well, we didn't know that was a rule then." Moka said sheepishly.

"Besides, we weren't on the school grounds, anyway." I answered.

"You know, you don't look like a vampire much, Moka." Tsukune said, looking at her.

"Yeah, and I don't look like a fire monster or Super Saiyan right now, do I? It's called disguising yourself. Like why Dante hides his sword and guns in a guitar case." I said.

"Well, I don't look like that right now, but…" She said, pulling her shirt open slightly. "Look." She said.

We both looked, but at two different things. I assumed that she was referring to the shiny necklace with the pretty red jewel, but Tsukune was looking at something else.

"Ooh, shiny." I said.

Tsukune panicked however. "Look at what?! I can't look there!" He said, freaking out.

"She meant the pretty necklace, you perv." I said, hitting him in the back of the head.

"It's okay, guys. Look at the Rosary on my chest. If I were to take this off, I would change. I would turn into my true form, a powerful and terrifying vampire." She said.

I pulled out a notepad at that point to jot down a note. "Note to self: Do not remove the pretty, shiny necklace from Moka's choker." I said (Yes, I like shiny things. It's not exactly distracting, but they're just pretty).

"A real vampire?" Tsukune said quietly.

"That's why I wear it, as a charm to seal my powers away. I can't even take it off myself." She said, holding it close.

"If it's as scary as you make it sound, probably a good idea." I said with a nod.

"That's okay." Tsukune said, drawing both of our attentions. "Even if you get a little scary sometimes, I'm sure you're still the same Moka." He said.

"Yeah, sure, why not." I said.

"I knew you'd understand! You two are my first friends here!" She said, tackling and hugging us again.

"I don't mind hugs, but can you stop squeezing my throat?" I asked, before passing out again.

"Oh and you're my first in another way, too, Tsukune." She said.

"In what way?" He asked.

(I'm kinda starting to feel like the 3rd wheel here.) I thought.

"Until now, all I've ever had was tomato juice and transfusion packs. I never sucked anyone's blood before yours today." She said in a slightly dreamy tone.

"Ouch! You're her personal smoothie machine, man!" I laughed, shaking Tsukune's shoulders. "Yeah, I think I'd prefer blood over tomato juice, though, I'm not too crazy about that stuff." I said (I don't like tomato soup or V8's, so why would tomato JUICE be any different).

"It tasted so sweet, so rich. That feeling. I'll never forget it." She said, leaning in closer, getting her mouth closer to Tsukune's neck and my hand, which I quickly moved.

Suddenly, Tsukune freaked out and pushed her back a bit. "I'm sorry. I have to go! See ya later!" He said, taking off.

"But, wait…" She said.

"Some people just don't have any manners." I said, shrugging.

"Do you think he's okay?" She asked.

I thought for a second and decided I PROBABLY shouldn't tell her he was a human. "Yeah, maybe. He probably just had to go to the bathroom or something." I said.

"Maybe we should go check on him." She said.

I just started laughing. "Why would I do that?" I said, continuing to laugh until she pulled out a small knife with a serrated back to it. "Uh, sure, why not?" I said nervously.

Meanwhile, Tsukune was running through the halls, freaking out that everyone around him was actually a monster and the way he was running made it look like he crapped himself. Seriously. Later, he had all of his valuables and stood just outside of the school gates, looking back at it. "I don't think this school's for me." He said, turning to leave.

At that point, we found him and caught up to him. "Tsukune!" Moka called. He turned around to see us and I just raised a hand to say what's up. Moka panted a little bit, but the spoke again. "You were acting kinda weird back there." She said.

"I just… I think I should go to a human school." He said.

"Not surprised. _Much better fit for a human, anyway."_ I said, whispering that last part (hence the italics)

"A human school? Why?" Moka asked, shocked.

He turned around to look at us. "Look, I really like you, Moka and you're cool, too Sai, I just can't stay here!" He said assertively.

"_That's probably the most assertive he is throughout this show._ I'm not stopping you, if you wanna go, then you can go, it's your decision." I said.

Moka on the other hand, completely disagreed. "No way." She said, withdrawing herself (that's the best way I can describe it), then rushed forward and tried to grab his bag from him (I told you she's a thief!). "You can't go to a human school! You can't!" She said.

"Moka, please!" Tsukune said, trying to get it back from her (I'm surprised he can keep a hold of it with her strength).

She let go a little bit and looked down. "I'm sorry, it's just that I really don't like humans very much." She said.

"That's racist." I told her.

"They can be cruel. I know because I attended human schools all the way up through Junior High." She said.

"You're clumping them all together, that's still being racist." I said.

"I was lonely, because humans… Well, they don't believe in monsters."She said.

"I know plenty of humans that believe in monsters, you need to stop clumping them all together. In fact, I date a human who for a fact KNOWS about monsters" I told her.

"I felt so different. It was like I shouldn't even be there. That's all I ever thought about while I was there." She said.

"Well, that's just you being a little insecure. If you don't try to reach out and connect with people, you're never going to. Like my brother. He's always been more of the loner type, the only reason he has friends is because people made the effort to be friends with him, or he was forced to work in groups of people." I said.

"But then you guys said you didn't mind vampires." She said, looking up, happy again, despite tears running down her face. "And for the first time in my life I didn't feel alone anymore." She said, wiping those tears away.

"My brother has a saying, 'You're never alone, because there are always people around you everywhere. Even the people who live in their own little world, they just have to share it.'" I said (Yeah, he really doesn't understand and gets annoyed when people say they feel alone).

"But still…" Tsukune said, getting our attention back. "What if I turned out to be one of those humans you hate so much? Would you still like me?" He asked.

"I don't hate you for being a human, I hate you for being a stupid, annoying perv." I said.

Moka, meanwhile, was silent. Her face changed and she looked almost scared.

"I'm a… human." Tsukune said.

"Yeah, I already knew that." I said, nodding.

"What?! How?" He asked.

"Your scent and the fact you have no monster/demon aura around you." I told him.

"I'm sorry, but that's what I am. The only reason I'm here is because of a major mix-up!" He said, closing his eyes.

"I guess so, jeez. What, did your drunken dad try to hit on a nun and picked up an info packet on this school? Makes me wonder how Dante found out about this school?" I said, thinking of him being drunk and chasing after a nun, then of the time he was so drunk he proposed to a mop.

Moka slowly backed away. "You're lying. You have to be, no human could've gotten in here!" She said.

"You know, you're right, I don't get it. If there's a magic barrier protecting this place from humans, how did he slip through? Man, plot devices can be pretty inconsistent." I said.

"I should've known you'd look at me like that!" He said in a dejected tone.

"Is it really true, Tsukune?" She said, reaching out for him, oblivious to the fact I was nodding.

"Just stay away from me!" He snapped. "You hate humans, don't you?! Well, that's okay! I don't need you! I don't need monsters for friends anyway!" He started sobbing, cringing up.

"Wow. You two are both very racist." I said, looking back and forth, unsure of who to agree with. (Let's see, I'm dating a human, but I'm more on the fence with demons and monsters.) I thought, deep in the conundrum.

Moka looked shocked and absolutely rejected and Tsukune took a pose like a woman who just got scared or offended, looking like he was about to cry, then just ran off.

"Tsukune, wait!" Moka pleaded.

"Well, there's another idiot out of my life. It feels good." I said, looking over to Moka, seeing she had the knife back out. "Um… What do you say we go look for him? I'll go check the bus stop." I said, flying off on the skateboard.

I got a little ways before with my hearing, which is comparable to Dante and Nero's; I heard something nearby where Moka was. "So where do you think you're going? Stick around, babe." The voice said. It was Saizou's.

"Well, I guess he didn't learn the first time." I said, flying down as quickly as I could.

"Sorry, but I'm busy now." Moka said in a confident tone.

I heard him chuckling, but then I felt an alarming rise in his monster aura. He was changing. "How about gettin' busy with my true form! I'm an orc!" He said, his voice changing.

"Like the stupid ugly guys from Lord of the Rings? This won't be too hard. Looks like he's gonna try and molest her now. I will avenge all women he has wronged!" I said in a heroic tone, landing and looking for where they were. I heard her scream along with his laughter. "I won't let you hurt my friends." I said, rushing in.

"Hey, babe, what's the deal? I showed you my true form, why don't you show me yours? Don't tell me a sexy little thing like you is shy?" he said.

"For one, it's against school rules." She said.

"We're outside of school now, so that rule doesn't mean crap to me!" He said. I showed up just in time to see him wrap his tongue around her leg and slam her into a tree. "Now it's time we really get busy. Spread 'em!" He said, walking up to her.

"Can't let you do that, Saizou." I said, referencing Wolf O'Donnell and his infamous line from the Star Fox game.

"Oh, you again! What did you think you can take me in my true form? You can't be anything special! You couldn't even be a B Class monster!" He laughed.

"Make your jokes while you can, Saizou. You're not dealing with the average, run of the mill monster, anymore. I am a Super Saiyan! Also some kind of… fire… thing. I've risen beyond the limits of a normal monster and into the realm of legend! The legend that many fear. Known throughout the monster world as the most powerful warrior to ever exist! I can now see the peak of your power, whereas I haven't even tapped into mine." I said confidently.

"Is that so? Then show me!" he said, striking his tongue out at me. I extended my arm and let out a steady stream of fire, like a flamethrower and roasted his tongue.

"No. You aren't worthy! I only do something that badass when it is truly needed." I told him.

"Bullshit! You aren't doing it because you can't! There's no way someone as puny as you could be that strong! Stop bragging about power you don't have!" He said, rushing at me.

"Bitch, you just jealous o' mah suppah Saiyan swagger!" I said, taking a fighting stance. I threw a side kick at him stomach, doubling him over and knocking the wind out of him, then I flipped in midair and threw him off of my leg over a cliff. "Like a bitch." I said, following him.

Unfortunately, Tsukune came from the way I threw him and collided with the orc, sending them both over a cliff.

"Tsukune!" Moka said, running off the cliff after us.

Tsukune rolled clear of Saizou, who now struggled to get back up. It was a good thing he rolled clear though, because shortly after he did, I hit Saizou on a motorcycle. "Ass kicking on motorcycles!" I said, driving real fast towards the tunnel, then stopping real fast, sending him slamming into the tunnel wall. "I said it once, I'll say it again: You done goofed." I laughed, driving back over to Tsukune and Moka.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Forgive me! I guess monsters and humans are too different to get along!" She said, crying.

"Don't cry." Tsukune said.

"Look at me, I'm a vampire. We suck people's blood and hurt them in the process. The truth is, back at my old school, all I really wanted was a friend, whether it was a human or a monster. I didn't care. But now, I think maybe it isn't possible." She said.

"You know, not to be a jerk, but he's getting back up. You guys should focus on running while I continue to be a badass and kick his ass." I said, revving up my bike.

"What's with all this lovey-dovey shit?" He demanded, rushing at us.

"Kaioken!" I said, bursting in red energy, rushing at him and getting ready to hit him with the bike.

"Kaio-what?" He asked before I started kicking his ass again.

"Even if you are a vampire, I still… I still… like you." Tsukune said, putting his hand on Moka's shoulder, before he passed out for a second and his hand slipped and took off the Rosary.

Suddenly, Saizou and I both sensed a massive burst of monster energy and turned to see the cause. Bats were suddenly swarming around Moka, flying into her and being absorbed by her from the look of it. A bat flew into her ass and she became curvier. Another on flew into her boobs and they grew AT LEAST 2 cup sizes. Then her hair faded from pink to silver, like mine. She then opened her eyes, which were now a piercing red.

Saizou took the opportunity while we were watching this to grab me and hold me, getting ready to take a bite out of me.

"Kaioken times 2!" I announced, putting more power into it.

"Times what?" He asked as I delivered another ass kicking.

I looked back to see Moka now covered by bats, as if they were mummifying her. "Hey, Moka? You okay?" I asked, walking over, looking at the strange condition while Saizou was freaking out.

The bats slowly fell off until they all swarmed away to reveal the new even sexier Moka. She moved her hair out of the way and put a hand on her hip. "So, then, I suppose the one who woke me up was you, huh?" She asked, her voice a little lower. She then looked at me and, as if instinctively, I raised my hands in surrender, like I do after Nero corners me and makes the Devil Bringer big enough to crush Dante. "I wouldn't mind getting a chance to fight you later. But that will have to wait." She said, glaring back at him.

"It can wait for quite a while." I said.

"She's an S-class Super monster! A real vampire!" Saizou said in fear. Moka actually wasn't doing much of anything. She was just stretching for the most part, then jumped up and down a few times to limber up her footwork. "No! This isn't right! She's only looking at me, but I can't stop shaking!" He said, then looked like he was trying to collect himself. "Hey, get it together, man, 'cuz if you took down a vampire…" He thought, getting some of his cocky arrogance back.

"It's not happening." I said, glaring at him.

Moka yawned, putting her hand in front of her mouth, then glared at him again. "It's time for you to know your place." She said, sounding annoyed. She merely lifted her leg and did a simple kick, sending him skidding across the ground all the way back to the cliff wall, which he slammed into hard, breaking most of it away.

"Yes, ma'am, I will remember that." He said, passing out.

"So quick, whee!" The bat said, flying off.

(All of a sudden, all that training I did with the Mishimas doesn't seem to be worth much. And I even took on a freakin' bear.) I thought. She looked at me and I stepped back for a second, but then regained myself. "Um… Not impressed, I can do that, too." I said.

"We'll have to see about that, won't we?" She asked.

"Um… Hey, we should go check on Tsukune." I said, pointing behind her as Tsukune started to get back up. She walked over to him and caught him before he passed out. "Buffy the vampire slayer be damned. I wonder what is stronger, Nero's fist or her leg? I don't wanna be the one to find out, though." I said to myself.

Moka put the Rosary back on and changed to her normal self again, falling to her knees in exhaustion, she then pulled Tsukune so his head was resting on her thigh like a pillow. He woke up shortly after that. "Oh, thank goodness, you're finally awake, Tsukune." She said in a relieved tone. "Hey, are you alright? You aren't hurt anywhere, are you?" She asked, looking him over.

He looked dazed, but then picked up the bus schedule. "The bus… What? It doesn't come here on different times, but different days?! What, am I reading this right? The bus only comes here once a month!?" He panicked.

"Mhm. Didn't you know?" Moka asked happily.

"Well, since I can't get reception, I'm guessing it's gonna be a while before I can check back in with the gang. I miss Lady already. Hell, by the time I get back, I might even miss NERO." I said out loud.

"Wow, sounds like you have an interesting group of friends, huh?" Tsukune asked, turning his head to me.

"If I don't count you, then yes." I said.

With the way his head was turned, Moka could now clearly see the bleeding scratch on his cheek. "Oh, no, you're bleeding! Here, let me help you." She said, getting out a tissue.

"Um… Maybe I should help him." I said, remembering what happened before. Then I saw some large birds. "Oh, well, they're not pigeons, but maybe I could still make them my messengers." I said, about to walk over and try to catch some, but then, Moka finished wiping the blood away and held the tissue close to her nose.

"Oh… I'm sorry, but I just can't resist the smell." She said, leaning in and sucking his blood again.

"Well, now he's bleeding more. Hey, she drank his blood twice, shouldn't HE be a vampire?" I wondered.


	3. Chapter 2: Succubus Plus Badass

I woke up in my dorm room I got entirely to myself and stretched, heating up to about 1200 degrees Fahrenheit at the same time to soothe my muscles. "Okay then, time to start another irritating school day. I wonder how deep Ms. Nekonome is going to pry into the fascinating world of cats?" I said in an annoyed tone. I found out what I needed to, now I just wanted to leave get back to the gang, make out with Lady, piss off Nero, my average day-to-day. But I'm stuck here dealing with an annoying, whiney, dumbass human who's constantly pissing himself about being in a school for monsters and a sexy vampire who I can't touch and expect to keep my manhood who does more annoying friendship speeches than Tea from Yu-Gi-Oh. I walked out and bumped into Tsukune. "What's up today?" I asked.

"Nothing, just getting some water." He said.

We passed by two guys who were out of human form, then as I was about to walk out and leave Tsukune to his things, I noticed everyone except for me (Tsukune doesn't count because he IS human) was out of their human form. "Jeez, doesn't anyone know how to control their thing? If a teacher comes by and sees this, they'll be pissed." I said, walking away, going off to be a badass.

Later…

Tsukune was walking down a path to the school when the three guys behind him turned to see a certain someone. "Hey, check it out, it's her." The first one said.

"Oh, yeah, that new student, Moka." The next one said in a failing to be sly tone.

"She's so hot it should be illegal!" The last and most pathetic one said, clasping his hands together like a bitch, steam blowing out of his nose.

Moka was walking down the path towards them, humming a tone. Suddenly, she saw something and looked at their direction happily, walking forward. The three of them assumed she was looking at them and ran towards her, but she apparently teleported again, passed them and grabbed Tsukune's arm. "Morning! So nice to see you!" She said happily.

"Good morning to you, too, Moka!" He said happily as they walked away, much to the anger of the pathetic pervs.

"That bastard Tsukune! He doesn't look like much, but apparently he was tough enough to beat the crap out of that guy Saizou Komiya!" The first one said angrily.

(Who the hell said HE beat Saizou! That was mostly me being a badass and Moka finishing him off after I weakened him!)

"So, where's Sai?" She asked.

"I don't know. I saw him earlier, but then he left." He said uneasily.

"What's with you this morning?" She asked, looking at him closely, then taking his hand. "Let's go!" She said excitedly, rushing a bit.

The three of them began crying miserably, but then behind them, hiding behind a tree, was a certain someone, glaring mysteriously.

"So, Tsukune? I imagine you're feeling kinda lonely being surrounded by monsters." Moka said."So if you ever need anything, just ask. I'll help however I can." She said happily.

"Thank you." He said, looking at her admirably (Before anyone asks, yes. I am going to skip their stupid fawning over each other unless I'm around, in which case, I'm gonna attack Tsukune when that happens).

"It's too much. I overslept and didn't have time for breakfast." She said, collapsing into Tsukune a little.

"I've got you. What is it?" He asked (She just explained the problem, dummy).

"I'm sorry." She said, biting him and sucking his blood.

He panicked and ran around in little circles like a dumbass having an epileptic seizure, holding his neck, then looked at her. "You can't treat me like I'm your breakfast!" He said, running off.

"I'm sorry." She said, but too quietly for him to hear.

Meanwhile, at the pond in the woods…

I was relaxing in a tree after some kick-ass training, listening to "Make it Rain" By Lil' Wayne, making my own words in between the make it rain parts. "I'm fighting Monsterous terror, when the blood starts flowing, better get an umbrella!" *I make it rain, I make it rain* "You think that Nero is better, well this mofo'in' ninja's gonna show you the true face of terror!" *I make it rain, I make it rain* "Then you'll finally see, that Vergil's son is not a badass 'cuz that right belongs to me!" *I make it rain, I make it rain* "I'm the whole damn show! So go on, join Nero, 'cuz I'll see you in hell!" I finished. Suddenly, I heard some more bitchy whining. "Oh, here we go." I said, looking down to see Tsukune.

"It doesn't hurt that much and she doesn't leave a scar, but still there's no getting around the fact that Moka's a vampire." He said, checking his neck.

"She drank your blood again, huh?" I asked, spinning to the side, off of the branch and landing like Iron man would after dropping from the sky. "She can't help it. She's a vampire, she has to do that. She can't produce her own Hemoglobin, so she needs someone else's. Plus, she's new to having the real thing, so she's excited to try it as much as she can. It's like a kid when you give them a cookie; they just want more and more. Eventually, she'll probably get tired of it, though." I said, checking over my note cards quickly to see if the thing I said about the Hemoglobin was right. It was.

"I see. What if that other Moka is the real one, though?" He asked in fear.

"The sexier, more badass one, you mean? She is." I said.

"What?! How do you know?!" He asked, panicking.

"The Rosary seals her TRUE self. She even fucking said that right to our faces. Dumbass." I said, hitting him in the back of the head when I said "dumbass".

"Between her and the other students, how am I gonna make it in this scary-ass place!" He said, bawling like a baby.

"Calm down, your tears are getting on my trench coat." I said, wiping them off, backing up. "The other Moka's not trying to kill you; she's on your side. And I'm here, too. And while I don't like you, it's kind of my job to make sure monsters and demons don't hurt humans." I told him. (If I let that happen, Dante would kick my ass.) I thought.

Suddenly, we both heard something and looked over to see a blue-haired girl on the ground on her knees, holding her chest. "Please, help me!" She said.

Tsukune ran around and I jumped onto a floating branch in the water, then jumped to where she was, crouching a little to help her. "Are you okay?" I asked, Tsukune saying the same thing.

"It just hit me. I'm so dizzy." She said, looking up, revealing she was as beautiful as Moka at least. Not to mention she had GIANT boobies. "I'm sorry, but could you give me a hand." She asked.

"Of course." I said, helping her up. (This doesn't count as cheating. I'm just helping her up. Lady can't argue that, can she?) I thought.

I helped her up and she leaned into Tsukune a little bit, pressing her boobs into him, causing him to freak out again. "Is something wrong?" She asked.

"Um… No, nothing at all! Let's get you to the nurse's office." He said, turning her around in the right direction as I held onto her to keep her up.

We got to about the place we first were where Saizou threw Tsukune into a vending machine and I shot him through the heart. "I'm sorry to put you out like this, Sai. You too, Tsukune." She said politely, turning to face us.

"Don't mention it." Tsukune said nervously.

"Yeah, it's no problem. We weren't doing anything anyway." I said.

Suddenly, we both noticed something. "Wait, how do you know our names?" Tsukune asked.

The girl looked surprised for a minute, but then smiled and waved dismissively. "Oh, don't be silly. We are in the same class after all. In fact, you sit right in front of me, Sai." She said.

"Oh, yeah. I thought you looked familiar." I said.

Suddenly, there was a flashback back to when Tsukune dropped his book after learning the school was for monsters and Kurumu looked at him sneakily, then at me.

"See?" She asked Tsukune, looking at the flashback.

"See? What am I supposed to be seeing?" Tsukune asked.

"He can't break the fourth wall." I explained.

She started giggling, but then she fell, but luckily, I caught her. "You okay?" I asked.

"I'm sorry. It's because of this weird condition I have with my body. Every now and then my breasts sort of cramp up." She said.

"Your breasts!?" Tsukune panicked.

"Will you calm down? Honestly, any time something even close to sexual happens, you either get a nosebleed or start panicking." I told him.

"Yeah, my breasts, they just get all tight like they're being squeezed or something!" She said, rubbing them on my chest, which caused some weird bouncing noise.

(Life is good. As long as Lady doesn't find out about this.) I thought, keeping my hands behind my back.

"Sai? Tsukune?" She asked.

"Yes?" we asked.

"Look into my eyes." She said, lifting up her head. "Listen. My name is Kurumu Kurono. And I want you both to be my friends." She said.

Suddenly, I felt really dizzy and like I wasn't in my right mind, I felt off-place and like I was gonna pass out, like I was when I was absolutely beside myself in rage after the Ryu Hayabusa vs. Strider Hiryu Death Battle, except in this case I wasn't absolutely livid. Being her friend sounded like the best thing in the world.

"Oh, hell yeah, we can be friends!" I said, hugging her. (Wait, what the hell am I doing?! I just met her! This is crazy!) I thought, trying to stop myself, but it's like my body was moving without my mind telling it what to do.

"I'd love to be friends with you!" Tsukune said, also hugging her as I managed to regain myself, but only enough to let go.

"Tsukune, you're such a naughty boy!" She laughed as he now hugged her from behind, his hands close to her boobs.

(You can do this! You've dealt with things like this before, like when Nero gave you pot brownies, or when Trish spiked your drink at that party. Just think of something! Think of like what Lance is doing right now. Yeah, that's it! Think of that!) I thought, imagining of the hell my brother is probably getting himself into.

Somewhere at a Twilight convention…

There was no one in the room any longer who was not pointing an assault rifle at the ninja in the middle of the room, dressed in a light blue shirt with serpent dragons all over it and colorless silk sleeves, similar black pants and the ninja split toe shoes on, with a long katana on his back. "All I said was vampires don't sparkle." He said. The guns then fired, ripping him to shreds.

"All Twilight haters must die!" They cheered.

Suddenly, the bloody corpse started to reform until my brother was back to normal. "You done goofed." He said, drawing his sword and in a flash, killing all of them, except for one, who put a pistol in his mouth and pulled the trigger. "Pussed out like a bitch!" He laughed.

(Yeah, that sounds about right.) I thought. I was getting myself back more and more. There was only one thing I did know at the moment, this girl was bad news.

"Tsukune? Sai?" Moka's voice said. I finally snapped all the way out of it and looked at her, she looked confused and like she was being cheated on. "What's going on? Who is that?" She asked.

"Moka…" I said somewhat weakly, regaining myself (when you work one area, it's hard to work another. That and I'm assuming it'd be exhausting to break a mental hold on yourself).

"Who am I? I'm in their class, we're friends now." She said, looking at Tsukune, then at me. "Right, Stud muffin?" She asked.

(It's probably a good idea to keep away the fact I broke the charm.) I thought. "Yeah, of course we are, honey! _Whatever floats your boat, Princess."_ I said energetically, but whispering that last part in a cold tone.

"Right. We're in the same class, babe." Tsukune said, hugging her tighter.

(I know he knows what's going on LESS than I do, but it's still pathetic he's not even trying to fight it.) I thought.

"Well, we should get going, guys. Because class is about to start." She said, using her charm on Tsukune again, then turned and used it on me.

(Godammit!) I thought. We started to walk off, me not being able to move my legs in the opposite direction. (I am going to tear the life out of her.) I thought.

"Wait, hold up, guys!" Moka said.

"No. I don't wanna wait for you. I'm tired of being used as a substitute for your breakfast." Tsukune said, shocking Moka and obviously hurting her feelings.

(Oh, that's just awful.) I thought, managing to rip myself free with that, wanting to make sure Moka was okay. I may act like a bad guy sometimes, but when you get to know me, I'm fairly sentimental and caring. I silently walked back, since she was now focused on Tsukune.

"How awful! To think she uses you for breakfast. Let's get out of here before she has you for lunch, too." She said.

"Yeah, that's a good idea." Tsukune said.

"Sorry about that, Moka. I can't believe I'm standing up for him, but it's not his fault. It's that girl. I don't know what she is, but she's got the power to manipulate people's minds, apparently. Tsukune's hooked by her spell, that's why he said that. I managed to free myself by thinking of funny things." I explained.

"Well, then we should do something." She said.

"What do you want me to do? If I look in her eyes, she's gonna get me with it again." I said.

In class, much as I predicted, Ms. Nekonome was only running it about authors who featured cats in their literature. "Why do I even bother coming to class?" I wondered, then looked over at Saizou, who was fast asleep with a half empty bottle of sleeping pills next to him. "I like the way you think about this situation." I said, taking a few, passing out. I woke up at the end of class when Moka dropped a book on my head. "Who, what, where, when, why?!" I asked, looking all around.

"I tried to wake you for 10 minutes. You were passed out." She said.

"Man, where's Saizou, I gotta find out where he got those." I said, looking around.

Later, we stood in the hall as she was drinking more tomato juice. "So, how are we gonna go about this?" I asked as she was taking a drink.

As she was about to answer however, a voice I wasn't hoping to hear rang out from above. "So apparently you're a vampire, huh? That's what people are saying." Kurumu asked, jumping down, revealing her panties to anyone looking.

"Whoa did you see that?" The first perv from before asked.

"Yeah, and they were totally white!" The second one said.

"What's more look at the boobs on her!" The last one said.

"Damn, those are some fantastic tits!" The first one said again.

"One moment, Moka. I have pervs to kill." I said, walking over and kicking their asses in less than half a second. Everything went black for a moment and the only thing that could be seen were purple impact effects signaling someone was getting hit incredibly fast. When everything reappeared, I was standing there with my arms crossed with the Japanese Mesatsu symbol on my forehead. "Street Fighter reference, bitches." I said in a badass tone.

"Anyway, I came here to make a declaration of war." Kurumu said to Moka walking a little ways passed her.

"A declaration of war?" Moka repeated, confused.

"Yeah, that's right. I've got this big plan, but you keep messing it up, Moka." She said.

"What plan?" Moka asked, turning her head to look at her.

"Oh, let me explain," She said, backing up, "My plan was to turn all the guys in the school into my personal love harem. And it was working, too, thanks to my booby trap." She said, turning in a way that made her boobs bounce as Moka sweatdropped. "Plenty of guys were falling into it. And why wouldn't they? I am a succubus after all." She said, then in an anime animation, she was prancing in place with guys spinning around her.

(I KNEW succubae were supposed to be sexy! Stupid DmC reboot managed to even screw THAT up.) I thought.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Moka interrupted. "You shouldn't reveal your monster identity to me, it's against school rules." Moka said.

"You know, honestly, no one pays attention to those anymore, we might as well forget them." I said.

"But!" Kurumu said angrily, mad for having been interrupted, walking up to Moka to the point their boobs were pressing into each other. "Then you came along and all the stupid boys fell for you instead of me! I've had it with your man stealing!" She said angrily.

"You know, I could see a TOTAL yuri moment happening right now if it weren't for the anger." I thought to myself.

"Wait! I didn't steal anyone, I swear!" Moka said, backing up and raising her hands defensively in surrender.

Suddenly, the damn bat came from nowhere again. "Alright, I think a catfight's about to break out, whee!" He said, then screamed and flew off when I started firing fireballs at him.

"I've had enough! So the other day, I vowed I wouldn't lose to you anymore!" Kurumu said, an intimidating rivalry aura sparking from them, but mostly from her.

"Are those babes gonna fight?" Another perv asked.

"For our sakes, I REALLY hope so." Another one said.

I stepped in front of them with a dark aura like Akuma's surrounding me. "For your sakes, you better hope not." I said, my eyes flashing red as the symbol appeared again. Then they ran away like bitches. "Yeah, I am pimp, aren't I?" I said to mostly myself.

"I knew I had to beat you and turn about spare play. And that's why I've stolen Tsukune away from you. I've been trying to steal Sai, too, but I guess he's a little more stubborn." She said, walking up to me and pressing her boobs into my chest.

(Just remember Lady's threat, Sai. Besides, it'll be hard to find another chick like that who ISN'T messed up anyway, with the crowd you hang out with.) I thought, turning my head and closing my eyes.

"That's stupid! Tsukune and Sai have nothing to do with this!" Moka said, trying to pull her away from me.

"Oh, there you are! I've been looking for you, Moka." Tsukune said, showing up from nowhere.

"This'll be good." Another perv said.

"Major catfight." Another agreed. At that moment, however, they were sadly beaten into a coma by my Raging Demon again.

"Mesatsu!" I announced after I ended the attack.

"What, Tsukune?" Moka asked in an annoyed tone, turning to face him.

"You might be being a little too harsh; he didn't say those things because he wanted to." I said, then realized something. "Good lord, I just took his side." I said, my eyes widening in shock and horror.

"Listen, Moka, I wanna talk to you about those things I said-" Tsukune started, but was interrupted by Kurumu throwing herself at him.

"Hey, Tsukune!" she said, holding onto him.

"I'm sorry, but I need to talk to Moka right now." He said, gently pushing her back.

"Holy shit, I must be going crazy, he's actually DOING something about the situation instead of being a total bitch and just taking it," I said, "But I guess he STILL hasn't figured out she's bad news. Dumbass."

"Love charm!" She announced, hypnotizing the poor fool again.

"But now that I think about it, I guess I really don't have to." Tsukune said, looking away.

"Tsukune, get away from her now!" Moka said.

"What, why would I do that?" He asked, looking back at her.

"Probably because she's mind controlling you, dumbass." I said, shaking my head.

"You have to believe me, she's dangerous!" Moka told him.

"I think she's sweet."Tsukune said, closing his eyes happily and looking down at her.

"Just when I was thinking there MAY be hope for you, but no, you're a complete, helpless dumbass." I said, facepalming.

"Hey, there's something I just noticed," Kurumu said, giving Moka a sly look, "Tsukune smells really good, doesn't he, Moka? Yeah, almost like a human does!" She said.

(They all think he smells like a human, but no one thinks of questioning him about it.) I thought.

"His blood must taste really good. That's the only reason you hang around him, isn't it? So you can use him as a substitute for breakfast?" She asked.

"And you're only hanging around him to use him for sex. So Moka may NEED him as a vending machine, but you just WANT to use him so you can continue to be a slut." I said.

"That's not true! And I don't use him, either!" Moka said.

"Yes, you do. The only reason you wanna be my friend is because you wanna suck my blood." Tsukune said, looking away, shocking Moka.

"He's not actually saying that, she's making him say that. Don't listen to him." I said, then turned to them. "Tsukune there's something on your face!" I said, then slammed my fist into his face with a satisfying anime punch sound. "It was pain!" I laughed. (That should've snapped him out of it.) I thought.

"You're becoming as big of a problem as she is. Let me see if I can fix that." She said, walking up to me and doing the same thing as before.

(Don't look at the eyes, don't look at the boobs, don't look at the eyes, don't look at the boobs, don't look at the eyes, don't look at the-) I repeated in my head, until she shoved it in between her boobs (Dammit!) I thought. I resisted for as long as I could, but eventually needed to breath and pulled my head away, causing me to look into her eyes. (Oh, you bitch…) I thought before everything went hazy again.

"Screw it, I'm out. Let's go, babe," I said, wrapping an army around Kurumu, grabbing Tsukune and dragging him off to wherever she was leading us. "See you later, Draculina." I said to Moka unintentionally. (I hate this bitch!) I shouted in my mind. It especially pissed me off when she started laughing as Moka ran off crying. Enough to snap me out of the hypnosis, but I decided to play it along until we got somewhere secluded. (If I tried taking her down here, all the pervs would gang up to defend her. I can't take on an army of monsters outside of their human forms alone.) I thought.

Later in the infirmary…

"Yahoo, I did it! I managed to make Little Miss Moka cry her eyes out! And that look on her face was so freaking awesome!" Kurumu laughed, sitting on one of the beds doing a small little dance, her tail now exposed and wagging.

(I am going to kick her ass!) I thought, tensing up, when at that moment, Tsukune stood up.

"What are you doing?" Kurumu asked him.

"Moka. I have to apologize to her." Tsukune said.

"No, wait!" Kurumu said, lunging at him and trying to force him into her boobs like she did to me, but I grabbed her arm. "And what the hell are you doing now?!" She demanded, trying to yank away.

"Doing what I should've done a long time ago. My favorite game, slut kicking!" I said, bringing my leg up and kicking her in the stomach, causing her to crash into and bounce off of the bed, then land on her head on the other side. "That's for almost suffocating me and causing me to hurt my friend's feelings… Oh, and for hypnotizing this helpless sap." I said, pointing at Tsukune with my thumb.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Tsukune said, grabbing my shoulder.

I huffed and jerked my shoulder away. "Just like I thought, you're too stupid to understand what's going on. She's a succubus; she's been trying to seduce us so she can have all the guys in the school as her personal harem. And to steal you away from Moka, since she's been the only obstacle for her plan to succeed." I informed him.

"What?!" He asked

"How dare you! I've thrown myself at both of you and you resist me! I've even done things that embarrass me! You like Moka more than me!" She said, sprouting bat wings.

Tsukune screamed like a bitch, but I just deadpanned and looked at him. "Why are you still being such a bitch? Have you forgotten we're in a school full of monsters? This is nothing compared to Saizou. All she did was sprout wings. You didn't even notice her tail before, either," I said, then looked at Kurumu. "As for your wings and tail, I'm not impressed. My brother has dragon wings with twice the wingspan yours have and his tail is covered in spikes. Honestly, you intimidate me less than my little sister." I smirked.

"Then maybe THESE will impress you!" She said, making her nails extend a few feet and become razor sharp.

"Okay, that could do it." I said, nodding.

"I'm gonna take everything that Moka likes and smash it all to pieces!" She said, flying at us.

"Such selfish arrogance… I cannot allow this!" I said, rushing at her, countering her attack and grabbing her. "By the way, you say 'yahoo' so much, you could be Black Star's sister!" I shouted, throwing her out of a window.

"Who's Black Star?" Tsukune asked.

"Annoying-ass wannabe ninja who fails at even being an assassin who has blue hair and shouts yahoo all the time." I said.

"Guys! Are you okay?!" Moka asked coming in.

"I would have to say so. I just pwned her ass." I said.

Suddenly, she came flying back and wrapped her tail around Tsukune's neck, flying out of the window. Moka grabbed onto him and was yanked out while I was trying to figure out what we were still doing here instead of leaving and getting away. "Sometimes, this anime makes NO sense." I said, jumping out of the window as Kurumu dropped them due to their weight.

"Tsukune, are you okay?" Moka asked.

"Yeah." Tsukune answered weakly as Kurumu dropped down.

"Excellent. Now I get to kill you both!" She laughed evilly.

"Not yet!" I said, jump flipping over her, grabbing her head and throwing her into a tree with one of my favorite moves: The guillotine throw. "Thank you, Ryu Hayabusa." I said. Unfortunately, that didn't put her out of the fight as long as I hoped it would. She came flying back, swinging her claws savagely. "DODGE!" I shouted, tackling them to the ground. I turned around to see the trees fall as they were sliced.

"She cut through those trees like they were butter!" Tsukune said in a scared tone.

"Yeah, screw the falchion, those are weapons of death. Actually, screw EVERYTHING in the Strider bitch's arsenal." I said (Yes, I hate Strider Hiryu MOSTLY for winning the Death Battle against Ryu, but I DO hate him for other reasons: He's an arrogant dick who considers massive airships as cheap toys). "I guess it's time for me to be a true badass. I can't fight her on the ground, so I'll just kick her ass in the air as a SUPER SAIYAN!" I said, powering up. The ground began to shake, the ground I was standing on sank deeper into the earth as rocks and trees were lifted into the air by my power. In a blinding flash of red light, where I stood, there was now a red haired Super Saiyan that was me, surrounded by an aura of fire instead of golden ki. "Pure. Unadulterated. Badass." I smirked.

"So what?! You're all shiny now, but I can still beat you!" She said, flying down.

"Bitch, you just jealous o' mah Super Saiyan swagger." I said, flying up after her.

"Is he gonna say that every episode?" Tsukune asked.

"I heard that, beta male!" I said, head-butting Kurumu in the stomach, then smashed both fists into her back, sending her to the ground.

"You're just pissing me off!" She said, flying back at me.

"Fine. I guess you want more of a Super Saiyan ass kicking." I said, flying down and attacking again. I easily outmatched her in every way, sending her back down to the ground as Tsukune finally ripped off the Rosary and called forth inner Moka. "Nice to see you put in the effort to help, but I already wrapped things up." I said.

"Fine. But for calling me out like this and to make sure this never happens again, I'm going to rip them off. Her wings and her tail that is." She said.

I turned to look at Kurumu on the ground, then back to Moka. "Hmph. Do as you will." I said, taking a few steps passed her and looking away like a badass.

"Wait! Why did you do this, Kurumu?" Tsukune asked.

"Who cares? I don't." I said.

"I did it to keep my race alive. We Succubae are few in number, so in order for our race to survive, we need to carefully pick our destined one out of a large pool of men we seduce with our love charm." She explained.

(Seduction, seduce, ain't nobody who's as good at what I do.) I sang in my head, remembering an Eminem song (yes, my thought process is THAT random. That's how I came up with the Black Star thing earlier).

"Well, she had a good reason for it. We've done enough; she seems like a good person deep down. Let's be friends with her, okay? Like the three of us. You can never have to many friends." Tsukune said.

I raised my hand and glared at him, ready to shoot a fireball to wipe him off the face of the Earth. "I am going to kill you if you say one more goddamn thing about friendship." I said.

"Oh, really?" Moka said, glaring at me. Her aura was still intimidating. It seemed like she was as strong as Vegeta in his first Super Saiyan form. I'd rather not go toe-to-toe with that, so I lowered my hand.

"Fine. I'm feeling merciful. But if this ever happens again, you will both be extra crispy." I warned, returning to base form.

"Let's hope you'll be ready for a fight with me if you're being serious." Moka said, grabbing her Rosary from Tsukune.

"If I have to fight you, I will. And it's more than likely I'll be the winner." I said.

"We'll see." She said, reattaching the Rosary, passing out as her outer self.

The next day…

"The Rosary spoke to you?" Tsukune asked.

"Yeah, it's weird, huh." Maybe the seal's getting weaker or something." Moka wondered.

"Weird. You know, she may not think it, but you're both my friends. I couldn't bear to be without either Moka, so if you wanna suck my blood, it's fine by me." Tsukune said.

"What did I say about the friendship speeches?" I growled. I raised a fist, but then we all heard something from behind us.

"Morning! Hi, Sai!" Kurumu said happily, causing us all to deadpan. She also had a basket, which she held out to me. "I baked some cute little cookies for us. How about you and I eat them together?" She asked.

"Why me?" I asked.

"Oh, come on, I already told you I was looking for my one and only destined partner for life right?" She said, wiggling back and forth, to which we all nodded. "Well, I've decided it's you, Sai!" She said.

"What?! Why me?! I left you to die at the hands of a bloodthirsty, homicidal vampire!" I said.

"Yeah, but you're really brave, strong and badass, you seem like the guy who could raise and protect a good family." She said, tapping my arm with the basket.

"Oh, wouldn't you know it, I'm allergic to cookies, sorry." I lied; I have no food allergy whatsoever.

"I didn't even tell you what kind they were!" She said.

"I'm allergic to all forms of cookie dough." I lied again.

"Oh, come on, just try them!" She said, trying to force one into my mouth.

"Hey! Sai is with me, just like Tsukune!" Moka said.

"Hey, you can only have one of us, better to stick with him." I said, backing away.

"Well, I'm not sure who I'll choose yet. You're not as sweet as Tsukune, but you're more protective and dependable." She said.

"Hey, have I ever told you guys the crazy story of how I'm dating a human chick?" I said.


	4. Chapter 3: Witch Plus Pedos

It was a little earlier than I expected, but we had exams just like any other school. I think I did fairly well, but that's what I was checking now. First, I noticed Tsukune's name at 250 (Well, he was jealous of the guys who came in 201 and 222, so I made up a number), which I couldn't help but laugh at. Secondly, I noticed Kurumu's name under 122, which honestly, didn't surprise me. Then finally, I noticed my name under 20. "Even better than I expected. Then again, I did kick ass through most of Junior and senior year." I thought (I actually did do pretty well through most of junior year and am doing very well this year, in either honors or high honors). I looked a little further down the list to see Moka's name under 13th place. "Yeah, I was expecting that." I said, then noticed her and Tsukune walking over after looking at their grades.

"Good job, Sai. 20th place is pretty good out of 400+ students." Tsukune said.

"Wish I could say the same about you." I smirked, then looked at Moka. "You did a good job though, Moka. I was pretty sure you'd get ahead of me." I said.

"Oh, it was just a fluke. But maybe next time we could all study together." Moka said.

"I never study, actually." I said (true fact: I don't).

"That sounds really great." Tsukune said, then they began fawning over each other again.

"Oh, not again." I said, lightning a small fire under Tsukune to burn his ass in a little bit.

"Moka…"

"Tsukune…"

"Moka…"

"Tsukune…"

"Mok- AAAAAAAAGGHHH! HOLY CRAP, THAT'S FREAKIN' HOT!" He screamed, running around in circles, much to my amusement.

Unbeknownst to the two of them, however, someone was spying on Moka from behind a pillar; I knew this person was there due to my ninja sense. "Moka…" The figure said, sounding like a little girl. She made a swooning noise, continuing to look at Moka. "She's amazing." The girl said, now revealed to be a young girl about 12 years old.

Suddenly, someone came up from behind her. "Congratulations, Red Order Yukari." The voice said.

The girl turned around to see the president of her class and his two goons. "Class President." She said.

"As expected, you're the undisputed number one student this year. I guess someone knew what they were doing when they let you skip all those grades, huh? But here this: Don't press you're luck or you're gonna pay the price." He said, all 3 of them looking at her with a pedo look.

"Press my luck?" Yukari asked.

"Yeah, that's right, for example, that stupid witch costume of yours!" The bald one said, flailing around and pointing at her like a brat.

"It's against school rules. You better take it off." The fattest and most pathetic one said, getting WAY too close and scanning her up and down.

"Yeah, but this is my…" She started, before the assholes interrupted her.

"As your class president the fact that you're even here is enough to give me a headache, so spare me the sob story." The leader said, then they began laughing like assholes.

From behind her back, Yukari held her wand and made giant golden basins fall on their head. "It serves you right, you stupid jerks!" She said.

"Why, you little brat!" The class president said, picking himself off the ground, swinging his clawed hand at her. "Don't you know who I am?! I'll teach you, you prepubescent piss-ant!" He said as his claw was about to connect.

At that moment, I jumped into action, appearing in front of her in a flash, grabbing his arm. "Well, hello, Pedo President. What a surprise seeing you here. However, it's NOT a surprise to see you're being a dick and abusing your power to mess with someone weaker than yourself." I said, bending his arm back painfully, kicking him back to his goons.

"Why you son of a bitch! You dare disrespect my authority." He snapped.

"Correction: My mom is a Death Spirit and my dad is a demon of darkness. Anyway, back to the point: Yes, Cartman, I do disrespect your authority because you do as well. You just use your power do be a douche and get whatever you want handed to you on a silver platter," I said, then looked at his bald goon, "You hang with him so you can pretend you're important and acting like a little bitch and no one can call you on it," I said, then looked at the fat one, "And you hang with him because you're a pathetic pedo creep you can't get women on his own so you abuse the power to try and force women to get with you." I finished.

"Oh, he just dissed you!" Yukari giggled.

"You take that back or I'll kill you!" The fat one snapped, getting ready to lunge.

"Okay, okay, you don't get with women at all." I said with a smirk.

"That's better." He said, standing up normally.

"But, didn't you just…" Yukari started.

"Give him a minute." I told her.

He stood there for a minute, but then finally got it. "Hey! You son of a bitch!" He said, rushing at me.

"Fear my video-Fu!" I told him, taking a fighting stance like Yasha's.

(Bite-sized dictionary: Video-Fu, a newer martial art invented by Sai's older twin, Lance Blade, which consists of taking the signature moves from various video game characters that are humanly possible and rolling them into one style. But when used in fanfiction, any move, possible or not, can be used.)

I used Mileena's ball roll attack to roll forward and take the poor sap off his feet, then quickly spun around and did a split, using Cage's Nut Punch to smash the airborne dumbass in the back of the head, launching him into the air high enough for me to get up and- "Shoryuken!" I announced, doing the jumping/spinning uppercut to do even more damage, sending him higher into the air and keeping him airborne long enough for the finishing move. "Kame….Hame…..HA!" I announced, blasting the pedo into a pillar with a powerful ki blast. "In… Style." I said, running my hands threw my hair and giving a thumbs-up as my win pose.

"How dare you! Beating up a class representative is against school rules!" The leader said, but was too intimidated to do anything.

"Who DOES listen to the rules in this place? Literally no one. So I don't care. Now I'm gonna beat you motherfuckers…"I said, grabbing the leg of the one I beat up. "With THIS motherfucker!" I said, running after them and swinging the one I had like a club.

"Okay, I give up! I'll leave it at this for now." He said, then looked at Yukari who Moka was now guarding. "Filthy witch! I swear, just being in the same class as one of your filthy kind is enough to make me wanna puke." He said, walking away like he was still in control of the situation.

"That's racist!" I told him, then noticed something. "Oh, hey, you forgot something!" I said, throwing the fatass at them, sending them flying into a wall. "I am SO pimp." I said, brushing my knuckles on my lapel.

Later in the cafeteria…

"Thank you so much Sai! You really saved my neck back there! You, too, Moka, thanks for being an extra shield! I should introduce myself, I'm Yukari Sendo." Yukari said.

"Yeah, I've heard of you, you're in the same grade as us, but you're 4 years younger, right?" Moka asked.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, you can skip grades enough to get into college? Maybe I should've thought the plot out better." I said

"4 years younger?" Tsukune asked, counting with his fingers. "So, wait, did you skip a few grades or something?" Tsukune asked.

"Obviously, otherwise she wouldn't be here." I said.

"Aw, I guess that means you're like super smart, aren't you? And your outfit rocks!" Moka said happily.

Yukari began blushing with embarrassed anime sweat or whatever it was flying around her face. "That's very nice of you to say, but I'm not the impressive one. You're by far the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, Moka. You're kind-hearted. And smart. And cool." She said, looking as if she was withdrawing herself. "You see, I uh… You should know… I love you more than life itself, Moka!" Yukari said, diving over the table and tackle-hugging Moka.

"Anime lesbians. They will ALWAYS catch you off guard." I said, not turning around. Tsukune didn't for a few moments either, but then he did and witnessed the event, getting a nosebleed again. "Of course." I said, pulling out my notepad where I keep track of Tsukune's daily pint loss, counting up to 6 before Yukari spoke again.

"Every time I passed you in the hall, I fell more and more in love with you! And since you saved me from those jerks, I decided that you're the one!" She said, constantly squeezing Moka's boobs.

"Technically I saved you." I said.

"Huh, what are you saying?! What do you mean the one?!" Moka asked.

"Well, duh! I want you to be my girlfriend!" Yukari cheered.

"Your whaaaaat?!" Tsukune shouted, his pint loss now being at 10.

"Well, I can be a girl and a friend!" Moka said.

"Yippee! I'm so excited about this!" Yukari said, snuggling up to her.

"Yeah, no kidding! I can tell." Tsukune said, his total pint loss for the scene ending at 17.

Later, the two were walking through the hall, Yukari squeezing Moka's boobs all the way, embarrassing all the girls and infuriating all the guys. "Has anyone ever told you your boobs are even bigger than they look? I'm flat as a pancake myself, so getting to squeeze ones like yours is a dream come true." Yukari said excitedly.

"Yukari, could you please let go, I'm starting to feel weak." Moka said uneasily (true fact: Female vampires have their power drained if someone gropes them like that…. Not. Just kidding).

"NO! STOP IT!" Tsukune said, running from around a corner. "What are you doing, you're both girls!" Tsukune said awkwardly.

"What you're a racist AND you don't like gays or lesbians? You hate everybody, don't you?" I asked disapprovingly (true fact: I hate racists and gay-bashers, they're not bothering you, so leave them alone. Hating anyone or saying their way is wrong ain't gonna do anything for you, so don't do it. I have gay friends and even family members who are gay. And if people mess with them, they meet the cold rubber of my shoe to their face).

"I knew you'd show up at some point." Yukari said in an annoyed tone, shocking Tsukune. "Tsukune Aono. You're grades are simply average, you're athletic ability is WELL below par. You have no useful skills at all. I couldn't imagine more of a half-baked guy." She said smugly.

"OH! She's just dissed you!" I said, falling on the floor, rolling in laughter.

"Now, you listen and you listen good! I don't want my darling Moka sullied by a creep like you!" She said. "So, I'm declaring war on you!" She shouted.

Suddenly, a locker began to rumble and all the janitor equipment flew out at him. "I'm going over here." I said, sidestepping, counting the further pint loss.

"These cleaning supplies are possessed!" Tsukune screamed.

"It's magic, you simpleton!" Yukari shouted.

"I could've told him that." I agreed.

"Magic?" Moka asked.

"Yep! You see I'm a witch, it's sort of my thing!" She said happily, then had a daring look on her face. "And if any dirty boy tries to get close to my Moka, well then they're gonna have to answer to me and my magic wand here!" Yukari said.

(Good. One women off this little harem. Now to get rid of Kurumu somehow. Too bad the having a girlfriend thing didn't help.) I thought.

From behind a corner, the three pedos were watching, failing at being sneaky. "Did you guys hear that?!" The brat asked with a happy/smug look on his face.

"This girl is WAY out of control. Revealing your monster identity is DEFINITELY against school rules." The fat one said

"Well, looks like you pushed your luck a little too far this time." The leader said with an ominous glare on his face.

Tsukune's current pint loss: 21

Later in the infirmary…

"Yukari Sendo?" Kurumu asked as she and I were tending to Tsukune's injuries.

"This won't hurt a bit." I said, heating up my thumb until it was orange. "It'll hurt a whole lot." I said, pressing it down on the bleeding cut on his face, cauterizing it, to which he screamed.

"I don't know what to do." Tsukune said.

"Stay off her bad side and away from Moka, that simple." I told him.

Kurumu then turned to me angrily. "Hey, what's the big idea?! Here we are in the very next chapter after my big debut and you couldn't get to me any sooner than this?!" She snapped.

"I was trying to get on YOUR bad side. Plain and simple." I told her, shrugging casually.

"Anyway, sounds like you had a really rough experience Tsukune." She said.

"Yep. She beat 4 pints of blood out of him." I said, holding up my notepad.

"You have no idea. She won't even let me talk to Moka, just look at the state I'm in." Tsukune said.

"I know, it's hilarious. Anyway, man up, dude: She's a little girl and you've only got a few cuts and bruises. If that were me, she'd regret what she did INSTANTLY… Then again, you're nowhere near as badass as me. Or badass at all." I said.

"You know, as far as that girl goes, I've heard a few things." Kurumu said, getting on all fours on the bed, crawling over and grabbing me.

"I do not care, piss off!" I said, pushing her away.

"Supposedly, she's some sort of genius, but apparently, she's real childish and bratty. Most of her class hates her guts." She said, till trying to pry herself onto me.

"She is a child, it's understandable." I said, now pushing her back with my left leg.

"She must be real full of herself. You know how those brainiacs are." She said.

"You do know I came in 20th, right? That pins me in with those 'brainiacs who are full of themselves.'" I said, moving off the bed so that Kurumu, pushing back as hard as she could to get to me, rushed herself off the edge of the bed. Suddenly, I sensed another presence. "Ninja sense time," I announced, "I'm sensing another presence here. A presence I've not felt since..." I said in my Scorpion (Mortal Kombat) voice, looking towards the window.

"Tsukune, my most hated rival, I'll beat you so bad you'll never walk again." Yukari said, then triumphantly held up a voodoo doll. "This is my voodoo doll. And it's got your name written all over it!" She said happily, putting in Tsukune's hair. "Just put this strand of Tsukune's hair inside and!" She said, making the doll hit itself in the face.

"I like this girl." I laughed, pulling out my notepad again, counting a pint for each time he hit himself. "Current count, 26." I said, before Yukari tried something else.

"A guy like you doesn't deserve a pair of perfect breasts like Moka's." She said, blushing and giggling. "Might as well give it up and get grabby with Ms. Titty-pie there, instead!" She said, making the doll grab, causing Tsukune to grab Kurumu's breasts.

"Well, that's surprising, but it keeps her off of me." I said.

At that point, Moka walked into the infirmary. "Man, I didn't think I was ever gonna lose her." She said in an exhausted tone.

"Why are we all here again?" I asked.

"No, it's not what it looks like! I swear! I can't control myself." Tsukune says.

"As always." I said.

"Hey, what do you two think you're doing?! You did it again! You used your love charm attack on him, didn't you?!" Moka said accusingly.

"Hey, you know I wouldn't do that!" Kurumu said, getting up and standing her ground, ignoring the fact Tsukune was still groping her.

"Besides, he'd be more zombie-like, anyway." I added.

"Yank!" Yukari said from outside, making the hands go down.

Inside, we were all (me included) shocked to see Tsukune yank down Kurumu's panties.

"That may be a LITTLE over the line." I said, walking over to the window. At that moment, Tsukune lost a massive pool of blood from his nose. I tallied the pint loss up to 45. "Okay, Tsukune, seriously, you need to stop being such a pussy and act like you've seen them before. If you lose much more blood, you are royally fucked." I told him.

Kurumu stepped out of her panties and tried to hold her skirt down while Moka got a large tic mark on the side of her head. "Um… Tsukune?" She asked.

"I didn't mean to, really!" He said, crying while still holding them.

I opened the window and reached out to grab Yukari as, just as I suspected, she popped up at that moment. "It worked, I did it!" She laughed, pointing at Tsukune, but then realized she revealed herself. Before she could crouch down, however, I grabbed her and pulled her in.

"Busted, whee!" Kou said, then flew off, changing the scene.

Later in Ms. Nekonome's room…

"You know, I gotta give that bat more credit, he's useful for randomly skipping time and getting somewhere else." I commented.

"Look, I can't take this anymore! You guys have GOT to do something here!" Tsukune complained.

"Why would I do that? This is easily the most fun I've had since I've been here." I smirked.

"Well, she hasn't really been bothering ME that much." Kurumu said, blushing.

"So, causing someone to forcefully grope you and remove your panties, shortly after getting them soaked in blood, doesn't bother you?" I asked.

"Relax, she's just a little kid, it's not that big of a deal!" Moka said defensively.

"Oh, come on! That's no excuse! She needs to understand she can't go around messing with people like that!" Tsukune said.

"She's not messing with PEOPLE. She's messing with you." I said.

"Will you stop being a jerk and help out." Tsukune snapped at me.

"Oh, I haven't been a jerk yet. And you DO NOT want to see me be a jerk." I told him.

"I think it's about time she learned her lesson!" Tsukune said.

A took a deep breath and thought for a minute. "No." I said.

"I suppose you're right, but…" Moka said, looking down at Yukari behind her.

"Yukari, look! If you keep this crap up, nobody's gonna like you, okay? You'll end up alone with no friends!" Tsukune said.

"Like you!" I said energetically.

"Who cares, I'm a genius! As far as I'm concerned, if people aren't at my level, why should I concern myself with being friends with them, anyway?!" Yukari snapped. Then she softened up a little. "What's the big deal, I've been alone from the very beginning." She said, kinda sadly, yet emotionless at the same time.

"Oh, that sucks." I said.

"Whoa, Yukari, that's…" Tsukune said sadly, until she quickly raised her wand and hit him with 3 gold dinette set pieces, chalking it up to 48 pints lost.

"Oh, man, you totally fell for that one!" She said, then point the wand at me. "And I actually agree with Tsukune, you're kind of a jerk!" She said, making things hit me. GIANT MISTAKE. I began shouting and powering up, shaking the entire building as she quickly ran out. "Run away!" She said, running down the hall as quickly as possible.

"**GET OVER HERE!" **I shouted, bursting out of the doorway in my Super Saiyan form.

"Sai, no!" Moka shouted, grabbing me quickly.

"NO ONE HITS ME WITH METAL OBJECTS AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!" I snapped.

"Calm down! You can't go around losing your temper with a little kid like that, okay?" She said.

"Yeah, yeah, fine, I'll let it go." I said, dangerously cracking my neck to get all the kinks out and calm down (people ALWAYS tell me I shouldn't do that, but it never hurts me. It helps me move my neck better. The only time I might hurt myself is if someone surprises me while I do it and makes me twist my neck wrong. So it would be THEIR fault, not mine).

Meanwhile, Yukari was walking around, thinking of all the things people have been saying about her and how they were being racists, criticizing her for being a witch (is everyone in this show a racist?!). Suddenly, as she was standing still, someone bumped into her. "Ow, that hurt, you jerk! Why don't you watch where you're walking, you moron!" She shouted, waving her arm.

"Well, I suppose compared to you, almost anyone could be considered a moron, now couldn't they?" The class president said to her.

"The class president?" She said to herself.

Suddenly, the bald one came from nowhere and looked down at her with a TOTAL rape face. "Well, if it isn't little miss rule breaker." He said.

"You've gone and made our president angry." The fat one said, also looking at her with a pedo, rapist look (I honestly CANNOT make them out to be more of pedo rapists than I already have).

"Well, that doesn't have anything to do with me, so leave me alone!" Yukari whined, waving her arms.

"Oh, but it does. You see…" The president said as him and his goons closed in, then lifted her off the ground by one arm while his goons had a TOTAL pedo look on their faces as if they were facially saying "Alright! It's rape time!" Seriously, it's creepy just to WATCH. "Whenever a student does something to disrupt class discipline, it's our job to teach them a lesson." He said with an evil smirk.

Back in the classroom…

"My point is, you're way too lenient when it comes to Yukari." Tsukune said.

"Yeah, but when you stop to think about how she must feel." Moka said.

"Oh, come on! If that's the way you wanna look at it, think about my feelings, 'cuz I'm the one getting pummeled to death over here!" Tsukune snapped.

"Oh, you're such a whiney, selfish brat. It's always you, you, you. Throughout most of the series, you only think about yourself." I told him. Suddenly, I sensed a disturbance in the force. "My rape senses are tingling. I gotta go be a badass." I said, opening and jumping out of the window.

(Rape senses: the indication someone is about to get raped.)

"Look, you of all people know what it's like to be different! I know you do, Tsukune." Moka said.

"No, that's not the same thing." Tsukune said.

"How is it, any different?!" I called from outside.

"I won't abandon her!" Moka said, running out of the room.

"She did says she didn't care if she was well-liked. I mean, let's be honest, that is so like a witch." Kurumu said.

"RACIST!" I called out.

"You mean you don't know? Witches are halfway between witches and humans, but they're not really either one." Kurumu said, raising her finger to make a distinctive point. Meanwhile, the pedos were dragging Yukari deeper into the woods as she tried to free herself. Anyway, back to Kurumu's explanation. "A long time ago, people used to say witches were the link between monsters and human beings. Nowadays, people just think they're half monsters." She explained.

"Half monsters?" Tsukune asked.

"They aren't exactly accepted by the humans, either. Back in the day, things were pretty bad. They had witch trials and witch hunts; they've always been a hated people. She doesn't feel accepted by anyone. She's probably always felt like she's alone from the very beginning." She explained.

At that moment, I popped up back in the window. "How the hell do you know all this when you're the designated blonde of the show?!" I asked her, then turned to Tsukune. "And how did you not know that? Don't they teach the Salem Witch Trials and such in 5th grade or something?" I asked.

"I knew you'd come back if I made some sense, Sai!" She said, trying to hug me, but I just fell back and landed on my feet, now going back and dashing into the forest.

Meanwhile, the pedos threw Yukari against a tree. "Ow! Hey, what's your problem?! that hurt!" Yukari snapped.

"It hurts! It hurts! Why don't you go cry about it!" The brat mocked her.

"Your voice is disgusting!" The fat one said.

"I'd rather hear her voice than yours, you pedo piece of shit!" I said, coming in from the side and doing the Tatsumaki Senpukyaku to send them all flying. "And you're going to be the ones crying once I'm done with you." I told them

"Oh, you again! Good, now we can deal with two rule breakers at once!" The leader said, then suddenly, they morphed into giant lizards.

"DAMN, you guys are ugly! Even Baraka isn't that much of an eyesore and that guys shatters mirrors whenever he looks at one!" I said.

Later, Baraka reads this chapter after I post it. "Wha-!? Sai! You really gonna do me like that, Sai?!" He asked.

"That's enough out of you! You're nothing but a punk who thinks he can play tough! And she's nothing but a snot-nosed, shrimp-ass, punk bitch!" He snapped as they closed in.

"Better than being a supposedly mature snot-nosed bitch." I said, taking a fighting stance and herding Yukari behind me.

"Why are you defending her?! She's a witch! A shrimp like her doesn't belong here!" He snapped.

Yukari gasped and I guess this finally got to her. I tuned to her mind and looked at what she was thinking: more people talking bad about her. Then she had a flashback.

"I wish we didn't have HER in our class." One girl said as Yukari was walking within earshot to take out her trash.

"What's her deal? The dirty witch. Acting like she's hot shit just cuz' she's good at school and stuff." Another girl who sounded REALLY stuck-up said.

(Sounds like she's the exact opposite.) I thought.

"Why do they even let stupid little brats like her come to school here?" Another girl asked.

(Okay, THAT chick sounded like a DUDE.) I thought.

"I know, right, it's like you're a total pain in the ass. Why don't you just leave?" The second girl agreed.

(It's a pain in the ass just LISTENING to these sluts talk.) I thought.

At that moment, Yukari raised her wand and the girls' skirts dropped.

(Well, THAT'S a little more interesting.) I thought.

"Hey, what happened?!" The man-sounding girl asked.

"I'm so embarrassed." The stuck-up one said.

(You deserve to be.) I thought.

Yukari giggled at that point. "Well THAT oughta teach you!" She laughed, running away.

"It was that bitch!" The stuck-up one said as the three of them chased after her, oblivious to the fact they didn't pull their skirts up and no longer had them on around their ankles, so they must've just left them. Then they fell over Yukari's trash bin.

(They're either REALLY stupid, or really slutty not to realize they don't have their skirts on anymore.) I thought.

"That was mean! This is why everyone hates you, you stupid witch!" The leader said.

(Well, to be fair, you were being mean first.) I thought.

"I don't even want to be friends with stupid girls like you so there!" Yukari said, sticking her tongue out and pulling her eyelid down some.

Ending the flashback, Yukari looked down and looked as if she had no will to talk back to him. "Don't listen to any of them. They're all just simpletons. None of them even try to understand you, so who cares about them. Just focus on the good things in life and on getting out of here in one piece!" I told her.

"So, what should we do with them?" The brat asked,

"I say we eat them. There's plenty of fog, no one would see us." The fat one said.

"That's a good idea. Put them in the pain they deserve to be in." The leader said.

"Oh, shut up and eat this!" I said, flipping them off, then pulling out Nevan, my favorite of the Devil Arms I usually steal from Dante, turning it into a scythe and slashing them back. "If you want something to eat, I'll serve you up some nice rips!" I said, striking an E minor chord, blasting them back.

"What the hell is that?!" The brat asked.

"It's some kind of guitar from hell!" The fat one said in a panicked tone.

"We'll… We'll just eat that, too, boys! He can't hurt us with it if he doesn't have it!" The leader said, but he was obviously terrified.

"You're more than welcome to try it, but I don't think it'll go your way." I told them.

"Get away from them right now!" Moka shouted.

"Damn. I was just about to make myself a new leather jacket." I said.

"Well, well, well, look who it is." The leader said.

"I just had a great idea, boss, how about we eat this one, too?!" the brat asked.

"I second that emotion." The fat one asked.

"Yeah. She's all plump and juicy. And most of all, she's got those, and that, and that." He said, looking at her boobs, curves and ass.

"We're fine, just get out of here!" Yukari told her.

"As far as monsters go, these guys are a joke! I could probably handle them alone!" Yukari asked.

"Um… Hello? Badass ninja. Right here." I said, waving my hand.

"You gotta stop doing that Yukari. Don't act so tough. If you're scared, there's nothing wrong with asking others for some help. Don't push yourself so hard, Yukari." Moka said, walking up to her, ignoring the lizards and ME! "Don't bit off more than you can chew. You're still a little girl, you know." She said sweetly.

"I'm not pushing myself too hard." Yukari said softly.

"Am I being ignored?" I asked.

"The truth is you've been alone your whole life, right?" Moka asked, shocking Yukari. If you feel lonely, and you don't like being all alone, why don't you say so?" Moka asked.

"I was the same. All alone, all by myself." Moka said, teary-eyed.

"You, too, Moka?" Yukari asked.

"How many times do I have to tell you: That was you being insecure and not making an effort to branch out to others?" I said.

"That's why I'll never give up on you. Why I want to help you and be there for you, Yukari. No matter what." Moka said, holding Yukari's hands.

"Thank you, Moka." Yukari said, crying a little, embracing Moka.

"I just remembered why I hate friendship speeches." I said in an annoyed tone.

"Hey, what gives?! Did they forget about us or something?!" The leader asked.

"Yeah, what are we, chopped liver?!" The brat asked.

I turned back to them as I realized they were still there. "Oh, yeah, I forgot about you guys. You're still here?" I asked.

"We're not gonna stand for this, you hear me, fellas?! I say it's high time we chow down on some of that yummy-looking rump roast!" The leader said, lunging to bit Moka's asked.

"How much more of a pedophile can you possibly be?!" I asked, making Nevan a scythe again and slicing towards his mouth.

"No!" Yukari asked, reacting at the same time as I swung Nevan, biting his tail, so he got a spiked scythe blade in his mouth and a small child biting his tail.

"Oww!" He cried in pain, forcing Nevan out of his mouth and looking at Yukari. "What do you think you're doing, you miserable little brat!" He shouted, swiping his claw at her, but instead scratched Tsukune's back as he dove and knocked her out of the way.

"Holy shit, Tsukune, good job, man! Okay, for that, you earn a badass point and lower your fail ranking a few places." I said, pulling out my notepad and jotting that down. Then I noticed his back. "Damn. That's probably a few pints, though." I said, writing that down. Current Tsukune Pint Lost: 58.

"Wait, I don't get it, why are you here?" Yukari asked.

"I'm sorry about before. I get how you feel; I know what it's like to be all alone, too." Tsukune said.

"No, you don't, you liar, you don't know anything!" She said, pounding on his shoulders a little.

"So, come on. Please let me do what I can to help you, okay?" Tsukune asked.

"That does it! I'm sick of the friendship speeches, I'm out of here!" I shouted in rage, throwing Nevan over my shoulder and walking off. Then someone put up a "technical difficulties" sign with a chibi version of Deadpool shrugging.

"Sai, wait! We need you for the big fight!" Tsukune said.

"I am not gonna indulge myself in this anymore with all this friendship bullshit! That's why I hate any Yu-Gi-Oh episode Tea shows up in!" I snapped.

"Okay, we'll stop it, but we need you in this." He argued.

"Fine, but if we say anything else about friendship, I'm hospitalizing all of you." I said, putting down the chibi sign and getting back to the scene.

"Alright, that's enough. For the last couple of minutes, it's been nothing but sappy melodrama." The leader said as they lunged for Tsukune and Yukari.

"I actually agree with you." I said.

Just before they could destroy the two, however, Kurumu swooped in and saved them, taking to the sky again. "Are you two okay?" She asked.

"Kurumu!" Yukari said.

"Perfect timing, Batgirl!" I said, waving to her.

"Ugh, you guys are heavy." She said, setting them down.

"Thanks for helping us out back there." Tsukune said.

"Give me a break, ANOTHER do-gooder?!" The leader asked.

"OH! You just ADMITTED you were the bad guys!" I laughed.

"That's it! Get him!" The leader said.

"Fine then. 'Mere." I said like Gabriel Iglesias. Tsukune then slumped from blood loss. "60… Screw it, you're ROYALLY FUCKED!" I told him.

"I got him!" The brat said, rushing at me.

"Time for my favorite Christmas song!" I said, pulling out a radio and playing the song.

"You better breathe! You better not move! You're better off dead, I'm tellin' you, dude! Santa Clause is gunnin' you down!" I said, pulling out the blue rose and blasting him in the face, knocking him out. That gun can't kill ANYTHING in one shot.

"Muh- My turn!" The fat one stuttered in fear.

"Let's play." I said in a sadistic voice, taking Mileena's fighting stance as the radio switched to the Mortal Kombat theme song. I used the ball roll again, then uppercutted him as I popped up, then teleported and kicked him out of the air and onto the ground, then leaped with a sai in one hand and stabbed him in the stomach. I then turned to the last one and smirked, going Super Saiyan. "Your turn." I said.

"That red hair! It was white before! Getting your hair dyed is against school rules! So is that trench coat. And having so much power is against school RULES!" He said, rushing at me.

"Bullshit!" I said, rolling onto my back, kick him into the air, then I teleported after him and fired a Torn Sky Blast at him at close range, shooting him into the lake. "Devastating." I said. Then looked at the other two and smirked, the Mass Effect renegade icon appearing off to my right. "Time to be a jerk." I said evilly. I jumped into the air and crashed my heel down on the fat one's skull, crushing it, then pulled out a Scorpion-like mask from one of my pockets, putting it on, then taking it off to reveal a flaming skull for a head, then I spewed fire over the brat, roasting him. I put the mask back on, took it off and was myself again.

"Sai! That was NOT very paragon." Tsukune scolded.

I spat, then glared at him. "Renegade for life." I said.

"I don't get it. Why did you guys help me?" Yukari helped.

"Didn't you hear anything we said, Yukari? We came to rescue you because we all wanna be there for you no matter what. You don't have to be alone anymore." Tsukune said nicely, then looked at me. "Sai, do you have anything to add to the friendship speech?" He asked.

"Fuck off." I told him.

A few days later…

Kurumu, Moka and Tsukune were walking to the classroom, carrying bags of I don't know what. "About Yukari, I heard she totally cleaned up her act the other day. She got up in front of the whole class and apologized for the mean tricks she pulled. Everyone started to feel guilty about the horrible things they said to her. Little by little they started to open up to her." Kurumu said.

"That's really great!" Moka said happily, opening the door.

"Yeah. Things will probably get back to normal now." Tsukune said.

They walked in to witness Yukari hugging me tightly and me trying to pry her off with a crowbar. "Oh, my Sai, I just love you to death!" She said.

They dropped their bags in shock. "Yukari, what's up?" Moka asked.

She turned to look at them. "Hey, guys! Our classrooms are right next to each other, I should come over and play sometime!" She said happily.

"Come over and play?" Moka asked.

"Yeah, it'll be fun, because I'm already in love with you, Moka, and now I've fallen madly in love with Sai, too, isn't' that great?" She asked.

"No, it's not! I'm not a pedophile!" I said, still trying to pry her off without hurting her.

"When Sai chased me that one time, for some reason it made me feel like I wasn't a kid anymore. What I mean is I want him to chase me over and over again!" She said still hugging me.

"Ain'ta gonna happen." I told her, prying her off more.

"Oh, no you don't! Sai is mine and don't you forget it!" Kurumu said, yanking on me.

"I don't belong to anyone!" I said, trying to pull away.

"Hey! You let go of him, he's mine!" Yukari said, pulling back.

"Both of you are wasting your breath." Moka said, looking down so her hair covered her eyes.

"Thank you, Moka! At least you can remember I have a girlfriend." I said.

"Sai belongs to ME!" She said, diving at us, also grabbing me.

"Alright, that's it!" I said, going Super Saiyan, blasting them away covered in fire that went out once they hit the ground.

"Moka! Are you okay?!" Tsukune asked, holding her.

"Yeah, but… I'm so… Thirsty." She said, drinking his blood.

"Ah! No, cut it out! Come on, Moka! You're gonna suck me dry!" Tsukune complained.

"…. That sounds so wrong." I said.


	5. Chapter 4: nerds plus beatdown

My day started out like any normal day... Jeez, how overly-used is that line? Abridged Series or not, it's in every anime at one point. Oh well, anyway, I was walking to the GOD-FORSAKEN school of which I was totally tricked into going to when, as always, the rape attempts began first thing in the morning. Moka came from nowhere and grabbed onto my arm, holding it. Then, from the other side, Kurumu showed up, looking furious, then the two either were using me as the rope for tug of war, or were trying to rip my arms off, because they started pulling on my arms to get me away from the other one. Then, Yukari came from nowhere and jumped on my back, adding to my annoyance.

"That's it. I can't take it anymore." I said, powering up to Super Saiyan, bursting on fire and forcing them to let go. Then I just walked away like a badass and headed to class, where, much to my surprise, we were actually LEARNING something that DIDN'T involve cats! I thought I was in the Twilight Zone!

"Now then, let's move onto the next page. Please read it out loud for us Mr. Aono." Ms. Nekonome said, looking at Tsukune.

"Oh, this will be good." Said Damion, another friend in our little group who can't stand Tsukune who sits just to my right in class. He's also a vampire and is Darkchild1996's OC for his story similar to this one.

"Yep. Let's see how bad he screws it up." I said as we looked over to Tsukune, who appeared to be spacing out.

"Mr. Aono?" Ms. Nekonome asked again.

At this point, Tsukune began scratching his head and began whining again. "Oh, what am I gonna do?!" He said to himself.

Damion and I looked back at each other at this point. "What a baby." We said, each taking a drink of our beverages: in my case, Root Beer, in Damion's: A blood-transfusion pack.

"Tsukune?" Moka asked, poking him in the back with the eraser part of her pencil.

"What the hell am I supposed to do?!" He screamed suddenly, rising up from his chair, causing the entire class to stare at him.

"Not be a bitch?" I asked.

"Stop having pansy-ass breakdowns all the damn time?" Damion threw in.

"It's simple, just read this page out loud for us." Ms. Nekonome said, smiling, causing Tsukune to blush since he remembered where he was.

Later, on the roof again...

"What are we always doing on the damn roof?" Damion asked.

"That's what I said!" I pointed out.

"Anyway, what was with you in class this morning?" Moka asked Tsukune.

"Oh, nothing. I just wasn't fully awake, yet." He said.

"Or you were just spazzing out again." I smirked.

"When isn't he?" Damion asked.

"Guys, enough!" Moka snapped.

"Yes, ma'am." I said.

She looked back at Tsukune then. "Well, that's good to know, but if you're ever in trouble, you can come talk to me about anything." She said. "Because... You and I..." She said, blushing slightly.

"Moka?" Tsukune asked.

"Tsukune..." She fawned.

"Moka..." He fawned as well.

"OH MY GOD!" I growled, kicking Tsukune off the roof.

"Thank you." Damion said.

"Hey, guys!" Kurumu said, appearing from nowhere.

"That's it, I'm out." I said, pulling out the Blue Rose, blasting myself in the stomach with it and sending my flying off the roof. "Whoa! That was fun!" I laughed as I rolled across the ground, healing instantly.

Later, I was carrying my garbage to the incinerator, when suddenly, three dudes who looked even lamer than Tsukune stepped in front of me, looking like they want to fight, as the two tall ones had their fists up and the short fat one was cracking his knuckles. But even though they were trying to act tough, they were crying like bitches, but they did have a furious red and black anime background behind them.

"You're him aren't you? Sai Blade, right?" The center one asked.

"Sai Blade...? SAI Blade...? Does he have a badass black trench coat that goes down to his knees, like this?" I said, putting my hands in my waist pockets of my trench coat and holding it out as if I were Batman holding out his cape.

"Yeah." They all said.

"And does he throw fire like this?" I said, throwing a couple of fireballs, then juggling 3.

"Yeah." They confirmed.

"And does he say 'what's up, doc?' Like this?" I said, leaning against the fat one with my elbow propped on his head, taking a bite from a Slim Jim. "Eh, what's up, doc?" I asked.

"Yeah!" They all said, frantically nodding.

"Nope, never heard of 'im." I said, grabbing my trash and dumping it in the incinerator.

"Aw..." They said, then looked as if they realized something. "Hey, wait! You ARE him, aren't you?!" The tallest one asked.

"*gasp* You're a genius!" I said, pointing to him.

"And we're fed up with you!" The fat one said.

"And why is that?" I asked.

"It's because you're our number one enemy!" The tall one said.

"That isn't very wise on your part, then." I said in a cocky tone, folding my arms.

"You don't know why, do you? Then allow us to explain. Formation!" The leader said as they grabbed their blazers and ripped them off.

"Oh, what the hell, man?! I don't need to see any of that!" I said, turning my head and raising an arm to block my eyes. "I thought you said I was your enemy, not the dude you had the hots for!"

But instead of having no shirts on like I thought, they instead had pink, open jackets that said either "Moka is my life" (the leader), "Kurumu is my life" (the fatass) or "Yukari is my life" (The tall one).

"Start!" The leader announced, then clasped his hands together and began rocking back and forth. "Give me an M! Give me an O! Give me a K! Give me an A! And what does that spell? MOKA!" He said.

"Oh, jeez, cheerleaders," I said, rolling my eyes and pulling out a cigar. "Mind if I smoke?" I asked (Note: I don't actually smoke, it was a Futurama reference).

"I've got a cheer for the girl of my dreams, too, pal! Kuru, kuru, she's my love, touch her and you'll get a shove! Yeah!" The fat one said, pointing to his cheeks and rocking back and forth like the first one.

(Ooh, a shove! Terrifying! These guys are the most pathetic people in this anime so far, probably at all.) I deadpanned in my mind. "Okay, okay, I get the point!" I said, raising my hands and pushing forward, signaling that they could and SHOULD stop now.

"Y!U!K, A, R, I! Yukari, yay!" The tallest one cheered, fist pumping one fist after the other and turning slightly less than the other two.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" I said, raising a hand like I was getting ready to bitch slap them.

"I guess we'll explain a little more. I'm the president of the Moka Akashiya fan club, Kozo Azuhara!" The leader said with his arms crossed as the animation made him spin in place.

"And me! I'm the president of the unofficial Kurumu Kurono fan club, Basaburo Tyra!" The fat one said with his hands on his hips, spinning the same way, appearing to the left of the leader.

"Tyra? You mean like Tyra Banks?" I asked.

"And me? I'm president of Yukari Sendo's Private fan Club, Kubisako Nagai'i!" The tall one said, spinning, but not in any special pose. (I don't even care if I spelled any of their names wrong.)

"And together we form!" They said, striking annoyingly pathetic poses. "The Cute Girl Fan Club Coalition!" They announced.

"And look the fucks I give!" I said uncaringly, wanting the stupidity to end. "Look, if you want the girls, you can have 'em! Moka makes about as many friendship speeches as Tea Gardener from Yu-Gi-Oh, Kurumu believes Anti-freeze is a FOOD COLORING and DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON YUKARI! She'll sing DISNEY SONGS and BIRDS will RANDOMLY ATTACK YOU!" I warned them, reminding myself of their flaws, Yukari's being when she was following me around all the time while singing "There might be something there that wasn't there before" and a bunching of fucking birds landed all over me and wouldn't go away. "Anyway, are you going to get out of my way, or do I need to throw you into the incinerator along with my trash?" I asked them.

"How dare you say such lies and insult our goddesses!" They said, charging in and hitting me with what looked like party hats.

I merely looked at my watch, completely uneffected. "How long is this gonna go on, I have things to do?" I asked.

"Shut up! We'll keep beating you until you're nothing but cuts and bruises!" The leader said.

"Okay, I stopped caring hours ago. Bored now, you die." I said, glowing orange and raising both hands to the sky, fire surrounding me.

"What the fu-?!" They screamed, but then I quickly pushed my arms out to the sides and unleashed a massive blasting of fire while laughing like a maniac.

"I'm a maniac! MANIAC! Killin' fools!" I laughed. "I don't even know that song." I smirked, dumping my trash in the incinerator while the three of them, barely alive, ran away while pissing themselves.

At lunch the next day...

"So, they messed with you guys, too?" I asked Tsukune and Damion, eating my ramen.

"Yeah. They raised those cups, but I just raised up my badass aura a little and they ran like bitches." Damion smirked.

"Ah, the badass aura, what WOULD we do without it?" I asked.

"Well, they DID beat up Tsukune with those cup things." Moka said, holding onto Tsukune.

"Speaking of them, have you noticed they've been hanging around a lot?" Kurumu asked.

"Now that you mention it, I have." Yukari said.

"Flashback time." I said.

Flashback...

Yukari was walking down the hall carrying a DVD projector for something we did in class I can't remember. "Wow, this TV equipment is so heavy." She said. She looked around, then turned around the tall nerd took a picture of her. "Hey, creep! What the heck are you doing?!" She demanded.

He froze for a minute, but then began randomly taking pictures of everything, ignoring all the important aspects of photography. "Just taking pictures of our ever-changing school! See I'm in the photography club, so this is part of my duties! These photos are for the yearbook and not for my personal use at all." He said.

Kou then flew by to end the flashback...

"Dear god, I don't even want to know what a pedo like that would use those pictures for in his personal use." I said, kinda grossed out.

"Yeah, not gonna lie, even I'm disturbed by that one." Damion agreed.

"I've noticed them, too." Kurumu said.

Flashback...

Kurumu was at the school's shop getting ingredients for cookies, hopefully not ones for me. "Let's see, I need Vanilla Extract, Baking Powder and a bottle of liquor. Great! Yahoohoo! I really hope Sai is gonna like this!" She said (Goddammit!). Suddenly, she noticed the fat nerd looking at her, trying to pose manly, but failing and making me want to throw up. "What the?!" She said.

Later, she was walking down the hall, her boobs bouncing with that little sound effect while the fat guy walked not too far behind her, his giant stomach sloshing. She eventually stopped and turned around to see him in another failing-to-be-manly pose. "Again?!" She said, creeped out.

Later again, She walked out of presumably the Girl's Bathroom, to find him in another horrible pose, holding a wilting flower. "He's here too?!" She freaked out.

Even later... Ugh... Too many laters in one flashback... The girls were in Gym class and Kurumu bent over to touch her toes and noticed him yet again with a kitty face with his hand on his chin, looking at her. "He's still staring!" She freaked out.

End flashback, finally.

"Getting stared at is WAY worse. I mean I'd rather have my picture taken than have some pervert gawking at me like that." She said, eating her own ramen.

"Yeah. Me, too." Moka sweatdropped.

"If I were you, I would've been concerned what he was staring at in that last bit of the flashback." Damion said.

"And you put a bottle of liquor in my cookies?! What else did you put in there?!" I demanded. "No wonder I was so drunk I proposed to a mop!"

"Seriously?" Damion asked.

"Yep. I thought it was my GIRLFRIEND and proposed to it, but then I sobered up and was instantly disappointed and confused. And angry." I told him.

"Well, either way, those guys give me the creeps." Yukari said.

"I second that." I agreed.

"Same." Damion added.

"We can kick their asses if they try anything with us," Kurumu started.

"Hell yeah!" I laughed.

"But Tsukune is the real problem." She finished.

"So what do we do?" Yukari asked, flailing her arms.

"Maybe we should talk to a teacher about all this." Moka said.

"Oh, what do the teachers do? I killed 3 class representatives and no one said anything." I said.

"Yeah, if we told Ms. Nekonome, all she would do is look down and pout because she'd have to actually try to do something." Damion said, to which I nodded agreeingly.

"There's no need to talk to a teacher. Instead, the 5 of us will be Tsukune's bodyguards." Kurumu said.

"I am not being a bodyguard to a pansy like him, I already have to save his ass too much." Damion said.

"I will if he pays me enough." I said.

"You know, I can't help but think I've heard a line like that before." Damion wondered.

"You remember nothing." I said in a hypnotic tone (Damn! He knows I ripped off Deathstroke's line!) I thought.

"You girls, too?" Tsukune asked.

"Oh, don't start getting sexist again." I told him.

"He's one big ball of stereotypes and racism, isn't he?" Damion asked.

"Anyway, yes, we will be. It'll be like killing two turds with one bone, yahoohoo." Kurumu giggled.

"I think what you meant was killing two birds with one stone." Yukari said.

"Blonde and blue are the same thing, aren't they?" Damion asked.

"Apparently so, yes." I said.

"Thanks, but I'll be fine." Tsukune said, to which I bursted out laughing, until Moka pulled out that knife from Chapter 1.

"No, you won't! If they attack you, you're gonna get the crap beaten out of you again!" Yukari objected.

"Pretty DAMN quick, too." Damion added.

"Uh-huh. You're just not strong enough! It's because you're a hu-." Moka started, about to admit he was human, before I quickly glanced at her as she remembered and covered her mouth. "I'm sorry, I meant to say you're not that strong in your human form, but I bet you are when you change into your monster form! I mean, I don't really know, but I'm sure you are." She corrected herself.

"Right, yeah, I've gotta go. So, see ya." He said, getting up and leaving.

"Finally, I thought he'd never leave." I said, finishing up my own food.

Later, around back of the school near the woods...

Damion and I were in the middle of a friendly sparring match when Tsukune showed up as I was midway through a hazanshu and Damion was about to throw an uppercut. "What do you want?" I asked him as I quickly landed on my hands and spun to land on my feet.

"Look, guys, there's no getting around it. You both know I'm a weak human panty-waist, I can't defend the girls like this." Tsukune said.

"Why are you being so stupid and sexist about this? They're offering to be your bodyguards when you get into shit, they'll save you. If I were you, I'd let them take over, shut the fuck up and HIDE." I told him.

"Anyway, what's your point?" Damion asked.

"I need the two of you to train me." He said.

We both deadpanned, staring at him, then looked at each other, before we both started laughing uncontrollably. "Oh, my god! Oh, my god! It's too funny! Help me! I can't breathe!" I laughed, doubling over, holding onto Damion to avoid dropping on the ground.

"Dude, us training you would be a waste of time, I'd be like how Batman tried to train Superman. Either of us could throw you like a javelin, you'd never learn anything." Damion said.

"I agree. But, if you have some money, I MAY try to help you." I told him.

"I only have a 20, but here." He said, handing it to me.

"Fine, first we need to find something you can actually do. Let's see. Can you do this?" I asked, executing a Spinning Bird Kick.

"Probably not." He said.

"Then how about this: DODGE!" I said, kicking him as he failed to dodge.

"I guess not." He said.

"You know, when you look at this anime, there are way too many DODGE! Moments." Damion said.

"Maybe we'll go with weapons. That should be enough of a deterrent." I said, tossing him Future Trunks' sword, but he couldn't even lift it.

"It's too heavy." He said.

"I'm thoroughly convinced we'll never get anywhere like this." Damion said.

"Well, why don't we just give you a gun, I doubt you can screw that up." I said, tossing him the Blue Rose, which he barely managed to catch, then I walked 10 paces away. "Shoot me." I told him.

"What?!" He said.

"Shoot me. Let's see how good of an aim you are." I told him.

"That's crazy, I'm not gonna-" He started.

"Look, I doubt you can even hit me anyway, but this is the only thing I can think of to make you not a pansy who has to be protected by girls, besides, you're not gonna-" I was saying, but then he raised the gun and shot me in the head, blasting me back and sending me to the ground, causing the two of them to panic.

"Holy shit, Tsukune, you shot him in the fucking head!" Damion said in shock.

"I didn't know that would happen! I wasn't even aiming for his head!" Tsukune panicked.

"Oh, shit, what are we gonna do?!" Damion demanded, pacing.

I started laughing like crazy and got up. "Will you two relax? It's the Blue Rose, it couldn't even kill Saizou in one hit, I doubt that thing could kill me." I said, getting up. "But the look on your faces is priceless." I laughed, walking back.

"You know, I think guns are out." Tsukune said, handing it back.

"Well, obviously, there's only one way we're gonna get this done." Damion said.

"Yep. You thinking what I'm thinking?" I asked, to which he nodded.

"What is it?" Tsukune asked.

"Training montage." We both answered.

**Background Music: The best around from the Karate Kid movie**

Tsukune was doing basic punches and kicks in martial arts, then punched a tree and held his hand. Me and Damion started arm wrestling while he continued training. He then did some push-up and passed out after 20, to which Damion and I shook our heads. We cut back to me and Damion arm wrestling again, neither having gained an inch. Tsukune now did a split and successfully executed Cage's Nut Punch technique, but then he couldn't get up from the split. He then tried the Tatsumaki Senpukyaku, managing to get on revolution, but he had troubling keeping his balance when he landed. He then did more push-ups, getting up to 40. Me and Damion were still arm wrestling, both starting to turn red. Tsukune tried Mileena's ball roll, but only managed to roll twice before unballing and getting dizzy. Next, he tried Kitana's fan throw technique, but he horribly missed the target. He did more actual martial arts and managed to do a few of the basic moves and combos Damion taught him, but it was a rough attempt and he was decently tired afterwards.

He did more push-ups, this time only managing to do 10, but that was probably because I was laying on his back reading a Gameinformer magazine, eating pizza and drinking Root Beer. We cut back to me and Damion still arm wrestling, both now as red as if we were sunburnt and neither of us still got anywhere. We cut back to Tsukune, who threw a haymaker at my chest, hitting me and managing to at least disturb me, to which I nodded. Him and Damion were in a small sparring match and were actually matching each other for a small amount of time, but then Damion ducked under one of Tsukune's kicks and threw an uppercut, sending him airborne and onto the ground. For the final time, we cut back to Damion and I arm wrestling and I finally managed to pin his arm down and raised both hands to cheer.

**End Music**  
At the end, we were all panting and tired, but we made pretty good progress. "Good work Tsukune. You're probably about as powerful as Gohan was when he headbutted Raditz in one of the first episodes of DBZ." I told him.

"But he was only 4 and didn't even know what he was doing! He probably couldn't beat those guys either!" Tsukune said.

"Well, I was trying to be nice about it. You could probably take on one of those guys in their human form by now." I told him.

"Yeah, but if they go into their monster form, you're screwed." Damion told him.

"So this is what it's like to feel like Krillin." Tsukune said.

"I don't know what this Krillin is, but it sounds just like Raditz." I said.

"Sorry to say, man, but it's all downhill from here." Damion said.

I then looked up at the sky. "Tsukune. I saw a bird. It was pretty. Kick its ass." I told him, pointing at the bird.

"How am I gonna get a bird?!" He demanded.

"Eternal failure." I said, firing a Hadoken at the bird.

"That's it, I'm out of here!" He said, running off.

"You know, maybe we should've just given him some Pokemon to save his ass instead." Damion said.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot to rip off Pokemon sooner. Gotta do that more later." I said, making the note.  
Later...

Yukari was outside cleaning up and dancing with mops and brooms and such. "Sweeping up, sweeping up, it's so fun when sweeping up. Sweeping up, sweeping up-" She sang, until she saw Damion and I walking to the forest in the direction of the bus stop, Damion with a bag. "Where are they going?" She wondered.

"You know, it's nice to get away from there once in a while." I told him.

"So, are you really going to ask the bus driver to transport a pigeon to the human world?" He asked.

"Well, yeah, I didn't feel the need to write 20-some odd letters like you or Tsukune did, I only needed a pigeon to carry one letter. Besides, I doubt I can ask the bus driver to go all the way to America to deliver a letter." I told him.

"Okay, good point." He said.

"You know, any time I go through these woods I feel like one of these three things: I'll run into Slenderman, the Knights who say Nii, or I just feel like I'm on Endor." I said.

"You know, technically it was one of the moons of Endor, it wasn't ACTUALLY Endor." He said.

"Oh, don't start with that." I said, annoyed.

"Well, no, it's an important distinction to make."

"Look, they called it Endor in the frigging MOVIE, you can't really argue that it's-"

"IT'S A BLOODY MOON, SAI!"

"I'LL PUNCH YOU TO THE MOON IN A SECOND!"

Our arguing ended suddenly when Slenderman appeared. "GUYS..." He said, to which we panicked at the same time.

Sai: Oh, frig, it's that annoying guy! Quick, get the frig out of here, oh Jesus Christ!

Damion: Oh, bugger, it's that freak over there! Oh, bugger, let's get the bloody hell out of here!

We took off to what we thought was a safe distance, but we could still hear him. "I just wanted to inform you that it's actually called the forest moon of Endor." He said.

"We do not care, piss off! Ugh! That guy's such a frigging nerd, I hate him SO MUCH. He's like an evil Ben Stein." I said.

"On the bright side, he wound up directing us to the bus stop." Damion said, pointing, to where we also saw Tsukune.

"Oh, great, he's here, too. What, you couldn't handle a day of training, so you're giving up?" I asked.

"No, I hope you guys didn't tell Moka that, but I'm just-." He started before being interrupted.

"Where do you get off calling her Moka?" The leader of Moka's fan club said.

"Oh, not this again." I said as we turned to face them.

"She's one of our sacred goddesses, so how dare you say her name so lightly, you punk!" He snapped.

"The only punks I see around here are you creeps." I said.

"OH! He just DISSED YOU!" Damion laughed.

"We don't know where you three are planning on going." The fat one said.

"But you're off of school ground now, so that means the three of us can do this!" The tall one said as they transformed.

The leader put his cup over his head and turned into a giant, one-eyed umbrella with a weird mouth, the tall one just extended his neck to be the length of a large snake and the fat one just became fatter, slimier and lost his eyes and mouth.

"Oh, good, maybe now he can't run his mouth." Damion said, sweatdropping.

"I don't even want to touch these guys to hit them. Fortunately, I don't have to," I said, pulling out the Blue Rose. "All I wanna do is!" I said, shooting the fat one 4 times, but the bullets bounced off of him. "... Dammit, Nero!" I said, putting the gun away.

"Ha! Well, now you're out of tricks, so that means you're done for!" The fat one laughed.

"Dammit, he can STILL run his no-longer-existent mouth." Damion said annoyed.

"Anyway, as for being out of tricks, I think you'll find I NEVER run out of tricks." I said, pulling out a Pokeball. I tossed it into the air, causing it to open and release Yanmega (for those of you wondering, I am basically clueless about Pokemon after Diamond and Pearl, so from 1st to 4th generation is all you will see).

"A big dragonfly? What's that gonna do?!" The leader smirked in a cocky tone.

"Oh, nothing much, just flap his wings so fast he'll make hypersonic waves to cause you guys HORRIBLE internal damage." I said, matching his smirk (I actually have a book about all Pokemon up to the 4th generation, minus Shaymin and Darkrai, that says Yanmega can do that).

"Yanmega!" It buzzed in response, then flew up and did exactly what I said it would, horribly injuring them and bringing them to their knees.

"Why didn't you tell me about THOSE when we were training?!" Tsukune asked.

"A: I forgot, B: I thought we were teaching you to defend yourself." I explained.

"Plus, we wanted to put you through crippling physical trauma." Damion explained.

At that moment, Kurumu flew down to us, carrying Moka and Yukari. "Question: Why do I always have to carry you guys everywhere?" She asked, sounding strained from their weight.

"Maybe we should've had HER do all the physical training Tsukune did." I said.

"She probably wouldn't complain as much." Damion agreed.

"I'm sorry, this is my fault, I can't remember the magic spells to make us fly." Yukari apologized.

"Guys, this can wait! Tsukune and the others can't." Moka said as they landed.

"Oh, hey girls, good to see you. You three can finish these guys off. Yanmega just did most of the work and I don't wanna touch those things." I said. (I've been meaning to have Moka fight the next few fights, anyway.) I thought.

"Oh, you think we're done now?! Come on guys, it's time to combine!" The leader said as they did so, becoming an even lamer, blobier monster.

"You guys HONESTLY shouldn't have said anything." Damion said.

"I'm losing hope in this anime more and more." I said.

"That's it, let's get 'em!" The thing announced, rushing at us.

It managed to get close enough to attack. Damion and I jumped back, but Tsukune, of course, was too stupid to do so, he just flinched. "DOOOOOODGE!" I shouted.

I withdrew Yanmega and shot the monster in the knee, managing to trip it while Damion and I walked around him and back to the girls, where Tsukune removed Moka's rosary.

"Another pointless plot device." Damion said.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Tsukune's ONLY job in this anime is to take off the rosary and get into trouble, but they don't need to take off the rosary, Moka just needs to get pissed enough. Remember in Episode 9?" He said.

"Yes, I remember now, but I'm gonna stop you there, no spoilers." I told him.

"Right. Oh, by the way, thanks for skipping over the friendship speech." He said.

"Hey, stop ignoring us! As for you Moka, please come and accept our love!" It said, rushing at us.

"Never, not even if you were the last monster on Earth." She said, then looked at me. "You have anything that could trip them up?" She asked.

"One ice patch, comin' right up." I said, tossing a Pokeball to release Glalie, which shot an ice beam to freeze the ground in front of the stupid monster, causing it to fall so Moka could kick it better or something. "You know, now that I keep watching, I'm glad I skipped so much of this episode. This scene alone has way too many fail moments." I said.

"Get lost, losers! Know your place!" She said, kicking them away.

"And it's HOOOOOOOOOME RUN!" I announced.

They broke apart, muttered something about being the Vampire fan club and passed out.

"If they're the vampire fan club, I'm gonna feel sorry for being one, since they'll be my fans." Damion said.

"Now, back to you three. You're leaving doesn't work for me. Tsukune, if you left, there'd be no more blood for yours truly." She said, putting her hands on her hips.

"Told ya, man, you're her walking vending machine." I smirked.

"And if any of you three left, the other Moka would be devastated. It would make her cry and break her heart." She explained.

"I'm not leaving, I just need to send this pigeon to the human world to tell my friends back at DMC about the school. If I didn't, you could expect a war that you wouldn't be able to win." I said.

"Same here, I'm sending some letters to my family." Damion said.

"Me too." Tsukune said.

"But you two had packed bags!" Yukari objected, pointing at Damion and Tsukune, who reached into said bags to reveal a bunch of letters.

The bus driver finally showed up and after asking if he'd mail their letters and send my pigeon to the other side, he left. After which, Damion elbowed me in the side to get my attention. "So, hey, why didn't you just have one of your Pokemon go through and mail that letter for you?" He asked.

My exact reaction was, "... DAMN YOU, HINDSIGHT!"

The next day in class...

"Due to some construction delays, it took a little longer than anticipated, but at long last, class, I'm happy to announce that there is now a payphone in the campus store, one that will connect you to the human world." Ms. Nekonome said.

"WHAT?!" Tsukune, Damion and I demanded all rising from our seats. (If I'd known that was going to happen, I wouldn't have spent all that time training that DAMN pigeon or writing that letter. I fucking HATE writing!) I thought.

"Also, the bust that only came here once a month? Due to overwhelming demand, it will now be coming here every day." She said.

"Now there's two things pissing me off, yet are also advantages." I said quietly. Then I turned back to talk to Kurumu. "Well, that's good news for me, Kurumu, since now I can call my GIRLFRIEND up from time to time." I said with a smirk.


	6. Interlude Plus Cameos

At everyone's favorite Devil Hunter's office...

Dante and the gang, with the help of my brother, Lance, were taking down demons left and right. Lady was using her guns to their fullest potential with incredible skill, wiping out any demon coming near her with style while being sexy at the same time. Trish was also being pretty stylish with her guns and lightning, although she wasn't using the Sparda sword, which she somehow misplaced, I wonder why.

Back at Yokai...

"This... Is... SPARDA!" I said, slamming the massive blade down another monster bastard who was trying to fight us for Moka and the other girls.

Back to DMC...

Nero was swinging his sword and bashing people with his arm, same as always, no style or skill, just straight up hacking and slashing. Dante was easily maneuvering around the demons and beating them down with style and precision, better than most would think from the red-coated Devil hunter. Lance, meanwhile, was literally dancing around the demons and attacking them to the rhythm of "Glad you came". Once they were all finished, a pigeon flew down to Dante and landed on his shoulder, holding a letter in its mouth.

"Well, I guess Sai's finally checking in. 'Bout time, I thought he was dead." Dante said, opening the envelope it was in.

"Let me see that!" Lady said, reaching for it.

"Ah, ah, ah. I'll read it for everyone. No one gets special treatment." Dante said, sitting at his desk, unfolding the letter and reading it. "Ahem." He cleared his throat.

"Dear con-artist friends,

It's me, finally checking in because the damn bus wouldn't come for a month, so I had to wait it out. I have good news, bad news and worse news." Dante began.

"If someone did something to him, I am gonna kill them!" Lady growled, looking at Kalina Ann on her back.

"Good news: This school is made for teaching monsters to coexist with humans, although it's more like 'blending in' with them instead of coexisting. Bad news: I don't know why, but all the girls are throwing themselves at me. Don't worry, Lady, I'm staying faithful and keeping my hands to myself. Worse news: The girls throwing themselves at me are fricking insane and almost all the guys are trying to fight me for them." Dante continued.

"Well, sounds like he's getting a workout. And hopefully his ass kicked"Nero smirked.

"Say that again, I'll rip your lungs out through your chest." Lance warned.

"I've made a few friends here, however. I suppose I can call them friends, anyway. An overly-cheery vampire named Moka who goes from Twilight vampire one minute to badass vampire bitch who could kick Nero's ass effortlessly once her Rosary is taken off, but unfortunately makes about as many friendship speeches at Tea Gardener. Next, a blue-haired succubus, Kurumu, who must've been blonde before, a little witch girl, Yukari, another vampire named Damion, who is equally as badass as me and easily the least annoying out of our group. And lastly, a bitchy, whiny human named Tsukune who freaks out about everything."

"I do not know what this Tsukune is, but it sounds disappointing." Lance said.

"Damion and I have been trying to teach him how to fight and defend himself a little..."

Back at Yokai...

"Okay, Tsukune, all badasses must have a theme song and fight to the music." I said.

"Yeah, for instance, mine is Monster by Skillet." Damion said.

"And mine is Inside the Fire by Disturbed." I told him.

"Okay, how about Roar by Katie Perry for me?" Tsukune asked.

"No, that song is too awesome for you to have." I said.

"Anyway, what did you mean when you said fight to the music?" He asked.

"Well, that just means you fight like how it says in the song or hit someone at the big moments of the song. Like this." I said, playing The Remedy by Seether.

I locked both fists together and smashed him in the side of the head, sending him sailing in the direction I hit him when they sang "frail", appeared in front of him and slammed my fist into his stomach when they said "pale", then ran towards the school and slammed him into a wall when they said "fail". Kicked him off of the wall when they said "clip", then threw an uppercut, launching him skyward when they said "high", chased him into the air, then flew down and smashed him into the ground when they said "lie".

"And that's all there is to it." I said.

He was barely conscious, but managed to pick himself off the ground. "Okay, what's the next lesson?" He asked.

"Even easier, I found you a sparring partner." I said, pulling out a Pokeball and releasing Rampardos. "This is where you run away before he charges you." I said.

"Wait, what?! AAAH!" He screamed and started running as Rampardos started dragging its foot, then building up speed to chase him...

"But it's not working. Anyway, I guess I'll be staying at least until the end of this school year to protect the little nerd (They don't allow humans at the school and if they find out he's a human, they'll kill him), or else I know you guys would kick my ass for it. Lady, I love you and miss you, baby and can't wait to see you. Dante, say hi to my brother and punch Nero in the face for me. And Nero, if you're there, I'm only kidding and I can't believe I'm saying this, but I even miss you, too, man. Follow me on Twitter TheFireFuckr

Sincerely, Sai Blade." Dante finished.

"Well, he actually does care about us." Nero said surprised (obviously, he hasn't figured out I stole the Blue Rose yet).

"Can't wait to see him again. Those bitches better keep their hands off him, though." Lady said, grabbing Kalina Ann.

"Lady, relax. He may be a perv sometimes, but unless they hypnotize him or something, he's gonna stay faithful to you. You know that. He's too afraid of you to cheat on you." Trish said, teasingly, putting her arm around Lady's shoulders.

Back at Yokai...

"Get the hell off of me, Kurumu!" I said, struggling as she was smothering me in her boobs, trying to escape before I passed out from oxygen deprivation. "Kaioken!"


	7. Chapter 5: Mermaids Plus Weakness

We were in the midst of a now very intense Soccer game, score was tied, one minute left on the clock. Tsukune, through all his failure, let someone get the ball from him just as he was in scoring range. I was the goalie, standing there with my arms crossed, a blade of grass in my mouth. The dude advanced pretty quick, then kicked the ball to send it in over my head.

"THAT won't work!" I said, jumping up and headbutting the ball with enough force to send it into the other teams goal, although it threw me off balance and made me spin in the air 15 times, but hey, I still got the goal. "Total. Badass." I smirked while everyone cheered.

"Not bad at all, man." Damion congratulated me.

"Yeah, Sai, that was awesome." He said.

"Well, someone has to fix your mistakes, right? So what if it gave me a concussion." I said, then dropped like a sack of potatoes.

"You think he's faking it?" Tsukune asked.

"Probably. He made a joke when you shot him in the head, so why wouldn't he about this." Damion said.

"Dammit, you guys know me too well." I said, doing the martial arts get up. We walked along the path until we met up with Moka, who, guess what? Sucked Tsukune's blood.

"It was delicious as always, thank you, Tsukune!" She said, then picked up her bags, started off, but then turned around to face us. "We'd better get a move-on or we're gonna be late!" She said.

"Like I care. I highschool I always showed up to each class like 10 minutes late." I said (no I don't).

Later in class...

"Okay, everyone! It's time for you all to join a club!" Ms. Nekonome said.

"Huh. I wonder if they have a 'make fun of Heihachi Mishima's hairstyle' club?" I wondered.

"I... Don't think that's a good idea." Damion said.

"Oh, hell no." I said, remembering what happened to DINO after I dared him to do that in exchange for buying his game. The end result was Heihachi royally FUCKED HIM UP and I didn't buy the game (SUCKER!).

"A club?" Tsukune said, then it looked like he was having another annoying little fantasy as he started nuzzling his desk, to which Saizou, Kurumu, Moka, Damion and I all stared at.

"The hell is his issue?" Saizou asked.

"No clue, my friend, no clue." I said.

"As you all know, the focus of this school is to prepare our monsters to adapt to human society," Ms. Nekonome explained, "Through participation in these clubs, you'll learn to act just like humans, appreciate arts they've developed and deepen your understanding of the human culture," She then pointed to the board, which had a picture of her with her tail sticking out, looking all ditzy with the words "beautiful female monster" next to it and a picture of her facing straight forward, apparently with the tail away, looking totally serious with the words "Beautiful female office worker" next to it, "Now in order for your transformation into the human form to be perfect, you have to have a firm grasp on humans themselves. And remember this: You must never reveal your monster form, no matter what!" She said.

"Ugh. She already told us this. And you know, her lessons are usually what makes up most of these chapters." I said.

"What are you talking about?" Saizou asked.

"Breaking the fourth wall, Saizou, you wouldn't understand." I explained.

"Um, excuse me." A student in front of us said, raising his hand.

"Yes?" She asked.

"Your tail." He said, pointing to it to inform her that her cat tail was sticking out. "MEOW!" She whined, scratching his face, leaving him with scratches that looked like a sideways tic-tac-toe board.

"Da fuq?!" I asked.

"What the hell?! She can't do that, can she?!" Damion asked.

"Don't forget to check out the Newspaper club! I'm the overseer of that one!" She said.

"Ain'tagonnahappen." Damion said.

"Fuggetaboutit." I said in my voice of Enzo from Bayonetta.

Later at the club convention, or whatever the hell it was...

People were all over, handing out invitations to each club, none of which were your average, everyday club.

"There's a ton of different clubs to choose from, huh?" Tsukune said.

"I'm gonna go look for a club that teaches you how to disembowel things." I said, starting off.

"You'll stay right here." Damion said, grabbing my shoulder, pulling me back.

"Hey, I've got a good idea! Let's all join the same club!" She said.

"I was afraid she'd say that." Damion said.

"You know what this means? We're gonna join a club that only she likes and we have to pretend to like it, but really we're just gonna be pissed and wanna kill everyone." I said.

"Come and take pictures of ghosts with us!" Said a creepy dude who looked like a paper cut-out. Moka screamed and clung to Tsukune.

"Da fuq?!" I said.

"Who the hell failed doing your animation!?" Damion asked.

"Acupuncture club?" A dude with green skin, covered in needles asked. Moka screamed at him, too and held onto Tsukune.

"Da double fuq?!" I asked.

"Fuck that." Damion said.

"Mummy club?" A dude wrapped up like a mummy asked. Moka now jumped into Tsukune's arms and he held her bridal style, putting her panties on display.

"I'm starting to think this entire episode is on crack." I said, looking at Damion.

"This from the guy who wanted to look for a disembowelment club?" He asked.

"Make love potions with the chemistry club!" A dude in a lab coat said as they all held out potions to Moka, causing her to scream again.

"No." Damion said.

"Next." I said.

"Moka. Drink this!" He said again.

"NEXT." I said more assertively.

"Mine's better!" Another guy said, holding his out while they now had us cornered against a wall.

"NEEEEEEXT!" I shouted, blasting them away with fire.

We then saw a large group of guys swarming around one club stand. There was a girl there with long, aquamarine hair, dressed in a bikini. "My name is Tamao Itomuse. Come join me and my friends in the swimming club, guys." She said.

"Swimming club seems normal enough." Tsukune said, which caused Damion to hiss at him.

"At the moment, the swimming club doesn't have any boys, so that means any guys who join up now are sure to get a lot of personal service from us. So, what do you say, huh? Who wants to sign up?" She said, getting every guy's attention except mine and Damion's.

Meanwhile, Moka, Damion and I glared at Tsukune, who we knew was going to choose this one. "I think we found a winner, guys! I used to take soccer and do swimming lessons at one point" He said.

"Screw you guys. I'm going home." I said, walking off.

"Wait, Sai, why?" He asked.

"Are you really THAT stupid. I'm a fire monster. Fire and water, do the math. If you have 5 brain cells, you can get the answer." I told him, still walking away. Then I thought of something. "If you see Kurumu or Yukari, however, tell them I DID join the club." I told him.

"Yeah, screw it, I'm out, too." Damion said, walking after me.

"Oh, right, you're a vampire, you can't go in." I said after thinking for a minute as to why he wouldn't join.

"I think the only good club choice is Nekonome's newspaper club." He said.

"Okay." I said, putting on a hockey goalie's mask.

"You know, I just hope Moka has the sense enough to join a different club." Damion said.

"She's smarter than me or you, of course she does." I said.

Later in what I'm guessing was the Newspaper club's room...

"So, I'm guessing we're the only kids who bothered joining?" Damion asked.

"We're not kids. We're officially adults." I said, pulling out a bottle of Vodka.

"Of course, you're not the only members here, silly." Ms. Nekonome said, stealing the bottle from me, to which I sank down in disappointment.

Suddenly, the door opened to reveal another male student who kinda looked like Tracy from Pokemon entered. "Hey, sorry I'm late. I was picking up news for my next story.

"About time we meet another male character in this anime. Seems trustworthy enough." I said.

"I... Guess." Damion said.

"This is Gin. A second years student, so he'll be the leader of the club." She said, then left.

"As always, she leaves the important stuff to other people." Damion said.

"Who doesn't?" I asked, remembering the time me and Nero had to fight a giant dragon destroying Manhattan and I just left after saying "screw you guys. I'm going home".

"Well, I was kinda hoping for more members, but, oh well." He said.

"Blame Nekonome for that one, she sliced up a kid's face in class." Damion said.

"Well, might as well share a little bit about ourselves. I'm Ginei Morioka. I wasn't supposed to show up until next episode, but you guys chose this club, so I'm here." He said.

"Yeah, I needed to think of a plot twist." I said, tossing Loki's scepter in the air a few times.

"Well, care to share about yourself?" He asked.

"I'm Sai Blade. I come from a badass ninja clan, I can throw fire, go Super Saiyan and my two personal heroes are Deadpool and Richard from the Looking For Group comic series. Funny guys, but just as likely to kill you for no reason, then make jokes about it. I plan on using some of their running jags down the road, but I can't think of one right now" I said, until I caught the scepter wrong, causing the blade to impale my hand. I looked at it for a moment, then looked back at him. "Nevermind, got one. And don't worry, I'm okay." I said.

"I'm Damion. I'm a badass assassin who lost everything, now I'm here, trying to find out more about my family's disappearance and if they're still alive." Damion said.

"Deep." I said with a considerate nod.

"Anyway, as for the club itself, I think I'll save the big speech for when we have more members, but you guys should get the gist of it, right?" He asked.

"Yeah, take pictures of P.O.I's and interrogate people on what they know about the subject." I said, then looked over at Damion after pulling out the scepter. "P.O.I's are points of interest." I explain.

"Basically yes. And as for our first story, how about the Swimming Club Scandal?" He asked, which caused both of us to look at him with red exclamation points above our head.

Later on the roof near the pool...

"I'm getting used to the fact that we're always on the roof, but I'm just curious as to no matter what location on the roof we choose to go to, there's always a way there. You'd think some places would be off-limits or something." I said.

"Ignore it. It's another useless plot point." Damion said.

"Okay, so supposedly, their gonna try the same thing they did last year: Steal the souls of the men in the club," Gin explained, "So we're spying on them to get evidence."

"I feel like a pervert spying like this," I said, "Then again, I spy on Kyrie in the shower, but that's only to piss off Nero."

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." Damion said.

"Kinda surprised you guys didn't go for that club. Good thing you didn't though." gin said.

"I'm a vampire. Water kills me." Damion said.

"And I can swim, I just drown after 10 minutes of being in water at all. I'm NOT the guy you call in for the water missions. The only thing I can do with water safely is drink it. Unless of course I'm taking a shower." I explained.

"Either way, from the look of it, everything is peaceful for now, but we shouldn't give up just yet." Gin said, staring at the girls.

"I'm starting to feel like this was just something you made up." I said, looking at the stars in his eyes.

"Well, Moka's leaving." Damion said as he noticed just that. Unfortunately, water splashed on her and she got weakened and was sparking with electricity.

"She's a conduit!" I said.

"That's what happens to vampires when you put water on them." Damion explained.

I looked at him, then pulled out a water balloon and threw it at his face, getting the desired reaction. "I guess you're right." I said, then ran as he started chasing me with a bigass sword. "Now, now, we can settle this without violence!" I said. I jumped further and then turned and raised my hands, surrounded by fire. "But violence IS more fun!" I smirked. He responded my making his sword even bigger, probably as big as the pool. "It's not how big your fwoosh is. It's how you use it." I said, giving my fire more fwoosh until he crushed me with the sword.

"Hey, guys, you'll wanna see this." Gin said.

We came back, or more accurately, I limped back until my healing process finished and we both deadpanned as nothing happened except they were now playing pool games. Kurumu then started singing, but one line in particular caught my ear: "I don't bear these fruits for just anyone, they bounce and bounce for you!"

"Is she seriously singing a song about her boobs?" I asked.

"Wouldn't put it passed her." Damion replied.

After a long time...

"You know, these events are fun to watch and Kurumu and Yukari are good singers, but it doesn't look like there's anything out of the ordinary here." I said.

"Yeah, but maybe we should watch just a little longer!" Gin said, now drooling.

"Did you HAVE to introduce him this chapter?" Damion asked.

"Yes. Otherwise, we wouldn't have know about the events and been able to help." I said.

"Okay, here's where it gets fun. Look's like they're gonna start playing chicken!" Gin said happily.

"On second thought..." I said, making giant fire come from both hands.

"Wait a second, I need someone else to confirm this: A: how is it not illegal for these girls to be ripping off each others swimsuits and B: Is Yukari biting Kurumu's boobs?" Damion asked.

I looked back and confirmed. "Yes, yes it is." I said.

Eventually, Yukari ripped off Kurumu's bikini top and Tamao brought Tsukune in the water for a swim. Once Yukari did that, though, Gin fell back and passed out from getting over-excited. At least he didn't get the nosebleed.

"Let's draw on him. Oh, wait! I'll draw on him, you get a bucket of warm water." I told Damion, only to be met with a solid glare."Oh, yeah, right. Nevermind, I'll do it." I said, getting the bucket of water and putting his hand in it as Damion started drawing on his face.

"Hold up." He said, suddenly looking at the pool. "Oh, shit, he was right after all!" Damion said.

I looked to see the swim club girls all turned into mermaids, except Kurumu and Yukari and started biting the guys, turning them into prunes of corpses.

"What should we do? We gotta get down there and help! But how? If either of us touches THAT MUCH water, we're dead." Damion planned.

"Let me take care of this, Dam." I said, pulling out Loki's scepter, tossing it into the air, catching it and aiming it into the center of the pool. "I'MM FIRIN' MAH LAZOR!" I said, blasting into the middle of the pool. They panicked and scattered, luckily avoiding my shots, but they were still getting the guys.

"What's going on? Why are my pants wet?!" Gin asked.

"Well, you were right Gin. This will make one hell of a story." Damion said, taking pictures.

Suddenly, Moka came from nowhere and dove into the pool.

"Remember what I said about her being smarter than us? Apparently, I lied." I said.

Tsukune tried to save her, but then Tamao grabbed him. She was about to take a bite, but luckily, Kurumu saved him. "Man, we are not doing a whole lot." I said.

"Didn't you want Moka to fight this one?" He asked.

"Oh, yeah." I said.

Moka sank, then Tsukune swam down after her. It took probably 2 minutes, but that means that they sank a lot.

"Damn, that must be a deep pool." I said, throwing a fireball at another mermaid.

"I've got an idea to beat all the mermaids except Tamao in one shot. Sai, fire up. A LOT." Damion said. I did so and he threw me like a spear into the pool, as soon as I hit the water it created a mushroom cloud explosion, knocking them all out except Tamao.

"Sai Blade for the win!" I said, getting out of the pool after punching her in the face. At that moment, Moka resurfaced.

"Now, listen. You've been nothing but a giant pain in my ass." Moka said, glaring at Tamao.

"You're talking to her, right? I just helped SAVE your ass." I said.

"She's so powerful! I never expected this!" Tamao said, shocked. "But she's still a vampire!" She said, splashing Moka with water.

"Did you expect this?" I asked, putting a bucket over her head.

"Sai, leave her to me. She's just a little minnow." She said.

Tamao took a break from attempting to drown me and looked up at her. "Minnow? You'll pay for that!" She said, throwing me out of the pool and going underwater to rush Moka. "Vampires are weak in water, but for a mermaid like me, being in the water is home territory. Now way in hell do you have a chance of winning here!" She said, now almost right to Moka.

"What would happen if I made the water so hot it turned you into a fish stick? Or if I just turned all the water into steam. Steam burns SUCK." I said evilly.

"Oh, you think so?" Moka asked the mermaid, jumping into the air.

"Too slow!" Tamao said, jumping after her.

"Hey, Tamao, guess what?! You're not in the water anymore, you're way up in the air! Is that still home territory?" I asked.

"I can't believe you took the bait like that, just like a fish." Moka taunted.

Tamao merely laughed like she still had a chance. "Die!" She said, lunging for the bite.

"Know... Your... Place!" Moka said, kicking her with incredible force, making it look like a projection kick.

Tamao was launched back down and landed in the hoop for water basketball or whatever it was, getting stuck in it. "Dammit. How did she defeat me so easily?" She asked.

"do you really have to ask? That'd be like getting surprised or wondering what happened after Superman took down Spiderman in one hit." I said.

Tsukune came back to Moka, got slapped in the face and Moka took back her Rosary. "You listen to me. You don't understand a single thing about her, so don't pretend like you do. You're a little boy who can't think of anyone but himself. Consider her feelings sometime! She was crying her eyes out" She snapped, walking away.

"Not gonna lie, dude, you TOTALLY deserved that." I said, putting my arm on his shoulder, which then turned to a coal version of an arm and fell off. "Huh. That happened. I may wanna look into that." I said, picking it up and trying to put it back on. "It won't stay on. Who has some super glue?" I asked, looking around.

Later...  
Tsukune apologized to Moka, Damion and I were there for some reasons, then they began discussing what club they should join."Well, if you really wanna be in it, then let's just join the swimming club! I won't be able to swim of course, but at least I can cheer you on." She said.

"You're still considering being in that club after the shit they pulled?!" I asked.

"I'm amazed no one shut them down after the story we gave them." Damion said.

"Story?" They asked.

"Yeah, we joined Nekonome's newspaper club, since it's the only NORMAL club in this ENTIRE FUCKING SCHOOL." Damion said.

"Yeah and I'm still accepting members if you guys wanna join." Ms. Nekonome said, being above us near the pool.

"Let's do it!" Tsukune said.

"Uh-huh." Moka nodded.

"You all hold on, you're not joining any club without me!" Kurumu said, running up.

"Yeah, yeah, I wanna be in it, too!" Yukari said, also running towards us.

"Can I never be rid of them?" I said, looking up at the sky.


	8. Chapter 6: Werewolf Plus Pervert

As always the day started off with Moka asking to suck Tsukune's blood first thing in the morning, then ran off to class.

"If she keeps this up, I'll die from Anemia." He complained.

"By my count, you already should have." I said, holding up my notepad, showing that over the course of this year, Tsukune has lost an approximated 126 pints of blood.

"You're not gonna die from Anemia, you hypochondriac. You get blood back decently fast. For instance, you lose a pint one day, the next you'll be fine. Also, the more water you drink, it adds to the blood." Damion said.

"Is that a lie?" I asked, whispering the question.

"Probably." He answered.

"Sai!" Kurumu called out. Then she grabbed me and smothered me in her breasts. "I'm so happy I get to be in the newspaper club with you!" She said happily.

"Kurumu, if you keep that up, you're going to suffocate him." Damion told her.

"Kaioken!" I announced.

"Kaio-what?" She asked as I pushed her off and sent her flying.

"Whoops. Too much?" I asked.

"Maybe just a little." Damion said sarcastically, in other words saying "obviously".

As we walked do school, we heard some small talk amongst the girls.

"Did you guys hear that there's a Peeping Tom on campus?"

"Yeah, isn't it creepy? I can't even change clothes without looking over my shoulder."

(Probably not as creepy as that dream I had about Moka and Kurumu last night.) I thought, remembering an actual dream I had last night where Inner Moka drank Kurumu's blood and proceeded to violate her (I need help, don't I?).

"My club actually had to post a lookout whenever we change clothes."

"Good idea."

"Do you have to post the side chatter? We know what the main plot is, so why do you need to have side characters talk about it?" Damion asked.

"We are addressing the plot of the episode. This is the first we're hearing about it." I said, raising a finger matter-of-factly to state a point.

Later in the club room...

"Let's get started! I'd like to welcome you all to the Yokai Academy Newspaper Club!" Ms. Nekonome said, holding up a newspaper.

"Why didn't WE get a warm introduction like that?" I asked.

"Wait, are we the only members?" Tsukune asked.

"I asked the same question." I said.

"Prepare to be disappointed." Damion said.

"No, of course not, silly." Ms. Nekonome said.

"She said, the same thing when WE asked that." I said.

"Sorry I'm late." Gin said.

"You see? There he is now?" Nekonome said.

He walked in and had a bouquet of pink and red roses. "I apologize for being a little tardy, but there were some things I had to pick up." He said.

"Oh, dear." Damion sighed the entire sentence.

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Gin said, flashing his tooth.

"What, it wasn't a pleasure to meet us?" I asked.

"Of course it was, but..." He said, then handed the pink bouquet to Kurumu. "I'm Ginei Morioka, Club President." He said, flashing his teeth again.

"You say that like it means something." Damion said.

"But, please. Just call me Gin." He said, handing the red roses to Moka, flashing his teeth again.

"That's getting really old really fast, Gin. It'd be like if the only word out of Piccolo's mouth was 'dodge'. You gotta put it in at only the right time and not over use it. I didn't think I'd ever have to explain how running gags work." I said. "And why didn't I get flowers?!" I asked.

"Please tell me you're joking." Damion said.

"Of course. I DO like flowers, though. They help drown out the smell of being violated." I said.

He then noticed Yukari and took a rose from Kurumu's bouquet and handed it to her. "I guess good things DO come in small packages." He said. "Wow. Those roses make you ladies look even lovelier than you already are." He said.

I quickly drew something down and showed it to Damion: a picture of a jack and a donkey with an arrow pointing at Gin, in other words, I was calling Gin a jackass.

"Anyway, Gin here is the only other member of the newspaper club. He's also a sophomore, so he'll be club president." She explained. "So if you have any questions, please direct them to him."

"Of course, getting out of the hard work again." I said.

"Right. I'm here for all of you." He said, standing behind Tsukune and in front of the girls, so apparently not.

"Oh, the faculty meeting is about to start! Well, I'll leave the rest up to you, Gin!" She said, waving and leaving.

"Well, isn't that retardedly convenient!" I said, rolling my eyes.

"Sure, I got it covered." He said.

Later, around a conference table that randomly appeared...

"Let's get down to business. For starters, let me explain what this club is all about. First and foremost, the school writes, publishes and edits the school paper. When something happens here on Campus, we're here to report it and we'll do ANYTHING for a story." He started.

"Well, you missed quite a few of 'em before you came into the show." I said.

"Anyway, that includes throwing ourselves in harms way if need-be, so you'd better prepare yourselves now, guys! 'Cuz this club IS NOT for the faint of heart." He said dramatically, standing up.

"Prepare, okay." I said, pulling out my sais and putting on my Mileena mask.

"I don't think that's what he meant." Damion said.

"Yeah, you're probably right. Wrong mask." I said, swapping that one for my Scorpion mask.

"Wow, he sure sounds like a hard-hitting journalist committed to the truth." Moka said.

Then he lightened up. "But, of course, sometimes we just report on the normal stuff." He said, smiling and sitting back down.

"I'm infinitely less impressed compared to a few seconds ago." I said, my voice echoing demonically under the mask.

"With all that said, do any of you have any story ideas you wanna share?" He asked.

"How about 'Sai's wonderful world of Arson?'" I asked hopefully.

"No, pyromaniac." Yukari said.

"Top 10 ways to steal the Batmobile?" I asked.

"No."

"How to be a badass?"

The entire time that was happening, Damion was in a pool of his own tears from laughing too hard.

Then Kurumu finally pitched in. "I've got an idea: How about that Peeping Tom?" She asked.

"Peeping Tom?" Tsukune asked.

"Didn't we already address this issue, how do you not know what we're talking about?" I said, looking at Tsukune.

"You haven't heard? There's this pervert who's been going around campus lately and peeping on girls. The freak's so quick, no one's been able to get a good description of him yet." Kurumu said.

"The peeper is the worst of the worst." Moka said.

"Yeah, that's for sure. This guy's gotta be stopped." Yukari agreed.

"Moka, if you think a peeper is the worst of the worst, you clearly haven't met Doomsday or Medusa from Soul Eater." I said.

"I like Medusa, she's pretty badass." Damion said.

"You like evil, arrogant, annoying bitches." I told him.

"Then let's use the Newspaper to stop him." Kurumu said, to which everyone agreed.

"Well, then, the first thing we gotta do for this story is find ourselves some informants." Gin said.

"How do we do that?" Tsukune asked, walking over.

"Tsukune, you'll sound smarter if you keep your mouth closed. Or at least don't ask obvious questions." I said.

"Through the first rule of reporting: Hit the pavement and start asking questions." He said.

Later in... I don't know where...

Kurumu and Moka were putting up posters that said "Searching for information! Any information regarding the peeping tom. Anyone who knows, please come to the Newspaper Club".

"You're average citizen is your best resource." Gin said.

"Um, Gin? Are you sure you want us to put the posters this high?" Moka asked. Her and Kurumu were standing on their toes on step ladders, stretching as far as they could to put up the posters.

"Uh, no, I want 'em higher than that." Gin said.

"What? Did you say higher?!" Kurumu said.

"Yeah, just a LITTLE bit more." He said.

"I can help put up posters, too." Yukari said, walking up from nowhere.

"Well, not until you get a little bigger, okay? You're just too small for this right now." He said, looking at her (Well, at least he's not a pedophile).

Meanwhile, Damion, Tsukune and I were bringing back some posters. "Sometimes he's flippant and other times serious. I wonder what kind of guy Gin REALLY is underneath it all?" Tsukune wondered.

"That's a big word for you: "Flippant". Good work, Tsukune." I said.

"I don't know what kind of guy he is, but there's something about him I don't like." Damion said.

We then noticed how they were putting up posters and Gin suddenly knelt down. "Is this high enough?" Moka asked.

"Perfect! Just leave it RIGHT there." He said.

"What are they doing over there?" Tsukune asked, walking over.

"Tsukune, remember what I said about the stupid questions?" I said, then looked at the posters. "That's a stupid place to put them, nobody is gonna look up there for posters, so no one will see them." I criticized.

"You know, I'm positive Gin is looking up their skirts." Damion said in an annoyed tone.

"Yep. Hang on." I said, pulling out a camera, taking a picture of him looking up their skirts from behind them all, then used Shang Tsung's Hot Escape to teleport off to their right, taking another picture, then teleported to the left and took on more picture, teleported back to Damion, pulled out a red sharpie pen and drew dashes from his eyes to their skirts to indicate where he was looking.

"Moka? Kurumu? You guys doing okay up there?" Yukari asked while I was doing that.

"I'm good. Kurumu?" Moka asked.

"I'd be better if my boobs weren't in the way." She complained.

Tsukune, after kneeling down, finally realized what Gin was looking at and got a massive nosebleed, then jumped in the way so Gin couldn't see. "Gin, what the hell do you think you're doing, cut it out!" Tsukune demanded.

He stood up and turned his back to Tsukune, but was now facing us. "Huh? What do you mean?" He asked.

"I think you know EXACTLY what he means." I said, walking up to them, holding up the pictures. "Seems you're in a bit of trouble." I said in my Richard voice, which is rather threatening (if you go to YouTube and watch either "LFG: Slaughter your world" or "LFG This is War", you'll find that Richard is funny and has a rather threatening voice... Watch them anyway, their hilarious).

"You were TOTALLY looking up their skirts just then!" Tsukune snapped at Gin.

"He's right. Both of us also saw him do it and we have pictures." Damion said, taking the pictures from me and handing them to the girls, who had their heads down so their eyes were hidden by their hair, signaling there would SOON be blood. They were also giving off an aura that was even scaring ME.

"Damion, hold me!" I said, clinging to him in fear.

"Yeah, you're on your own this time, pal." He said, pushing me off.

The two grabbed him and began the most unholiest of beatdowns I have EVER witnessed in my life. And I've seen demons fighting gods. I quickly walked up to Yukari and covered her eyes. "Sorry, Yukari, but this is like God of War beatdown right now. I don't think you'll ever sleep again if you see this." I said.

"Hey, let me in on this!" Damion said, smashing Gin's head into the floor.

The next day...

Damion walked up to me as I was trying to wake myself up more. "Didn't sleep so good, man?" Damion asked.

"Well, that beatdown left a lasting memory, I'll just say. That was some scary shit. That and I made the mistake of watching Creepypasta's Hypno's Lullaby on YouTube." I told him (Warning: DO. NOT. WATCH IT. Hypno's lullaby is the CREEPIEST song I have EVER heard in the entirety of my EXISTENCE. It's scarier than ANYTHING in this anime or Soul Eater).

"It was fun, though." He said.

"He DID deserve that. Can't wait to see how beaten up he looks after that." I smirked.

Later, in the girl's dorm, or something...

"So are Moka and Tsukune going out or something?" A girl asked her friend.

"Well, I don't really know them that well, but I did hear something or other from somebody that they saw Moka kissing Tsukune on the neck." The other one said.

"Whoa, seriously?!" The first one asked.

Meanwhile, Gin, who was outside now, freaked out at this news. "AAAAAAGH! NO WAY, YOU GOTTA BE FRIGGIN KIDDING ME!" He screamed.

"Who's out there?!" The first girl asked. She pushed open the window as Tsukune just so happened to be walking by.

"Wrong place, wrong time, whee." Kou said.

The girl was glaring daggers at him. "You were peeping on us, weren't you, you slimeball!" She snapped.

"No, I swear, I was just passing by." He said.

"Looks like I'd better strike while the iron is hot. Especially since now I know how to drive a wedge between Tsukune and Moka." Gin said, remembering how Moka screamed that she hates perverts when she was beating the shit out of him.

Later...

Moka, Kurumu, Damion and I were interrogating Tsukune on the matter. "Look, it was all just a big coincidence. I was passing by right when they looked out." Tsukune said.

The girls merely looked away, but Damion leaned on Tsukune and rested his arm on his shoulder. "Come on, girls. He's a pervert sometimes, but we all know he's too much of a pussy to look at any girls besides you." Damion said.

"Good point." I said.

"But how can we be sure?" Moka said suspiciously and accusingly.

"Don't worry girls, I'll make sure he is severely punished, Get him, Ursaring!" I said, making the large bear Pokemon tear him to shreds.

Later...

"Did you HAVE to do that?" Tsukune asked, holding his dislocated arm.

"Have to, no. Want to? YES." I said, popping it back in place, which caused him to scream like a bitch.

"Why do you think the girls won't believe me?" Tsukune asked.

"They're girls. They're wired differently than us. All you'd have to do to win my vote is either pay me or buy me a BLT. Women, they're more about trust. It takes a long time to earn it and it's easy to lose it. It also depends on the type of woman. Like my girl, Lady, I can make jokes, look at dirty magazines and even playfully flirt with other girls and she's fine with it. But if I actually cheat on her, she WILL kill me. In Moka and Kurumu's case. All it takes is a little suspicion to ruin a relationship. It'll take time, but they'll trust you again." I told him.

"Would she actually kill you?" Damion asked.

"Oh, hell yes." I said.

"I can't speak for that, but I for one believe you, Tsukune." Gin said, appearing from nowhere.

"Hey! Only I'm the ninja who can show up from nowhere!" I said.

"You really believe me, Gin?" Tsukune asked.

He walked up and put his arm around Tsukune's shoulders. "Yeah, I've got your back, bro." He said, flashing his teeth again.

"If you do that again, I swear to the gods, I'll rip your teeth out." I said.

"I'll help." Damion said, holding up a pair of pliers.

"So, what's bothering you, Tsukune?" He asked.

Later, outside...

"You're worried Moka doesn't like you anymore, huh?" He asked.

"He's overreacting. He does that a lot." I said.

"Oh, what do you do if your precious Lady gets upset with you!" Tsukune snapped.

I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and lifted him into the air. "First off, speak about her like that again and you'll be breathing through a straw for 6 months," I said, dropping him, "Second, I just get wasted and let her go have a girl's night out to solve her problems." I said, pulling out a flask, which Damion swiped, to which I sank in disappointment.

"Man, Tsukune, if I were you, I'd stop hanging around these guys." Gin said.

"You're not much better." I said.

"No, but I wouldn't kick his ass all the time when I'm trying to teach him how to fight." He countered (In the Manga, it is implied the Gin is the one who teaches Mizore martial arts).

"Tough love." I said.

"No, just being tough. No love." Damion said, to which I nodded.

"Anyway, no matter what I say, she's completely convinced I'm a total perv." He said.

"You don't do a whole lot to prove otherwise." I said.

Gin looked at a window. "Hey, guys, see that? Climb up and take a peek." He said.

"Like how you were peeking up their skirts yesterday?" I asked.

"Yeah, do we really look that stupid?" Damion asked.

"What for?" Tsukune asked.

"You're not seriously considering that, are you?" Damion asked.

"What for? To change things with Moka, why else." He answered. Him and Tsukune looked at each other for a while, then Gin flashed his teeth again. Then I tackled him and kicked his ass. He managed to push me off, then he pointed to an oil drum. "Use that drum over there to climb on up." He said.

Tsukune was actually about to, but I grabbed his shoulder to stop him. "Can't let you do that, Tsukune." I said.

"You would trust a dude who you know is a perv, you caught him peeping on the girls before, to look into a window where you don't know where it goes. How big of an idiot are you?" Damion asked,

"Where does it go to, then?" He asked.

"I've made my way around this entire school exactly for moments like this, so I wouldn't be tricked to go somewhere I didn't know where it went to and I can confirm THAT is the girl's locker room." I told him.

"What?! Then Gin, you tricked me, you scum bag!" Tsukune snapped.

"Guys, I don't have to tell you that Moka's SMOKIN' HOT. I was howlin' the first time I saw her. And I said to myself: 'I definitely want her to join MY pack.'" He said.

"Yeah, mind NOT talking in useless metaphors that make it obvious to what your monster form is?" I said.

"What do you mean?" Tsukune asked.

"Tsukune! The stupid questions." I scolded.

"In other words, he's saying he wants Moka to be his girl." Damion said.

"You can HAVE her!" I said, hopeful to get one member of my unwanted harem off my back.

"No, he can't!" Tsukune said.

"I'll get her. One way or another." Gin said in a creepy tone.

"You know, I really don't like the way you worded that. Too creepy." Damion said.

"Yep. So now, it's time for you to get a feel for my favorite band: Five Finger Death Punch!" I said, rushing in to throw a super strong punch at his face, but then he disappeared (Fact: I FUCKING LOVE Five Fingered Death Punch).

"He's gone... Or perhaps... He never here to begin with." I said, widening my eyes as the screen zoomed in on me and went gray (Seriosuly, SOMEONE tell me where that originally came from). "Heyyy, too close, TOO CLOSE!" I said, until the screen zoomed in too far and hit me in the face, knocking me down (Spaceballs Reference).

"Where did he go?! It was so fast, even I couldn't keep track of it. It's like he can teleport." Damion said, slightly intimidated (In the BloodYokaiStudios Rosario Vampire Abridged series, he actually DOES teleport. I recommend that series by the way, it's funny. They make Gin an alcoholic and at one point, he's a hitman).

"Oh well, We'll run into him sooner or later." I said, pulling out an M4.

"Sai... Where are you going?" Tsukune asked nervously.

"I'mma go out for a little walk." I said, putting on some sunglasses walking off.

"The only thing more badass now would be if he sprouted either giant bat wings like Kurumu's or raven wings like Sephiroth and just flew off." Damion said impressed. I then did so. "Damn, we have lived." Damion said.

Later on the roof...

Moka was looking off into the distance, wondering if Tsukune really was a perv or not, when suddenly, she got a visitor. "What's up? What are you doin' out here? It's kinda late. It sure is a gorgeous full moon out tonight, isn't it?" Gin asked.

"Oh, hey, Gin." She said.

"I just heard. About Tsukune, I mean. I gotta say, though, the guy didn't really look like the type to peep. I guess it's true about some people having second natures inside of them." He said.

"If you knew just exactly you were talking to, you'd have no idea. And as for Tsukune being the type to peep, he isn't." I said, firing a shot passed Gin that grazed his cheek.

"Ah, what the hell, man, you could've killed me!" He said.

"I was trying. I just missed." I said. Then I looked at Moka as the wings retracted. "He was the one who peeped, Moka. I takes long naps in trees and I just-so-happened to pick a tree where Gin was spying on some women. That was the incident with Tsukune. He also tried to trick not only Tsukune, but also Damion and myself into trying to peek into the girls locker room." I said.

"Where's your proof?" He demanded.

"Artificial intelligence, my friend." I said, unleashing Porygon Z, which I had record and make a layout of the situation. Just then, everyone else arrived for no reason and also pointed fingers at Gin, who, in the process of trying to explain himself, stepped back, causing dozens of pictures of girls to fall out of his blazer. "Dammit! Oh well, I wanted to do things the easy way. I guess now I'm just gonna have to take you by force! Sorry about this!" He said, jumping away faster than anyone could track.

"That sounds like a rape claim." I commented.

He landed far away and began changing. His hair grew longer, he became purple, he began expanding, becoming more muscular and then his face protruded and he became a dog. He was a werewolf.

"Oh, you guys are supposed to be fast, huh? But can you outpace a demon?" I asked challengingly, limbering up and taking a running stance.

He rushed at me, so fast he was a beam of light. I managed to dodge it pretty easily, though. "Oh, please. I have to run faster than that when Nero finds out I've been flirting with Kyrie." I said. I tried my own attack, which should've hit, but he moved again, too fast for me to try and stop. "Okay, what the hell?! That should've landed easily!" I said.

"Sorry to tell you, but I'm a werewolf and we're known for our speed!" He said, appearing in front of me and kicking me high into the air. I went Super Saiyan and chased after him, but even with Damion's help and in Super Saiyan mode, we couldn't stop him. I did manage to hit him with a fireball, but it didn't stop him too much and he knocked me into the air again. "There's nothing I can do against that kind of speed! If this keeps up, I don't even think Moka could stop him!" I shouted, slightly panicked. Suddenly, I felt the intense brightness of the moon behind me. I stared at it long and hard for a moment, then grew angry. It felt as if it was toying with me. "Stop mocking me!" I shouted, shooting a fireball big and powerful enough to destroy it.

Gin looked up in fear to see that the moon was gone. "No, there's no way! If he blew up the moon, then my powers are gonna go way down!" He said in fear and disbelief.

"Take that, moon! Perfect orbit my ass!" I said, landing. I then looked as Damion easily took down Gin. "Yep! Once again ONE destruction has solved all of my problems. With no negative reprocussions." I said happily.

Back in the human world...

Integra was watching TV about an urgent News Report. "We've got breaking news that the Earth's moon has been completely destroyed. While the long term environmental effects can only be guessed at, preliminary speculations put the short-term death toll from tidal effects alone at the hundreds of millions. We now go to our resident expert on lunar science, Sailor Moon, Sailor?" The News guy reported, then went to her.

"Oh, dear God!" She screamed.

"Thanks, Sailor! We now return you to Nick at Night's 24 hour Full House marathon, already in progress." He said, cutting back to the program.  
"Oh, for the love of God, what has Sai done now?!" She asked.

The next day...

"Special edition!" Kurumu shouted.

"Hot off the presses!" Yukari called out.

"Hey, Damion, how useful do you think Gin would be if he's on our side in these fights we always seem to be getting wrapped up in?" I asked.

"Considering you BLEW UP THE DAMN MOON, less than before, but he could still have his uses." Damion said.

"You act like it's a big deal to destroy the moon." I said.

"Whop would've guessed that our first story would be about proving that I'm NOT a peeping tom?" Tsukune asked.

"I dunno, it could be likely." I said.

"Crazy, huh?" He said, looking back at Moka, who was on a stool putting up posters on the bulletin board. Unluckily for Tsukune, he could now see up her skirt from this and lost a couple more pints of blood from the nose.

"Don't look while I'm up here!" She said, embarrassed, kicking him and knocking him down.

We now see the paper that says "Yokai Newspaper: Extra! The true culprit behind the fabricated peeping tom was from year 2 class 1 Ginei Morioka. Speaking of him, he was in his monster form, running like hell from a herd of angry girls. "Get back here, you creep!" They shouted, chasing him. Somehow, he turned and started running the other way with them right behind. "Gin, you pervert!" They shouted again. Once more, he turned around and ran the other way with them close in tow. "You're gonna be sorry for peeping on us!" And again, he ran back the other way to try and escape. "You're dead!" They shouted.

"Hey, let's go trip him." I said.

"Good idea!" Damion said as we ran in his way and did so, leaving him to the angry swarm of girls.

"Don't worry everyone, the moon will be back next episode, but either way, I pissed Integra off. Just remember: No moon is bad and NEVER watch Hypno's lullaby. See you next episode." I said, winking and flashing a peace sign near my eye.


	9. Chapter 7: Snow Woman Plus Truth

It was an outstanding day for the Newspaper club, we were selling newspaper like napalm grenades! … I mean, um... Hot cakes! "Get your own copy of the Yokai Gazette!" Moka said, holding out papers.

"This issue's hot off the presses, people!" Kurumu announced.

"Wait 'til you take a peek at what's inside." Yukari said, holding them out.

"Hey, I'll take one." One guy said.

"Pass one over here, too!" A girl called out.

"They've even got strategies for the final exams." Another guy read.

"Wow, the new issue sure is sellin' like hot cakes, huh?" Gin asked as we stood behind the stand... Well, they stood, I was relaxing in a chair.

"Yeah, it's great after all the work we put into it." Tsukune agreed.

"I told you it was a good idea to have the girls hand out the papers." I said, raising a hand as if to say "I told you so", with my feet on the table.

"I'm amazed there haven't been any perverted comments yet." Damion said.

"You know, I'm also amazed you guys forgave me after what happened." Gin said.

"I'm amazed, too." I said with a sigh.

"Gonna get over it?" He asked, getting a simultaneous response from me and Damion.

Sai: "Fuck no!"

Damion: "SCREW YOU."

"We did it, we really did it, we got rid of all of 'em!" Yukari cheered, holding up the empty box.

"Well, looks like this issue was another big hit for us!" Kurumu said happily.

"Looks like this issue of the paper was another big hit for us." Kurumu said, wiping sweat off of her forehead.

"Hey, guys! What do you say we throw ourselves a big rap party for once, we can all bring some snacks!" Moka said happily.

"Hell yeah!" I said, now wearing a wife-beater (or, if you prefer, tank top), a bunch of chain necklaces, sunglasses and a bandana, holding a microphone.

"Alright!" Damion said, holding a stereo on his shoulder.

"That's a great idea." Tsukune said.

"Sounds like a good plan to me!" Yukari said, raising her hands in the air. She seems to enjoy doing that.

"Wait, hold on, has anyone seen Gin?" Moka said.

"Strange, he was here just a second ago." Tsukune wondered, pointing to where he was.

"Damn, even after Sai blew up the moon, he's still faster than the eye can see." Damion said.

"Are you still on about that?" I asked. Seriously, I don't see what the problem is. The moon came back, so what's the big deal if I blew it up?

"Whatever. He's probably out hitting on girls again, don't you think?" Kurumu said.

Not too far away...

"Right? That article is pretty interesting." He said with a small laugh. He was walking with two girls and it looked like he was rubbing the ass of the girl closest to him. "The Newspaper club is looking for sexy models for a photo shoot. I can get you an audition!" He said.

"Wow, she was dead on the money, whee-hee!" Kou said.

Damion ran up and slammed Gin's head into the ground.

"It's okay, I got him." I said, pressing the retract button on the leash handle I had which retracted the cord and dragged Gin back across the ground.

"Forget about him, he's not invited." Kurumu said with her hands on her hips.

"Wait, what are we talking about?" Gin asked.

"A rap party for the club you're apparently not invited to." I said.

"Yeah, you jerk, you're the enemy of all women!" Yukari said angrily.

"More importantly, what should we do for the party?" Kurumu asked.

"I thought it was a rap party. Where we rap." I said.

"We should buy some snacks at the campus store!" Moka said.

"Yeah, we should get some drinks, too, right?" Yukari asked.

"I got the booze!" I said, holding up a bottle of Dr. McGillicuddy (my favorite) and Jack Daniels.

"Hell yeah!" Damion said, holding up a 12 pack of Bud Light.

"Um... Guys? No alcohol." Tsukune said.

"Tsukune...STOP BEING SUCH A LITTLE BITCH!" Damion shouted, punching him in the face to knock him out.

"Alright, then it's a plan! After class, we'll meet up at the Newspaper club with the snacks." Kurumu said. "Do you guys wanna play some games while we're there?" She asked.

Suddenly, I got a strange feeling. "I sense a disturbance in the force." I said, then turned around to see a girl with purple hair, purple and pink striped leggings, a strap on her left thigh going up her skirt, a white sweater with blue arms with a belly pocket and a cute pendant around her necklace.

She pulled a lollipop out of her mouth and spoke. "You guys are all buddy-buddy, aren't you? You Newspaper clubbers." She asked. The rest of them turned around and noticed her. "Bet you all like each other. Truly, I've never understood that way of thinking." She said.

"Correction. I don't like her. Or him." I said, pointing to Kurumu and Tsukune. "As for not understanding friendship, it's not that hard. You guys talk to people who you enjoy the company of." I said

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean, huh?" Kurumu demanded, glaring at the girl, then glaring at me, growling.

"I could go for a Blooming onion right now." I said, holding my stomach (For those of you that don't know, I think it's mostly a Vermont thing. It's a bunch of onion half-rings shaped into a crown or flower).

The girl put the lollipop back in her mouth and spoke again. "Newspaper." She said. They all looked confused until she held her hand out. "Can I have one?" She asked.

"Oh, yeah, sure. It may be a little wrinkled, though." Damion said, pulling the paper out of Tsukune's pocket, then handing it to her. She took it, then got a little closer to his face. "So, you're the famous Damion, huh? You're a lot cuter than I thought you'd be, you know." She said happily.

"He has his scary moments." I said, before being taken off my feet by a knife thrown into my head.

"Ignore him." Damion said.

"Well, see ya later." She said, walking off.

"I think she likes you, man." I said, shaking him jokingly.

"Seems like it." He said, yanking the knife out of my head.

"Who was that girl, do you know her?" Moka asked either of us.

"Nuh-uh." I said.

"Never seen her before in my life." Damion said.

"Whoever she is, I don't like her." Kurumu said.

"Yeah, tell me about it, ugh." Yukari said in a creeped out tone.

"You guys are WAY too judgmental." I said.

"Anyway, let's just suffer through class to have the best party EVER that none of us will remember." Damion said, raising a bottle of Vodka, to which we all cheered.

Later in class...

"Kurumu?" Ms. Nekonome asked.

"Here." She replied.

"Mr. Sato?"

"Present."

"Ms. Shirayuki?"

There was no answer this time.

"Ms. Shirayuki?" Ms. Nekonome asked again. And again, there was nothing. "Well, I guess she must be out again today." She said, sadly.

Suddenly, the door opened and the girl from before walked in and took a seat in front of Tsukune. "I'm thrilled you decided to join us today!" Ms. Nekonome said happily, to which the girl simply nodded. "Moving on, then. Since we have a new student here, I guess introductions are in order. This is Mizore Shirayuki. Extenuating circumstances have prevented her from taking class up until now. But everyone please be nice and treat her like a friend." She said happily. Moka and Tsukune then panicked like bithces once again.

"That's not being nice and treating her like a friend. What are you even freaking out for, anyway?" Damion asked.

"Oi, Saizou. What the hell are extenuating circumstances?" I asked.

"Either she's done somethin' real bad and they're waiting to try her on it, or she's been refusing to come to class until now." He explained.

"Sounds fun." I said.

Later, in the hallway...

"Alright, we'll buy snacks and head to the party." Moka said.

Kurumu walked up and pressed her boobs into my chest. "Hey, guess what, I have a homemade treat with your name written all over it." She said, rubbing her boobs into my chest.

"Hey, hold on! Don't you think you're getting a little close, there?" Moka said, pulling Kurumu away.

"Hey, oh come on! Hold on!" She said as she was pulled away.

"What should we do?" I asked Damion.

Suddenly, we both saw someone behind us. "Who's there?" Damion asked.

Mizore popped out from the corner at that moment. "Hello." She said.

"Oh, hey, Mizore, right? You need something?" Damion asked.

"Hey, Damion, maybe she could be your date to the party." I said, nudging him slyly, until he stabbed me again.

She walked up and held out the paper from before. "I read your paper. As usual, your articles are the most entertaining." She said.

"Mine? Yeah, I know, I like to talk about arson a lot." I said, proud of myself for actually getting my arson articles approved.

"No, sorry, I meant Damion's." She said.

"You're familiar with my work?" He asked.

She then reached into her pocket and held out a book with a...

"That looks like the Kingdom Hearts symbol on the front." I said, holding out my Keyblade (it kinda looks like Oblivion, but more fire oriented and flame designed) , pointing it at the book, seeing if it would reveal the keyhole. It didn't.

She handed it to Damion, then explained. "Even when I wasn't in school, Ms. Nekonome always brought over an issue of the Yokai Gazette for me to read." She said.

"That's nice of her." I said.

"Out of all the articles, the only ones I really find interesting are yours." She told Damion.

"Why doesn't anyone like my arson articles?" I said, disappointed, hanging my head low with anime depression above my head (like in Soul Eater when Black Star and Tsubaki asked Maka and Soul how their kishin hunting was going in episode 2... Or actually like what Tsukune did when HE was looking at the book).

"I scribbled in a bunch of my own comments and ideas." She said. "It's just that I like all the articles you write. You're always writing from the point of view from the lonely and depressed, so I can really relate." She said.

"What about me? I write things from the funny, badass point of view and talk about lighting things on fire! What could be cooler than that?!" I asked.

"Your personality and the way you think about things is a lot like me and the way I think." She said, leaning into him. "You must be lonely and a lot like me, huh? Trust me, I know exactly what that's like." She said.

"... Am I being ignored?" I asked.

Later in the faculty room...

Ms. Nekonome appeared to be writing something when the gym teacher came over. "Ms. Nekonome." He said.

"Yes, hello, there!" She said, happily.

"Are you aware there's a girl in your class who's been refusing to attend class?" He asked. "I think her name is Mizore Shirayuki. I just got word that she showed up for the first time." He said.

"Oh, yes Mr. Kotsubo, that's right." She said happily.

"If I were you, I'd be very careful with that one," He warned, to which she meowed to signal she didn't understand, "She hasn't attended a single class since she enrolled, it's only prudent to assume she's been dealing with a very serious issue." He said.

Then, the math teacher, Ms. Ririko (or as Damion calls her, Ms. Bitchyko) walked up. "On top of that, her school records indicate that along with having a very unusual personality, she caused quite a few problems in Junior High." She said.

"In other words, to ensure she doesn't cause a bad influence for the other students, we wanna make sure that you keep an eye on her and keep her on a short leash at all times." He said.

"Yeah, I'll keep an eye out." Ms. Nekonome deadpanned, not wanting to have to do stuff.

Later, at the pond...

Mizore threw a rock that skipped 9 times. "Hey, did you see that, Damion? That last one skipped 9 times!" She said excitedly, pointing.

"Yeah, good job." Damion said.

"Why am I here?" I asked, putting a finger on my chin in confusion.

"Hey, Mizore, would you like to come to a party with us? We're almost running late for a rap party we're having with our club, but you're more than invited to come." Damion said.

"Yeah, it's gonna be fun." I said imagining how the night would go...

We'd party for the longest time, then everything would black out. Then in the morning, there'd be dead bodies of the other students everywhere and I'd pop up with a bottle of Jack from nowhere with sunglasses and a party hat on. "I'm SO WASTED." I slurred...

"Good times!" I said.

"Um... Okay. You don't just want to see the others, do you?" She asked.

"The only reason I ever show up to a party is to eat the good food and get wasted with a VERY select group of my friends." I said, remembering the last party I went to at Gallows Manor.

I was in a food eating contest against Black Star and Soul, kicking their asses to the point I was taking some of Black Star's food and still winning, then Crona, Maka, Liz and I got so drunk we were doing Karaoke and fell off the stage, crashing onto dinner tables. "I'm SO WASTED." I said, then passed out.

"Those were the days." I said, nodding happily.

"Actually, I do it for the same reason." Damion said.

So we did. We went to the party, explained why Mizore was there, started eating and drinking, I started doing great songs by Eminem (Cold Wind Blows, Til I collapse and Talkin' 2 Myself) with Damion singing back-up, or the parts where Em doesn't sing, until I passed out and fell face-down and Damion fell back and passed out. "I'm SO WASTED." I said, before passing out (I think I just skipped 70% of this episode).

I woke up the next morning and, seeing Kurumu passed out on the couch, still LONG from waking up, I did one of my favorite-to-do-to-someone-else/least-favorite-to-have-happen-to-me drunk pranks, The Coffin, which you take another couch, put it on top of the other one in a way to basically entomb them, they wake up and freak the fuck out. Then I started drawing a bunch of inappropriate stuff all over Tsukune's face as Damion woke up and put Tsukune's hand in a bucket of warm water. I then noticed something, though. The only unconscious body I didn't see was Mizore's. "Hey, where did Mizore go?" I asked.

Later at the track...

Gym class was over for the day and two girls were walking back to their dorms as they passed Ms. Kotsubo. "Hey, Mr. Kotsubo. See you later." The first one said.

"Have an awesome day." the other one said as they continued walking.

"Thanks. Be careful on the way home, girls." He said, then stared at their asses as they walked away. "Dammit, I'll tell you what, students these days develop way too freaking fast." He said, walking into the woods. He then noticed Mizore, who was just barely waking up from her drunken stupor. "Hey, you, what are you doin' out here?" He asked. She then turned a little to face him. "Oh, it's you." He said.

Later...

I was laying on the ground on fire, trying to wake myself up from the hangover, Damion was in a corner, hitting his head up against the wall, Mizore just barely woke up and freaked out about the coffin, Moka just barely got up, along with Tsukune and Yukari, not having been drunk, but did overexert herself, noticed the profanity I drew on his face and broke out laughing, as did everyone else. Suddenly, we heard a big commotion from outside.

"I wonder what all the racket is about out there." Yukari wondered, walking over to the door and opening it.

Just as she did, Ms. Nekonome came running by. "Oh, thank goodness. You guys are still here." She said.

"Yeah, what's going on?" Moka asked.

"What's the matter, did something happen?" Tsukune asked, which drew Ms. Nekonome's attention, to which she laughed for a little bit, before remembering her situation.

"Yes, your classmater Mizore has gone and gotten herself into a lot of trouble." She explained.

Later, in the infirmary...

"Mizore did this? She went and froze Mr. Kotsubo?" Moka asked, looking at Mr. Kotsubo, who was laying in a hospital bed, covered in bandages.

"If all she did was freeze him, I see no need for the bandages. Get this motherfucka some more blankets." I said.

"I'm afraid she did. He was discovered right away, so his life isn't in danger or anything." Ms. Nekonome said.

"Never underestimate hypothermia." I said darkly.

"That doesn't make sense. She wouldn't just do something like that, do you have any proof she did this?" Damion asked.

"Proof? Who needs proof? When we found him, Mr. Kotsubo himself told us Mizore was the one who did it." Ms. Ririko said.

That caught my ear. "Hold on, what?! 'Who needs proof'? Everyone! You can't have a court case and just say 'they did it'. That's no way in hell a fair trial. You need evidence like the shit they had on OJ for something like this. You can't just say she did it without any proof. That's called an unlawful accusation." I said.

"How the hell do you know that?" Damion asked. "That seems WAY too ellaborate for you. It's like how Kurumu makes sense when she's supposed to be a total blonde." Damion said.

"Oh, well, you see, two of my older sisters that never leave me alone are lawyers who always tell their stories about lawsuits and stuff they won. That's why I HATE Thanksgiving." I said.

"She was a problem child from the get-go. We really should've expelled her from school A LOT sooner." She said.

"Did you not listen to anything I just said? That's like saying any shady looking person on the corner in New York has a gun." I said

"And also, she-" Ms. Nekonome said, then dropped down, dismissing it.

"Sheeeee?" I said, stretching out the word and wheeling my arm, something I do as a nice way of saying "SPIT IT THE FUCK OUT!".

"What about Mizore, where is she?" Moka asked.

"For now, the entire faculty is out combing the grounds for her. And of course, once we find her, there's no doubt in my mind she'll be expelled at once." Ms. Ririko said.

"It just doesn't make sense? Why would she go and do that to Mr. Kotsubo of all people?" Moka asked.

"We need VALID, IRREFUTABLE proof that she did this. Just like what Death Battle DOESN'T have as to how they get some of their QUESTIONABLE outcomes." I said.

Suddenly, the door opened and Gin walked in. "Hey, I couldn't help overhearing what you were just saying. I happen to have valid, irrefutable proof she did it IN SELF DEFENSE." Gin said, holding up his camera. "I got some snapshots for an awesome new scoop." He said.

"Snapshots for..." Moka started.

"An awesome new scoop?" Kurumu and Yukari asked.

"Yeah, gather 'round." He said, pulling out the pictures he must've taken. Damion and I walked up and took the pictures, that revealed Kotsubo trying to molest Mizore. Damion started trembling in rage, but then he put his hand on Gin's shoulder, surprising everyone.

"Gin. Thank you, I was wrong. You're not so bad after all." He said.

"Thanks, man. I appreciate it." Gin replied.

"Good boy, Gin. You want a biscuit, boy? You want a biscuit?" I said, pulling out a biscuit, to which he turned into his monster form and begged for. "Have a biscuit!" I said, tossing it to him, which he happily ate.

Damion wheeled around at that moment, glaring in rage at what WOULD'VE been Kotsubo lying in bed, wounded and defenseless, but instead was only an empty bed. "He's gone." He said.

"I have a pretty good idea where he's going." I said uneasily.

It hit Damion just at that moment. "We need to go, NOW!" He said, bolting out about as fast as Gin could move.

"Gin. I need you to help me, man. I still have a hangover, I need you to carry me there." I said.

"Got it." He said, grabbing me and running, the others close behind.

Meanwhile, at a cliff...

Mizore was looking out at the sea, wondering what she should do, when suddenly, Kotsubo's tentacles came over and reached for her. "They know my secret now, Shirayuki! So you must die!" He said, trying to grab her with the tentacles.

"Gin, use quick attack!" I said.

He dropped me next to Damion and started rushing, surrounded by the aura of light that comes with a Quick Attack. "Ginei, Ginei, Ginei, Ginei-Ginei-Ginei-Ginei GINEI!" He shouted, ramming into Kotsubo, almost sending him back off the cliff.

Damion quickly grabbed Mizore and jumped back to a safe distance. "Are you okay?" He asked worriedly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you. All of you." She said, looking at Damion, then me, then Gin, then the girls (Tsukune included XD).

"Sai! It's time." Damion said.

"Right. Soul Eater rip-off, comin' up." I said, becoming a flash of light, which Damion then caught and swung around stylishly, then took a stance as the light faded to reveal a badass black katana with a blade as big as Damion with a red fire design on the blade.

"Whoa, what the hell?!" Tsukune freaked out again.

"_Just... Don't... Talk."_ I told him.

"Yeah, Tsukune, shut your mouth, or I'll shut it for you." Damion snapped.

"_Damion, you can see his soul, right?" _I asked.

"Yes. It's a kishin egg. More disgusting than usual." He said.

"_In that case, let's end him. And we'll have to be sure it's PAINFUL." _I said.

Damion then smirked. "Right." He said.

He rushed in, faster than the eye could trace and with a swift motion, expertly and effortlessly sliced off one of his tentacles with a clean blow. _"Ugh. Even his blood on my blade feels disgusting. I'm 'onna need a shower after this." _I said.

"Then let's wrap it up quick." Damion said, rushing and cutting off the rest of the tentacles.

"ARGH! You little bastards! I'm gonna gut you, Damion! Then I'm gonna break that shiny blade of yours in half, Sai!" Kotsubo screamed.

"_Won't happen. My brother used me to cut through a lava monster an I was fine plus I've blocked a punch from Asura in this form. I doubt you're that strong." _I said.

"DIE!" He said, rushing in.

"You ready for this?" He asked, looking at me.

"_Just waiting on you." _I said.

"Cheeky bastard. Let's do this." He said, taking a stance.

"_**Let's go, SOUL RESONANCE!" **_We both announced, powering up. We gave off a massive aura that shook the whole area, raising rocks and even a few trees off of the ground as Damion prepared to strike and my blade became massive: 15 feet long, full of the power to destroy evil.

"**KISHIN HUNTER!"** Damion announced, rushing in and completely slicing Kotsubo in half. "It's over." He said, then took a "Nin" stance, before slicing Kotsubo up, literally into sushi rolls. "Goodbye." He said, tossing me up into the air where Kotsubo's soul was.

I returned to human form and ate it happily, becoming even more powerful. "I can just FEEL the power surging through me! That was my 99th soul. This close. Now all I need is the soul of a wi-" I said, before remembering Yukari was there. "WICKED dictator, killing his people." I lied.

"Good cover." Damion said.

Later...

"Well, that was certainly a fight to remember." Gin said.

"Yeah, thanks to all of you, it looks like Mizore's gonna get off without being expelled." Ms. Nekonome said.

"She's gonna get off?" I asked, thinking she meant the sexual meaning.

"Sai..." Damion said in a warning tone.

She then suddenly entered the room when we all noticed something. "Hey, your hair is different." Moka said.

"I decided to shorten it. Does it look okay?" She asked.

"It looks beautiful." Damion said, almost awestruck.

"Yeah, it's the same length as Damion's now." I said, pointing at him.

"I think it looks super duper good on you!" Ms. Nekonome said energetically.

"It feels cheesy to say, but I feel like I've been reborn. So I thought maybe I'd start with a brand-new hairdo." She said.

"Yeah, it looks awesome, it makes you look really photogenic." Gin said, holding up a camera. "Let's get a shot of you right now." He said, taking a picture.

Damion grabbed the camera and crushed it. "Gin. You're on my good side now, don't push it." He said.

"Yeah, that's right, nice going on those pictures, Gin. I don't know how you managed to get 'em." Tsukune said.

"Yeah, way to go. Those photos were a big help, without them we couldn't have proven Mizore's innocence." Moka said.

As he started laughing triumphantly, one thing popped into my mind. "One thing, though. If you were there, why didn't you just save Mizore in the first place?" I asked him.

"... Dammit, Hindsight." He said dropping his head and scratching it.


	10. Chapter 8: Math Plus Memes

Once again, at the worst Academy EVER, the students were walking to school when all the guys turned around to see someone. We see it is a female, as the perv-cam is focused on her boobs, which, like Kurumu's, had a bouncing sound, except hers was a lot different from Kurumu's. All the guys were blushing and frozen in awe, then the perv-cam zooms in on her ass, which, from the sound of it, was scraping against the back of her skirt. We look to three lame guys in particular, the one in front looking like he was dehydrated, the one on the left had his hands above his head like either a monkey or he was having a tantrum and the guy to the right was drooling. Lastly, we zoom to her lips, blood red with lipstick and either a mole or beauty mark on her chin.

"Whoa, who the hell is that?" One guy said in awe.

"The hot math teacher, Ririko Kagome." Another guy said.

"I've never seen her." The first guys said.

"She was in the last episode, dude!" Another guy said.

"Hold it, pal, that kinda commentary is MY job, whee!" Kou said.

"I wanna learn math on her." Another perv said in a trying-to-be-smooth tone.

"Yeah, so would I!" Another one said.

Ugh. Another perv moment… What's wrong with you, Funimation? Anyway, a heavy wind began to blow, flipping Ririko's skirt in the process, which I know realized was split, so the front and back weren't connected. This obviously revealed her dark pink panties in the process. "Ah! Oh, no! Pi R squared!" She shouted in what I'm guessing was shock and embarrassment. The pervs then passed out with a nosebleed after that. We look to Ms. Ririko's face to see her at first with her eyes clenched shut, blushing. Then she looks up a little with her eyes still closed and giggled.

We now go to the classroom where Ms. Ririko is teaching math. "Right! Now let's take our formula for the area of a circle and use it to derive the surface area for this cone on the board, 'kay?" She asked, pointing to the cone on the board.

"Kay." We all said.

We now focus in on nobody's favorite dumbass, Tsukune Aono, who clearly has NO IDEA IN HELL what he is doing, his eyeballs strangely pulsing. (Uh… I can't get it. I don't understand how to do this kind of math at all!) He thought, looking at his paper in fear.

Now, Ms. Ririko decided to call on someone to volunteer to answer the question. "Now, can we get an answer from…? Mr. Aono!" She said.

"Well, I certainly hope SOMEONE picks up that phone." I said.

"What?" Damion and Saizou both asked.

"Because I fucking CALLED IT!" I said in a sing-song tone at the end, then looked at Tsukune. (Oh, my god! Oh, my god! This is going to be hilarious. Aaaand RECORD.) I thought, pulling out my video cam and recording. "Um… Yes, Ma'am?" He said nervously, standing.

"Tell us how to do it! Solve this problem." She said.

"Get ready to be disappointed." I said.

"Um… Uh…" He started. "I don't know how." He said, looking down at his desk.

"Dumbass." Damion said.

Saizou was the first to lean back and start laughing, followed by the rest of us except Moka. "What an idiot!" One of the guys shouted, who I high fived. We now get a view right up to Tsukune's face, showing him with giant bug eyes and looking absolutely shocked.

"What, did you expect to sound smart? Keep dreaming, Aono." I said. (And the Emmy goes to…) I thought, putting the video cam away.

"Tsukune?" Kurumu and Moka asked.

Suddenly, Ms. Ririko was in front of him with her finger in his face. "Bad boy, Tsukune, you're supposed to listen to your teacher. Zone out again… And I'll give you a spanking." She said, waving her finger.

"What the fuck?" Damion said.

(Is EVERY teacher here a goddamn pedo?! Even the women?!) I asked in my head. It's disappointing when even the females, who are supposed to be more professional, are total pedos.

"We're getting close to finals, you know. You need to focus on those." She explained to him. But guess what? He wasn't focusing on what she was saying, I don't know why, but the whole time she was talking, the screen, which was first person for Tsukune, was sideways but slowly went from her face down to, guess where? Her boobs.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me." I deadpanned.

"He's staring at her tits while she's scolding him in front of the entire class, isn't he?" Damion asked, to which I nodded.

Finally, the dumbass zoned back in, throwing his head back and scratching it vigorously. "Oh, no! Crap, I forgot all about finals! And if this keeps up at the rate I'm going, I'm gonna get an 'F' and flunk out!" He shouted in panic, practically sobbing at the end.

"How do you forget about finals?! That's like make or break stuff!" Damion said.

"Tsukune…" I said, standing up and doing the Vulcan Neck Pinch on him, causing him to pass out and drop back down in his chair. "CALM. YO' DUMB. ASS. DOWN!" I said, taking my seat again.

Later, on the roof…

"So, you want the three of us to tutor you in math on top of always having to save your dumb ass?" Damion asked.

"Fuck that. I never even study on my own, why would I help you?" I asked, until Moka pulled out the knife again. "I could be persuaded." I said.

"Exactly! It's taking all my energy just to get used to the school! And along with that, with all these crazy mix-ups I keep getting dragged into, I've been way too distracted to study!" Tsukune explained.

"You should be used to this shit by now. Honestly, it isn't that hard to get used to. The rest of us are perfectly situated by now. As for the mix-ups, they barely happen. It's not our fault you don't study at all." Damion said.

"Exactly. People need to take responsibility for their own actions." I said.

"Come on, guys. Aren't you being a little harsh?" Moka asked.

"Hey, I'll help you study, too!" Kurumu said, Coming from nowhere.

"I don't think you'd be much help in that department, Kurumu." Damion said.

Then, from nowhere, Kurumu was taken down by a broom with Yukari attached to it. "No! Don't listen to her! If you need a math study-buddy, I know everything, Tsukune! Things like the cylindrical shell method and such as PV equal MRT! The final's coming up soon and you need help in math, so come on, what do you say?" Yukari said, probably eager to brag and show off her knowledge again.

"You DO realize we haven't learned half the stuff you're talking about in class, right?" I asked.

Suddenly, the door Kurumu left slung way open closed to reveal everyone's favorite stalker…. Jeez, it sounded really weird to say that. Oh, well, everyone's favorite stalker, Mizore. "Speaking of math…" She said, surprising everyone, Kurumu and Yukari hugging each other tightly in fear and me to cling to Damion until he pushed me off again. "I'm in the same boat because I missed a lot of school, so is it okay if I study with you guys too?" She asked. We all nodded.

"This is certainly going to be an… Interesting study session." I said.

"I find study groups work the best." Damion agreed.

"Yeah, all of us studying together is a great idea!" Moka said happily. "Well, should we get out of here and start hitting the books?" She asked.

"Yeah!" Everyone shouted, fist pumping, except Mizore, show just raised her hand a little and stayed silent. Damion and I didn't either, but we did nod and say "yeah".

Later in… Somewhere…

Yukari was at the board pointing to a lot of stuff written on the board with some pictures of scales, but I couldn't read the writing as A: it's in Japanese and B: It's too small. "And this is a derivative: a measure of…" She rambled on, saying things impossible to type down correctly. Meanwhile, Kurumu's eyes were spinning spirals as if she was really dizzy and Mizore was repeatedly writing Damion's name in her notebook Damion was only pretending to listen and I painted over my eyelids to make it look like I was awake, but I had actually fallen asleep. "It allows us to input a line of plain tangents that function at that point." She continued, from there it sounded like she was choked up on something.

(Jesus, I never learned any of the crap she was talking about when I was learning THIS EXACT TOPIC). I thought.

"So, all these tangents and integrals? How are they any different from addition and subtraction?" Mizore asked, shocking Yukari.

"That's… Not a bad question." I said.

Meanwhile, Tsukune was focusing only on Moka's notes. "Wow, you must take the most thorough notes in the world, Moka," He said, looking at it. "It's easy to follow, you're handwriting is great and everything's organized by topic, too." He said.

"Suck-up." I said, looking at him (with my eyes still closed). I do have to admit, they sound better than my notes, which literally ONLY say the basic idea. They are in order of topic, though.

"Stop, you're embarrassing me." She said, blushing. "If you'd like, I'd be more than happy to copy a set by hand for you." She offered.

"Thanks. That's so incredibly kind of you, Moka. But making a photocopy would be easier. Wait, I forgot, the school probably doesn't have anything useful like that." He said.

"How stupid do you have to be to make an idea, then shoot it down like that? Let someone else shoot down your ideas instead of shooting YOUR OWN ideas down yourself." I said.

"Oh, I don't mind, you're my friend! Anything for you!" She said.

"Moka…"

"Tsukune…"

"Moka…"

"Tsukune…"

Mok-ack!" Tsukune started, but was cut off when I put him in a sleeper hold.

Later, in the student mail room or something like that…

"Man, it's been a long time since I've studied for a test this hard. I'm beat." Tsukune said, stretching.

"No wonder you always fail. We didn't even study that hard." Damion said.

"And how can you be tired from studying for a MATH exam? If it were a gym exam or something, I'd understand, but not a math exam." I said.

"It was worth it if you learned something." Moka said.

"Oh, Mr. Aono. Sai and Damion, too." Ms. Ririko said, showing up from nowhere.

"Why do people randomly pop up from nowhere?" I asked.

"Why are you here so late? A club or something?" She asked mostly Tsukune.

"Um… No. Moka, the guys and I were just finishing up a study session." He answered.

"Along with Kurumu, Yukari and Mizore." Damion added.

"And don't call us 'the guys'. That's a term of endearment for guys you are friends with and hang out a lot with. We're not your friends and we never WANT to hang out with you. You just never leave us alone." I said.

"A study session?" She asked, then got a sly look on her face. "Well, that's not good, I'm sorry to hear it." She said.

"What 'chu talkin' 'bout, teacher?" I demanded, crossing my arms.

"Well, it is good that you're putting in some effort, but when students get together, they spend more time goofing off than studying the material." She explained.

"Sai Blade does not- Ooh, shiny." I began to protest, then went after the shiny object I saw.

"Do you KNOW Yukari? She' was teaching us stuff you haven't even STARTED talking about in class yet." Damion said.

"We didn't goof off." Tsukune said.

"We really studied." Moka agreed.

"More than one should EVER have to for a test like this." I said, walking back after putting the quarter in my pocket.

"I doubt it." Ms. Ririko said arrogantly, pissing me off. "You're just a student, Ms. Akashiya, you're NOT a teacher." She continued.

"Actually, the two of them only looked at each other's notes; Yukari was the one teaching the material. EXCESSIVELY THOROGHLY." I said.

"Well, even if you are all good at schoolwork, teaching is something best left to the professionals." She said.

"You mean someone who ISN'T you?" I challenged. I wouldn't exactly call threatening to spank students and constantly moving in ways that reveals your body to be professional.

She glared at me, but then cupped Tsukune's face and put it between her boobs. "What the hell?!" Damion and I both said at the same time.

"And that's why, tomorrow after class, you three will meet me in the tutoring room." She said, shocking everyone. "You'll never forget the lessons I teach you. I'm looking forward to them. I. Can't. Wait." She said, tapping her finger on Tsukune's face as she said I can't wait.

"I'll bet you can't." Tsukune said in fear.

"FUCK. THAT." I said, walking off.

"Hell no." Damion said, also walking off.

The next day…

Tsukune sighed, knowing he'd have to go to be tutored. "Well, I guess I'd better get goin', guys." He said.

"Why not just not go? There have been countless times when I've had to go to tutoring, therapy or detention and I didn't." I said, shrugging.

"No wonder there's so much wrong with you." Damion said.

"You've got 10 seconds to rephrase that." I said.

"To get tutored by Ms. Ririko, huh?" Kurumu asked. "I did talk to some older students who took math from her before. They said that she's so crazy about teaching that she goes overboard with it." She said.

"For some reason, I'm not surprised." I said, putting Damion in an arm lock before getting thrown into a wall.

"Yeah, bitch is crazy." Damion said, throwing a desk at me, which I burnt to a crisp.

"Yeah, anything else?" Tsukune asked.

"Well, there are two more problems. They just make so angry." She said, grabbing her boobs. "The boys won't stop staring at her tits!" She shouted, raising a fist into the air.

"R-really?" Moka asked, looking down at hers.

"Aw, are you jealous that your own huge honkers aren't as massive as hers? You're acting like a child, Kurumu." Yukari said, teasingly.

"Oh, Kurumu, you would HATE to be in the world of Queen's Blade. Every girl in that show has AT LEAST a D cup and there's even one woman who has boobs as big as the blade of a giant battle axe." I said, getting Damion in a bear hug and setting myself on fire.

"Well, actually, Yukari…" Kurumu said, kneeling down to Yukari's height and patting her non-existent chest. "The only child here is you! And the proof is your flat as a pancake chest!" She said.

Yukari growled, then groped Kurumu. "I'd rather have mine than your big, fat balloons!" She snapped.

"Mine are big, but what makes them really nice is how squeezable they are, unlike yours." Kurumu said, shocking Yukari.

She let go, then pushed on hers. "You're so superficial. Guys prefer mine because they offer quality over quantity and they're all wrapped up in a cute little package." She said confidently.

"Yeah, they're still flat as a board." She said.

Mizore watched this, then looked at her own, blushing. "Yours are perfect, babe. Don't worry." Damion said, choking me out.

"Hey, come on. Why don't all of you just knock it off already?" Tsukune said passively.

"Shut up, you little bitch! A passive waste of space like you can't appreciate a good fight! The flow of testosterone, the thrill of the battle itself, the edge and excitement of winning and the challenge of pain and getting hurt that must be overcome!" I said, rolling, causing Damion to lose his grip as we both went to the floor on our backs and I elbowed him in the ribs before rolling again and getting up.

We glared at each other, than nodded, calling it a draw. "And the respect you either gain or give to your opponent and the mutual satisfaction of a draw. Everything it means to be a man." Damion said as we shook hands.

"Hey, Tsukune. I know you're not looking forward to this tutoring, but it's still better than having to take make-up classes." Moka said supportively.

"Yeah, no one wants to sit in a hot school building in summer when you're supposed to be out having fun." I said.

"Yeah, that's the best part of the year. All the freedom and everything." Damion said.

"Moka's right! If you get a 50 or less in your final exam then you flunk the subject and you have attentive make up classes before they let you out for summer break!" Yukari said.

"Wait!" Tsukune said. Everyone looked at him. "I'd almost forgotten about that." He said, sounding like he was sad, but then he stood up and cheered. "Yeah! It's summer break once finals are done!" He said happily, then had another of his annoying fantasies.

We were all at the beach, Kurumu was laying out, sunbathing. Yukari was on all fours, giggling. I don't know what she was doing, but the fact I noticed was that she was turned so her ass was closest to the camera.

"The hell?! How much of a pedo are you?" I asked.

Mizore was under an umbrella out of the sun, looking pissed, ice all around her. Lastly, Moka was back floating in the water, her hair way out.

"Let me stop you again, here. Has your dumb ass already forgotten that Moka can't go in the water because she's a vampire? She'd die, dumbass." I said, smacking him in the back of the head.

"Also, don't get too excited. There's still no guarantee you'll pass your finals and, knowing you…" Damion said, taking a break to inhale, "You won't." He said, smugly.

He got right in Moka's face and fist pumped. "I'm gonna do it, Moka! I'm gonna work hard and pass math! Then we can do something together for summer break, okay?" He said.

"Okay." She said.

"I'm GENUINELY surprised he's actually showing any form of determination." I said with a considerate nod.

"Yeah. I wonder how long it'll last, though." Damion _s_aid.

Later…

The girls got done with Gym and Moka was having a pleasant conversation with the other girls. "So, are you all ready for final exams?" She asked.

"All of them except math." One girl said.

Kurumu got in front of Yukari and put her hands together. "I'm not either, so please be my tutor." She pleaded.

"I'm gonna have to refuse." She said, giggling, only to be tied up with ropes from nowhere. "You can't take me hostage, no!" She protested.

"Tutor me in math and I'll let you go, I've just gotta pass that final!" She said.

She bumped into Tsukune, who was mumbling a bunch of complicated math, faster and more complex than I'm gonna bother to put down. "Wait, I've heard of that. He's reciting mathematic formulas from memory! They're advanced ones that we haven't even covered in class yet!" She said, shocked.

"Awesome! So that tutoring must really be paying off, huh? Teach me! You've got to so that I can pass in math!" She said, trying to tackle him, but then he walked off and she fell.

Later, we were hanging out with Moka as she was waiting for Tsukune. He rounded the corner, still reciting the formulas when we stopped him. "Morning, Tsukune!" She said, happily.

We listened for a little bit, thoroughly shocked. "Pretty impressive, Tsukune. You're not gonna catch me in that tutoring session, but that's pretty impressive." I said, then noticed something in his eyes. They were totally blank.

"Hey, zombie, can you hear us?" Damion said, waving in his face.

Suddenly, Ms. Ririko appeared from behind us out of nowhere. "What are you doing!?" She demanded, looking at Moka.

"Give us a warning next time, what the hell?!" Damion snapped.

"Yeah, only I get to do ninja stealth!" I said.

She then looked at us. "As for you two, I thought I told you to come to my tutoring lessons as well." She said.

"Well, you thought wrong." I said.

"Especially if you thought we'd actually show up." Damion said.

She then snagged the notebook from Moka and flipped through it. "Well, I see you're trying to undermined me, aren't you?" She said.

"I am!" I said, raising my hand, to which Damion fell over and laughed.

"And trying to seduce Mr. Aono with this drivel? How dare you!" She said.

"From the sound of it, you're trying to seduce him and the only drivel I've seen or heard is from you." I said in defense to Moka.

"I was just helping him study!" Moka said, before Bitchyko threw the notebook in her face and knocked her down.

"What the hell, bitch?!" Damion snapped, glaring at her, helping Moka up while I was trying to keep myself from going Super Saiyan.

"You have some nerve. It's obvious to me that Mr. Aono hasn't been able to focus because of you." She said, which shocked and offended Moka."

"To be honest, you're the only thing that's distracting here, running that annoying-ass mouth of yours and talking total bullshit!" I snapped.

She then glared at me and went to smack me in the face, but I easily caught her hand. "How dare you! I'll deal with you at another time." She said, yanking away and storming off.

"What a bitch. We're gonna have to kick her ass." Damion said.

Tsukune then started to follow after her. "Tsukune, what the hell, man?! Didn't you see what she just did, don't go with her!" I warned him, but he continued to walk off, leaving me incredibly suspicious.

A few days later…

"Okay, Damion. Bottom line, we need to do something. I don't know what the bitch is doing, but it's obvious it isn't good. We have to find out what it is and stop her if we don't want Moka to constantly be depressed and Tsukune to stop being a math zombie." I said.

"Right." He agreed.

Suddenly, we heard Tsukune scream from a long ways away. "Well, isn't that retardedly convenient?" I said as we rushed to where we heard the screams coming from. We rushed their after getting the wrong directions, but then the right ones. "Fucking John Peters! Take a right, my ass!" I said.

"Whatever. We're here now, let's get in." Damion said, grabbing the handle. Unbeknownst to us, however, Ms. Ririko placed a candle under the door handle so the sessions couldn't be interrupted, so when Damion grabbed it, it hurt his hand. "Ow! The door hurt me, Sai!" He said.

"Here, let me do it." I said, stepping up to the door and kicking it. "Nyeh. Nyeh. Nyeh." I said for each kick. It didn't work, so I kicked faster. "Nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh!" I said, kicking more. Still nothing….. "Nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh!" I said, repeatedly kicking the door as fast as I could.

(Okay, seriously, where the hell are those guys?!) Tsukune thought.

"NYEH!" Damion and I said together, kicking the door down and posing in a yoga lunge with our arms above our head and our hands bent.

"What are you two doing here?!" She demanded. She now had a snake for a lower body with a flower at the end of the tail.

"Oh, my gods, she's a Medusa!" I said.

"You mean a Gorgon and no, she's not." Damion said.

"She's a witch!" I corrected.

"She's a lamia." He said.

"Oh, whatever. I don't know what you're doing to Tsukune, but we're here to put a stop to it." I said.

"I am giving him educational guidance! You dare interfere!?" She demanded.

"Yes. We dare." Damion said, challengingly.

"Yeah. I think it's time we take YOU to school." I said, getting in a fighting stance.

"Then it's time for both of you to learn a lesson." She said, getting ready to fight.

"What's going on, here?" Mizore asked, popping in from an air vent.

"Mizore!" Damion said in a worried tone.

"What are you doing here?!" Ririko asked as she dropped down.

"Sounds like you've gotten all hot and bothered. Thought I should come here and cool you off." She said, pulling the lollipop out of her mouth and blowing ice cold air at Ririko.

"You truant slacker! I'm going to teach you a lesson you'll never forget!" She shouted, throwing candles at Mizore, trapping her with fire.

Damion shouted in rage and rushed in while I stayed back, trying to make sense of her form. Her tail was snaked through the various desks, so the end of the tail could come up at any moment, or she could just use enough of her tail to coil us, which we had to be ready for. She raised her tail for a surprise attack and slam Damion into a wall. From there I traced where her tail would be.

"Got it!" I said, rushing in, purposefully stomping on her tail each time I passed over it, causing her to scream in pain until I got to her face and decked her.

"How dare you attack me, you little bastard! I am your teacher, I deserve to be treated with the utmost respect!" She said, swinging her tail at me.

I easily dodged it and went for a kick to her face. "If you want my respect, then you have to EARN it!" I said, landing the kick when I said "earn".

"And frankly, you don't deserve any respect, you nerdy-ass, ugly slut!" Damion said, punching her in the face, knocking her to the ground.

"Huh. I just noticed, once you get around the tail, she just sits there." I said.

"Just finish her!" He snapped.

"Okay, jeez! Mr. Bossy. Let's rock, baby!" I said, pulling out Nevan, playing Smoke on the Water, sending bats, lightning and the fire from the candles at her. "Know your place!" I said, strumming a loud chord, shaking the whole room and blasting her back into the wall. "We learn anything today?" I asked in a smartass tone. (God, Dante's too much. And he's not even here.) I thought.

"Yes, sir and I appreciate the guidance that you've given me." She said.

"This episode's big showdown only took a mere 31 seconds, whee!" Kou said, flying off.

Suddenly, a strong freezing wind blew into the room, blowing out the fire from the candles and freezing Ririko. "What can I say; I just don't seem to know how to hold back." Mizore said, shrugging.

"That was COLD." I smirked, then she froze me…

Later…

"On the day of the math finals, Tsukune's stressing out again, whee!" Kou said.

It's true. Tsukune was staring at his paper with another freaked out look on his face. "Crap! I'm toast! All the knowledge Ms. Ririko pumped into me is completely gone now!" He said.

"That's why you can't really on the knowledge of anyone but yourself." I said, writing down the answers I knew and the ones that sounded right for the ones I can't remember (That's what I actually do).

"Unless they're teaching you the subject, but not if they're injecting it into your head." Damion said.

Later…

"So, how do you think you did on the finals?" Moka asked.

"I try to stay optimistic, but I don't get my hopes up until I see the grade." I said.

"I really don't care that much." Damion said.

"I'm not sure. I tried my best, but still…" Tsukune said.

"So in other words: Doomed to failure?" I said, to which Damion broke out laughing.

"Well, regardless to what grade I get, I still have no regrets." He said.

"Except losing Summer break." I said.

Later, when we got our papers back, to our surprise, the dumbass actually got an 89. "Good job, Tsukune. The problem child finally redeems himself." I said. "Not as much as me, though." I said, holding up my 97.

"Yeah, good job, Tsukune. Not as good as me, though." Damion said, holding up his 95.

"I did better." I smirked, then he tackled me and we began fighting again.

Mizore triumphantly held up her 56 while Kurumu was weeping over her 44. "Aw, crap, now I have to take make-up classes!" She cried.

"Too bad after all that tutoring I gave you." Yukari deadpanned, holding her 100. Mizore popped back up in front, still holding the 56, flashing a peace sign.


	11. Chapter 9: Reunions Plus Tragedy

I couldn't believe it. We were finally going back to the human world. Ms. Nekonome was apparently gonna take us on a field trip or something for the club and I couldn't wait. I called up everyone from DMC to tell them the good news and where to be, as well as my good friends from the DWMA, even Black Star and Tsubaki, so I could rub in their faces that I was almost a Death Scythe. Still, as excited as I thought I was, that didn't measure up to Tsukune's. We were waiting for the bus; Damion casually leaning against a tree, I was doing one handed push-ups and Tsukune was pacing back and forth, always looking at his watch.

"Relax, man. It's gonna be here." Damion said.

"Hey, you." Moka called out.

Damion pushed off the tree, I went into a one-handed handstand before bending my back to land on my feet and Tsukune finally looked up and stopped pacing. "Oh, hey, you're here!" He said happily. Then he looked at her cute dress. "Whoa, Moka…" He said, stunned.

"Guys, you're early, we weren't supposed to meet for another half hour." She said.

"Got a little antsy I guess." I said.

"I, uh…" Tsukune said, but was basically speechless. (Wow, Moka looks incredible in that outfit!) He thought.

(Such a perv.) I thought, hitting him in the back of the head.

"I must look kinda weird, huh?" She asked.

"NO WAY, YOU LOOK AMAZING!" He blurted out, getting right up in her face.

"Down, boy." Damion said, pulling him back. "you do look great, though, Moka." Damion said.

"Yeah, not bad at all." I said, then looked up at the sky. "Oh, look, birds!" I said, pointing up to a hawk and an eagle.

"I am a hawk!" The hawk announced.

"I am an eagle! We must bird kung-fu!" The eagle said as they flew towards each other, shouting, only to both be knocked out of the air by a Ho-oh flying by (Rosario Vampire abridged reference. DragonMasterAssociation)

"You guys really think I look good?" She asked.

"Yes, I totally do!" Tsukune said.

"Yeah." Damion said, still holding Tsukune back.

"Yep." I agreed.

"I will eat your soul!" The scarecrow said.

"So, what are you planning on doing when you get back?" Moka asked.

"Well, hanging out with my friends I called to tell them I'm coming back for a bit, maybe hunting down a witch and becoming a full-fledged Death Scythe." I said.

"Oh…" Moka said, sad that I'd have to kill a witch to become a Death Scythe. Unbeknownst to us, however, the rosary flashed at that moment. (A Death Scythe, huh? They're supposed to be S class, just like me. I'll have to test that if he succeeds in his little endeavor.) Inner Moka thought from within her Rosary.

"Hey, are you ignoring me?! I'm a talking scarecrow, come on, you guys!" The scarecrow said.

"I hate that scarecrow. He's messin' with me, Moka, I just know it." I said.

"I will grind your bones into dust!" He shouted.

Moka looked at it and waved her arms above her head. "Ungodly Shia!" Is what it sounded like she said, then launched a giant purple ball at him.

"What the fuck?!" He shouted before it blew him up (Another reference from the same channel).

"Why haven't you done THAT before?" I asked.

"I can't believe our summer break FINALLY starts today. I'm looking forward to it. It's gonna be fun." She said.

"Yeah, too bad we only get 6 weeks apparently. Damn you, Japan." I said (Kidding, I love Japan).

"Yeah, I never thought we'd be doing anything like this." Tsukune said.

Flashback…

"A club trip?!" He said, shocked.

"Isn't that what she JUST said?" Damion said dryly.

That's RIIIGHT! And I've decided that for this year's summer trip, the Newspaper club is gonna go to the Human world!" Ms. Nekonome said happily. This came as a shock to all 3 of the human world inhabitants (Damion, Tsukune and myself), but Tsukune flipped out about it.

"Are you positive this is a good idea?" He asked in his usual pussy-bitch tone.

"Of course, it'll be fine as long as I'm with you!" She said, now slightly weirded out. Then she giggled nervously. "I'm hoping." She said.

"Ha! So you're not sure!" Tsukune said, freaking out again.

Back to now…

"You know, I'm a bit nervous?" Moka said.

"How's 'zat?" I asked, tuning back in and looking at her.

"I told you, about how I left the human world after Junior High School." She said.

"Oh, here we go." I said, pulling out my Centura (my cellphone, a Samsung Centura. I just call it a Centura for short and because it's amazing), tuning out and listening to Pandora internet radio as Skillet's Comatose came on (I actually pulled out my phone and went to Pandora, that's the first song that came up). "Oh, HERE WE GO! I love this song!" I said, jamming out with Nevan.

"…And how I hated humans the entire time…" She said.

"RACIST~!" I said in sing-song, still jamming, both of which Damion laughed at.

"Yeah, that's right. Are you concerned about going?" Tsukune asked.

"Yes, to be honest, I'm still worried about it. I'm really afraid of what might happen." She said.

"We're probably not gonna run into many people there~. You can just enjoy the time without a care~." I told her to the rhythm of the song.

"Besides, we're not gonna go around revealing our monster identities to everyone. People probably won't care anyway. They'll just go on about their day and not worry about us." Damion said.

"And if they do I'll kill 'em dead~ Nobody will ever now without their heads~" I still sang.

Then she realized what she said and flipped out, waving her arms above her head. "Oh, but I'm sure I'll be fine as long as I'm with you, guys! I'm looking forward to it a lot more than I'm worried about it, truthfully!" She said. Then she leaned into Tsukune.

"Moka…" He said.

"I'm not worried; you'll protect me, won't you?" She asked.

Of course, the perv was looking at her boobs. "Moka…" He said, somewhat stunned.

"Tsukune…" She fawned, then the two leaned in to kiss.

"Oh, good! She's finally with him and off me!" I said cheerfully.

"You know, some vampires take more than one mate." Damion smirked.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." I said.

"Hold up!" Kurumu said as the two quickly separated.

"Hold on, you guys, wait for me!" Yukari said, rushing after Kurumu and Mizore. She caught up to them and got a pouty look on her face. "What do you two think you're doing, huh?!" She asked.

"Well, look who decided to come a bit prematurely!" Kurumu said.

"Can't leave 'em alone, can we?" Mizore said.

We all laughed a bit until we heard a bus horn. We all looked over to see the bus coming and Ms. Nekonome leaning halfway out of it. "Hey, guuuuuys~" She called happily.

"'bout time." Damion said.

"Yeah, I was getting bored waiting." I said, putting Nevan back in my pocket.

The bus pulled up to us as Ms. Nekonome spoke. "This is the Newspaper club's first trip to the human world, right?" She asked happily.

"It depends on what you mean. Damion, Tsukune and I live in the human world, but as a group, yes, this will be our first time." I said.

"Well, let's all be happy and have a great time!" She said.

"Yeah!" We all said.

"Hey, where's Gin?" Tsukune asked.

"He said he had to grab a few things, but I see his dust trail coming right now." I said, pointing.

He rushed in and quickly got on the bus. "Thank god, I finally finished those make-up classes! Let's go before I have to spend another minute with Ririko!" He said.

"Oh-ho-ho, her, huh?" I smirked, getting on the bus.

"Hey, Kurumu, didn't you have to do some make-up classes?" Yukari asked.

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that! I managed to finish all of my make-up classes!" She said, quickly getting Yukari and herself on the bus.

"More like managed to skip them, I bet." Mizore said.

"I believe it." Damion said, also getting on the bus.

As we pulled away and headed for the tunnel I heard Kurumu whisper something. "Yay me. Yahoohoo!" She giggled.

We were all chilling on the bus and I was kicked back, relaxed and listening to music like I was a king. "You can tell everybody. Yeah, you can tell everybody. Go ahead and tell everybody. I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man. Yes I am, yes I am, yes I am. I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man." I sang.

"Someone's in a good mood." Kurumu said, looking at me, sitting next to a sleeping Yukari.

"Of course. We're going to a place called Witch hill. That means there's probably a bunch of witches there, whose souls are ripe for the picking. And once I eat one I'll be the newest Death Scythe and everyone at the DWMA will have to kiss my ass." I said.

At that moment, we passed through the tunnel. Tsukune began tearing up, all emotional and leapt up, looking out the window. "I'm back home!" He said happily.

"Calm the hell down." I said.

"Someone's sure excited." Mizore said.

"Yeah, no kidding. What's that all about, you sound like a human?" Kurumu said.

"You know why? It's because he lived in the human world for so long! Right? Right?" Moka said.

"Uh, yeah, I guess I feel sort of attached or something." He said.

(Or because you ARE a human.) I thought.

"Well, I guess that type of thing can happen." Kurumu said, buying it.

We finally reached our stop and noticed a bunch of interesting people at said stop. Very familiar people who are close to me. For once in my life, I think I was feeling nostalgia…. Or just indigestion. "Oh, look at all those people there! Certainly an interesting bunch aren't they?" Ms. Nekonome said.

"Yeah, but who are they?" Moka said, nervously.

"Oh, relax. They're my friends. They're cool and collected, they're not just gonna spaz out and hurt you." I said, getting in front of everyone and getting off first. "Hey, good to see you everybody!" I said, spreading my arms out wide and stepping off, only for Nero to grab me by the throat. "Hey, Nero, I missed you, too! I'd hug you, but I can't reach and you're crushing my windpipe." I said, tapping out.

"What did you do with the Blue Rose?!" He demanded.

Everyone else got off the bus and was shocked by the spectacle, but Tsukune freaked out the most when he saw the Devil Bringer (for any Succubae reading the story, The Devil Bringer is Nero's right arm, which is demonic). "Holy crap! What's wrong with his arm!?" Tsukune screamed.

(Uh-oh.) I thought. "Tsukune, Ix-nay on the rm-ay. He's a little sensitive about that." I said.

Too late. Nero dropped me and drilled Tsukune right in the stomach (punched him really hard), then grabbed him by the shirt and lifted him into the air like Saizou did. "Do you have a problem with it?" He demanded.

"You pushed the arm button, Tsukune. You shouldn't 'a did that." I told him, then grabbed Nero's shoulder. "Alright, Nero, put 'im down. _He's the human I told you about in the letter."_ I said, whispering the last part.

Nero growled, then let him go and I gave him back the Blue Rose. "Fine, but I'm kicking his ass next time." He snapped.

"Sai!" Lady said, walking up.

"Hey, babe!" I said, laughing and grabbed her around the waist, lifting her into the air, spinning and kissing her, much to her surprise and the fury of a certain blue-haired girl.

"When did you get so romantic?" She asked.

"When I haven't seen you for a month and an annoying harem won't leave me alone." I said.

"Sai, who are these people?" Moka asked worriedly.

"I suppose introductions are in order." I said, lining everyone up and giving them a Deadpool-like introduction. Starting first with Dante, I turned on a radio.

_Who the fuck is that?!_

_He's a half-demon guy!_

_Who the fuck is that?!_

_He likes to fight crime!_

_Who the fuck is that?!_

_He hangs out with Sai!_

_Who the fuck is that?!_

_He'll never fuckin' die!_

_He's fuckin' Dante! _(Fuckin' Dante!)

"Uh, Sai?" Dante said, then I moved on to Lady.

"Lady! My girl! Strong-willed! Independent! Hot! She totally digs me. And I understand that because I totally dig her, too. We met after me and Dante formed somewhat of a rivalry after our first meeting and he told her I was a demon so she came to kill me. But then, we talked and found out how much money Dante owed us both and together we got him to pay it up front." I said.

"Well, you've got some trouble, Lady, because Sai is mine!" Kurumu said, grabbing me.

"No, he belongs to me!" Moka said, tackling me.

"Hey, he's mine!" Yukari said, hugging me around the waist.

"Ha! And to think you used to have next to no luck with women!" Dante laughed.

"Oh, look who's talking." I said, firing up and blasting the girls off of me.

The next person to come up was Trish. "Trish does what she calls working behind the scenes. I call it going on the traitor. She used to be a servant of the demon lord Mundus to kill Dante, which makes her even hotter, but now she's one of the good guys at Devil May Cry. _She'll come around."_ I said, whispering the last part, in other words joking she should try to kill Dante again.

"I heard that last part Sai." Dante said.

Next up was Black Star. "Black Star! Failure as an assassin and a massacre of the image of a ninja! He has the skills to be one of the best, but his cocky-ass attitude makes him fail ALL THE TIME! Pretty sad shit. He's a fun person to make fun of, though, so thanks, Funimation!" I said.

"Hey! How dare you! I'm the biggest start there is! The one and only Black Star!" He snapped, getting right up in my face.

"Have you looked in a mirror lately? You're the 6 shortest character in the show. We got Angela, Rachel, Little Ogre, Moquito, the fairies, then you." I said, to which Damion burst out laughing.

Next was Nero. "Nero! Him and me are the closest thing to brothers. Except he's dumb. And ugly. And he smells funny. He loves it when people ask him if they can borrow the Blue Rose. He's got that awesome demonic arm that can punch a hole through anything. Including my body when I piss him off." I said, then looked down at the massive fist through my stomach. "See?" I said as he pulled it out and the wound closed.

I was running out of intros, plus I had to introduce my friends from the bus, so I just improvised. "And that's Soul, Maka, Tsubaki, Death the Kid, Liz and Patty." I said, pointing to each of them. Then I noticed something. "Hey, where's Lance?" I asked.

"Well…" Dante said.

At the Cullen residence…

"I love you, Bella." Edward said.

"I love you Edward." She said. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. "What was that?" She asked.

"I'll go check." He said, walking to the door. "Who is it?" He demanded.

"Oh, you know…." The voice said from the other side. Suddenly, the door was kicked in, which sent it with Edward behind it into a wall, leaving him as a bloody stain. "A REAL FUCKING VAMPIRE." My brother said, then walked in, found Bella, unsheathed his sword and sliced her into a million pieces. He then got an evil grin on his face. "Life was good today." He said.

Back with us…

"I see." I said, then turned back to the yokai group. The introduction started with Kurumu. "Kurumu and I spend all the time at school together because she never leaves me alone. She's nothing special. Just your average brainwashing, sex-addicted succubus who is WICKED BLONDE! And unfortunately, she's into me." I said.

"Yeah, that's right! I'M his real girlfriend!" She said, grabbing my arm.

"No, you're not." Lady said, putting a pistol to her forehead (Kurumu's obviously).

The next was Mizore. "Ahh, the sweet Snow woman from up in the mountains. Mizore is colder than freezing rain in winter. _She says shit like that._ She can freeze people solid and turn her hands into ice claws. You know shit is gonna go down when she breaks out the ice claws." I said.

"Cold enough to do this." She said, freezing me solid.

"Well, that was cold." Dante smirked, shattering the ice with Ifrit, the fire gauntlets from the first game.

The next one was Moka. "Moka. A sweet, scary, multiple-personality vampire. This one can't do much, but her other form has super strength, super speed and can kick as hard as Nero can punch. Thank god she's sealed most of the time, it gets pretty scary when a red-eyed vampire keeps challenging you to fights_. I'd kick her ass, though_." I said, whispering the last part.

"I'm not that bad, am I?" Moka asked.

"Of course not, I'm just trying to think of stuff that sounds similar to the ones in Deadpool." I said.

Next we had Damion. "Damion! Branded as both hero and villain. Damion was once a badass assassin who has killing perfected. After becoming a vampire, Damion received all their abilities and awesome regenerative powers. And driven bat-shit crazy. Today he hangs out at Yokai Academy in search of fortune. And chimichangas!" I said.

"I'm gonna kick your ass, Sai." He said angrily.

Then we got to Gin. "Oh, Mr. Fasty-fast guy! He's an S class monster like me, but he never wants to go out for beers. He uses his werewolf speed to spy on women and take dirty pictures of 'em. I don't even want to think of what he uses 'em for. He's just evil. Eeeeeevviiiilll." I said.

"Hey, I got my good moments!" He said.

"What intro do I get, Sai?" Tsukune asked hopefully.

"Oh, yeah, that's Tsukune." I said, pointing at him over my shoulder with my thumb, uncaringly.

"What that's it!?" He said.

"What more do you want? You're a practically brain-dead, wussy-ass human who gets a nosebleed any time something even close to sexy happens." I said, to which the DMC gang burst out laughing.

"So, Sai, is it really true you're almost a Death Scythe?" Maka asked.

"Hell yeah. I have high hopes that I'll finally become one before this trip is over." I said.

"Even I gotta admit that's cool." He said.

"Yeah, I just hope I don't accidently eat a cat's soul and ruin it and have to start all over." I said, rubbing it in.

"Please stop." He said, hanging his head low.

"So embarrassing." Maka said, doing the same thing.

"Well, before that happens, why don't we just hang out like we were going to before." Moka said happily.

"Fine by me." I said.

Later, we all went to the beach to party. I was sunbathing with Lady, Dante was swimming along with Nero, Trish, Black Star and Tsubaki, Damion found a grill from somewhere and started making burgers and everyone else was playing that ball game where you have to keep the beach ball in the air.

"So, you're not afraid of the human world?" Yukari asked Tsukune (They must've missed my intro for him).

"No, not all." He replied.

"Wow! Tsukune you're incredible!" She said.

"I don't think you know the meaning of that word." I told her.

"You like teasing that guy, huh?" Lady asked.

"Not so much teasing as totally bagging on him." I said.

Moka dove for the ball at one point and knocked it into the air, hitting the ground herself.

"Whoa! Moka are you okay?" Tsukune asked, hitting it back quickly, then checking on her.

"Oh, yeah. I just got a massive pile of sand up my swimsuit, that's all." She said.

"That's never fun." I said.

"Especially if you're a girl." Lady said.

Finally, Kurumu kept stealing the ball from Yukari and teased her when she pouted about it. "That's enough, this means war!" Yukari snapped.

"Oh, please, do you really think I'm scared of a little girl? If you want some, BRING IT." She said, slamming the ball back to Tsukune when she said bring it.

Yukari was getting pretty competitive now and was even going to use magic for a super shot against Kurumu. "Yukari no!" Tsukune said, stopping her, at the expense of getting slammed to the ground. "You know, you're not supposed to use magic in the human world." He said.

She started laughing at that point, sticking out her tongue. "Oops, I guess I got carried away." She giggled.

At that moment I got a conference call from Dante and all of the DWMA kids and they asked the same thing. "Are you sure she's okay?" They asked.

"She's just a little kid, she just needs to learn to control her temper better." I said.

Not too far off, Ms. Nekonome wouldn't leave a sushi guy alone, looking at all of his fish. "Can I help you with something?" The guy said. She merely squealed happily over the fish he hadn't cooked yet. "Thos fish are raw." He said.

"Rowr! To be completely honest, I like them better that way." She said.

"Good thing that suit is so tight. Her tail might pop out otherwise." I said.

"What tail?" Lady asked.

"She's a neko." I explained.

Later, everyone decided to go for a swim except for Damion and Moka. I even went in, albeit on a floaty thing like an air mattress. "I'm glad you found a way to swim with us." Lady said, swimming next to me.

"Like I'd miss any time to be with you." I said. We leaned in to kiss again, but suddenly I heard a gunshot and air hissing. I looked to see Nero had shot a hole in the side of my floaty. "Nero, you son of a bitch!" I blubbed, sinking under the water.

After a quick trip to the beachside hospital, we fund a sunflower field and went to investigate. "Well, maybe it's just me, but all there is here is a lot of flowers." Dante said, shrugging.

"Wow! Look at all of them!" Moka said in awe.

"Beautiful, isn't it, Sai?" Lady asked.

"Yeah. The only thing that could make this even better is if an evil witch popped out for me to kill." I said.

"Ha! Looks like you're not gonna become a Death Scythe after all! I knew it! No one can beat the great Black Star-!" Black Star started ranting until I punched him in the face. "Ow, you bastard! You punched me in the-!" He snapped before I punched him again. "Ow! You did it again!" He snapped and I punched him again. "Ow! Stop it! STOP IT-!" He whined before I punched him again. "Ow, dammit!" He said, holding his face. (What did Sid say to do in this situation?!) He wondered.

A flash to Sid. "Black Star, if you ever find yourself being punched repeatedly in the face, always remember to-" He said, but I punched Black Star in the face again.

"Ow, he cut off Sid!" He said.

"Okay, Sai, I think that's enough." Tsukune said weakly.

"Hello? What is this?" Damion said, looking around. "I sense a witch's soul nearby and it's NOT Yukari." I said.

"Mine, mine, mine mine mine-mine-mine-mine-mine-mine-mine!" I said, rushing through the field, searching left and right.

"Why are you looking for a witch?" Yukari asked.

"Not breaking it to her, not it!" I said, raising my hand.

In the end it was Maka, who already created a Death Scythe anyway, to break it to her. "Dammit." She muttered under her breath, then turned to Yukari. "Yukari, I'm sorry to tell you this, but Sai is a Demon Weapon, trying to become a Death Scythe. In order for him to do that, he needs to kill a witch and eat her soul. But we only look for evil witches. Witches like you or our friends Angela Leon and Kim Diehl are okay." She said.

Yukari was shocked at this, looked at all of us, then ran away. "Yukari, wait!" I called, about to go after her, but Damion stopped me.

"Wait." He said.

"What, are you insane?! She's a little kid! Witch or not, who knows what people might try to do to her." I said.

"She needs time to herself right now." He said.

"Fine. Who know, with any luck, she might be the bait to draw out the bigger fish and then…." I said, turning my arms into katana blades up to the elbow and running them across each other.

Later at night…

Yukari stood on the top of the hill looking down at the sunflower field. "Witch hill, huh? I wonder if a witch really lives here. Maybe she's like me?" She wondered, when suddenly she saw a figure. She raised her wand, but then the moon came from behind the clouds to light the area, revealing a woman.

"No need to look so frightened, my little witch friend." She said, stepping into the light to completely reveal herself. "My name is Ruby. I'm a witch just like you. We're the same, you and I, Yukari." She said, pulling out her wand, which looked menacing compared to Yukari's.

"How do you know my name?" She asked.

"You came up this afternoon. I've been watching you ever since. Never once did I imagine I'd run into another witch. I wanna ask you something. You see, I would really like to become your friend, if you want." She said, almost shyly.

Meanwhile, back where we are…

"I sense a friendship speech. DESTROY." I said, turning my arms into blades again and walking off.

Back with the bitches- I mean! Witches…

"You'd really be my friend?" Yukari asked.

Ruby then livened up. "Oh! So we can, then, right!?" She asked, running up and hugging Yukari.

"Ruby, you-" Yukari choked out, being held a little too tight.

"You and I are both witches, so we should be best friends." She said, to which Yukari nodded.

"More annoying friendship speeches? Please. And Yukari, didn't your parents ever teach you not to talk to strangers?" I asked, putting one hand on my hip, accidentally stabbing myself since it was still a blade. "UGH!" I exclaimed in minor pain.

"Demon weapon! First you threatened Yukari, now you're here for me?! Well, I won't let you take her, me or my mother! And you will never stop our plans to wipe out the humans." Ruby snapped.

"Well, well, well. You just gave me the confession I needed. Witch Ruby, your soul is that of an evil witch that I now claim." I said, getting ready to rush in.

"Sai, wait!" Tsukune called out as they all rushed in from nowhere.

"Oh, fantastic, now you're here! What next, you're gonna say I can't kill her?!" I said.

"That's exactly what I'm gonna say! Just give her a chance!" He pleaded.

"Not a chance! Now stay out of my way or I may just go kishin and take YOUR soul!" I said threateningly, putting a blade to his throat, then turning back to Ruby.

"Devour him, my pets!" She said, waving her wand and making giant plant monsters rush at me.

"MORTAL KOMBAT!" I said, rushing in, slashing them to bits effortlessly with Baraka's fighting style. I finished them quickly and turned my attention to Ruby. "Now it's your turn, witch!" I said, pointing on arm at her.

"Sai, no, wait!" Yukari said, stepping between her and I.

"Yukari. Stand aside." I said, cocking my head, indicating for her to get out of the way.

"Just let me handle this!" She said, turning to Ruby. "Ruby, I've decided that I can't stay here with you. I have friends that I care about-" She said.

"If this is a friendship speech, I'm killing you and taking your soul." I said, glaring at her.

"It would be the last thing you ever do." Maka said, putting Soul's blade up to my throat.

"She's a witch, but she's pure-hearted. You cannot have her soul." Kid said, putting Liz and patty's barrels up to my right temple.

I felt a small prick in my back and turned enough to see Black Star had Tsubaki in Ninja Blade mode, pressed against my spine.

"Hmph. Fine." I said, withdrawing my blades.

"Sorry." Yukari said with a bow, turning away.

"Oh, that wasn't so bad. I thought it was gonna be episode 3 all over again." I said, calming down.

"Guess that's it. Yukari seems fine now, huh?" Tsukune said.

"Hey, you went looking for Yukari, then when you didn't come back I got really worried something happened to you so I got everyone else to come get you." Moka said.

"Moka…" Tsukune said, blushing.

"Tsukune…"

"NOOOOOOO…" I said, instantly agitated again.

They two of them went to kiss when suddenly, Tsukune was impaled in the side by vines and fell to the ground, looking dead. "Oh, my god! She killed Tsukune!" Damion said.

"You bastard!" I said, then thought. "Wait, no, nevermind. You're cool." I said.

"I will bring Yukari home with me. Because it's my wish. And also her ladyship demands it." Ruby said.

"We gotta kill her now, don't we?" I asked, looking at Damion.

"She just killed a human and she plans to kill more, so yes." He said as I went into weapon form.

"Tsukune… Please, no. NOOOOOOO!" Moka screamed, then suddenly, in a burst of monster energy, Inner Moka appeared, even with the rosary still attached.

"_Impossible! That intimidating energy! It's stronger than even Stein or Spirit. Maybe even Vegeta, even as a Super Saiyan 2!" _I said in pure shock.

"We… Are… Fucked." Damion said.

Moka rushed in and with a massive blast of monster energy, everyone was sent flying and it all went black…


	12. Chapter 10: Battle plus Death Scythe

Ruby was slowly regaining consciousness and was hearing our conversations: the DWMA students and DMC associates wondering what to do with Ruby, Yukari chanting a spell to heal Tsukune's impalements (which he unfortunately survived) and my out-of-my-mind rambling.

"All these squares make a circle… All these squares make a circle!" I said uneasily.

She suddenly woke up and everyone, minus me, crowded her. "Hey, Ruby… You up?" Tsukune asked. She must've remembered everything that happened, because she suddenly jumped up ready for action, but then I smashed a can of tea against her face.

"Can in the face!" I said as I knocked her back down.

"Sai, you were just supposed to give that to her gently…" Tsukune said.

"Tsukune! I need you to tell me I can leave the tent if I want to!" I said to him.

"Sai, you can leave the tent if you-" He started.

"BITCH, DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" I shouted, then looked back at the ground. "All these squares make a circle… All these squares make a circle…" I continued, panicking.

"Sai, are you gonna be okay?" Lady asked grabbing my shoulder.

"You know, Damion, if you wanted to calm him down, you should've just given him a 5th of vodka, you didn't need to shove a gallon of LSD down his throat from a milk carton." Kid said.

"Oh, I know… This is just funner." Damion smirked.

"I'm on tonight~ You know my hips don't lie, I'm starting to feel it's right. I'll put you… In traction… Can't you see baby, this is perfection~!" I sang and danced, falling down.

"Told you. And those aren't the words, Sai." Damion said.

"Sa mina mina, hey hey, wakka wakka, hey hey, sa mina mina, alegua, this time for Africa." I said, falling down every time I tried to stand back up.

"Ah, he's always the life of the party." Dante smirked.

"So, anyway, are you thirsty? We got you some tea if you want. And don't worry, everyone else already has one." Tsukune said, pointing to everyone else.

"Why do we always befriend people trying to kill us?!" I demanded, but then went back to "all these squares make a circle".

"Because we want to hear her story." Tsukune said.

"I don't! Let me explain my situation through song: I've got 99 demon souls and a witch ain't one~" I said, falling down again. "Why won't you all stop spinning?!" I demanded.

"Tell us about that hill." Tsukune said.

"I don't care. I'mma kill it!" I said, making my arms into blades, getting ready to make an attack that had a 70% chance of hitting the right target.

"Don't you do it!" Yukari said.

"I'mma do it!" I hyped up.

"Don't you do it!" All of the Yokai students said. I lunged anyway, ready to attack.

"Dang it!" Damion said, getting in the way and punching me in the face.

"Take me down to the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty." I said, passing out.

"Okay, that hill's a place where witches have lived for a very long time. And we lived there in peace, never bothering or hurting anybody, just minding our own business. Well, at least until THEY came barging in on us. They destroyed everything in sight. They ripped everything to shreds, treating our home like it was nothing. Explain this to me! The human scum! Why should we trust them?! What good could that possibly do us now?! We will never trust the humans ever again!" She shouted. Then she looked at Yukari. "Please, Yukari. You of all people should understand what I'm saying. We witches call this place home. If we're going to say safe, our only option is to destroy every last one of them." She said.

"Well that's fucking ominous!" I said. Then, the LSD wore off and good old gambling man Sai was back. "Can't let you do that, Ruby." I told her, then I looked at Tsukune. "How the hell do you keep surviving all of this? You just got impaled in 4 separate places." I said.

"But, Ruby, I don't feel that way." Yukari said.

I sighed, knowing humans certainly WERE capable of evil.

Flashback…

There was a well-known terrorist organization that we were attacking in Detroit (surprise!) and my younger sister, Serena, also a vampire like Lance, was tearing the most people to shreds. Suddenly, the cops broke in and witnessed her decapitating people.

"Holy shit, shoot her!" The leader said as they began to do so.

Enraged, I immediately stepped in the way, melting the bullets before they could reach me, then glared at them, my eyes glowing red. I powered up to Super Saiyan and beat the living shit out of them, breaking every bone from the ribs down. "How dare you harm Serena! Disgusting humans! Get out of my site!" I shouted, throwing fireballs at them to make them crawl away as quickly as they could.

Back to now…

"Ruby, I understand what you're saying. I will not deny there are humans out there perfectly capable of evil, but to kill them makes you no better than them. And they don't truly deserve to die. Besides, there are plenty of humans with nothing but good in their soul." I said, pointing my hand up in the sky to build suspense of who I was talking about. Tsukune looked hopeful for a moment, but then I pointed at Lady and held her hands. "I'll help you try to preserve the hill, but if you attack the humans, then I'll have no choice but to…" I said, letting go of Lady's hands and turning my arms into blades again.

"We have no choice! We must destroy the humans." She said.

"Come on, do you really think it's okay to kill everyone just to save some hill?" Kurumu asked.

"The only ones we kill are humans." She countered.

"Still, whether you're a human or a monster, there's no difference in the value of someone's life." Mizore said.

"Now that's one statement I disagree with." I said, thinking of the long list of people I'd like to kill: Justin Beiber, Rebecca Black, One Direction, Miley Cyrus, The Jonas Brothers, Medusa, Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, etc.

"What's so wrong about killing humans? So what if I kill them off!? Who cares about stupid humans!" She said, throwing her can at Tsukune.

"Alright, that's it. I was trying to be a team player. Trying to be a nice guy, but if you won't stop, I have no choice." I said, getting ready to attack.

"You don't get it! If they take away that hill, I'll be left with nowhere else to go!" She shouted.

"Wait, if that's what this whole thing is about, why don't you come with us?" Tsukune said.

"Stop trying to help her, I AM HUNGRY." I said, glaring at him.

"Maybe a drink will fix the problem." Damion said, pulling out another gallon of LSD.

"A: Where do you keep all that shit, B: How can you carry that much and C: Ain't gonna work this time." I said, slicing the jug in half. I turned back to Ruby, but she was gone. "Goddammit, I'm never gonna get that witch's soul." I said.

"We should go look for her. What if something happens?!" Tsukune asked.

"No way, why would we…?" I started, then remembered the soul. "That's a great idea. I'll go look for her. Alone." I said.

Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice outside of the tent. "Get out or we shoot." He said. I rushed out to see my first meister partner and one of the closest people in my life: My brother, Lance. "Nah, I'm just kidding, we're in Japan, we don't have guns." He smirked.

"Hey, what are you doing here?!" I asked, excitedly, hugging him.

"You called me and told me you were coming, so I got here as soon as I killed off the Cullens." He said.

"Well, luckily, we may get that Witch's soul after all." I said.

Meanwhile…

Ruby returned home and entered the room where her mother-figure she calls Her Ladyship was. "Your ladyship…" Ruby said.

Suddenly, vines entangled her. "I know what you've been doing, Ruby. How could you betray me?" She said.

"No! I'm yours, Your Ladyship! I promise I would never turn my back on you!" She pleaded.

Back to us…

The whole gang rushed to investigate where Ruby was to find a whole plant army to face along with a much older looking witch, Ruby not too far behind, up in the air. "And who might you be?" I asked.

Vines suddenly reached out and ensnared all the girls as the monsters prepared to attack. "I am Lady Oyakata and you are trespassing on our land. Go now or perish. No one is allowed on this hill!" She said. At that moment, a massive army of the plant monsters rose up from the sunflowers.

"Oh, so this is the old witch hag you said the Ruby chick was reffering to." Lance said.

"And what have we here? An irritating child!" She said, getting ready to attack, or trying to intimidate him.

"Excuse me, but I'm a fuck-mothering vampire. I killed a lot of people to get this title. I deserve to be called such." He said.

Kou flew out of the field and started screaming. "Holy crap! It turns out a whole bunch of plant monsters were being cultivated under this sunflower field, whee!" He said, quickly flying away.

I looked to my brother for the signal to go to weapon form, but he just stood there, arms crossed, eyes red, as if he was looking into her soul. "I'll give you one chance. Stop this and end your attack on the humans… Or die." He said in his usual ominous badass tone.

"You first." She said, making vines shoot from her fingers, cutting his head off, tearing him to shreds. Then she looked at us. "Now that I've killed him, I think that's enough of a warning. Leave now." She demanded.

"Sorry to say, but that was just step one. What about 2 through 10?" I asked smugly.

"Ah, Christ!" She said, looking behind her as, in a massive swarm of bats and black wasps, he reformed.

"You done goofed." He said.

"How in the hell did you do that?!" She demanded.

"Fuck you that's how." He said, stretching his arm out towards me.

"Right!" I said, changing into weapon form.

He grabbed me, sliced me through the air a few times, then took a "Nin" stance. "Now then, time for the fun to begin." He said, rushing in, as did everyone else with a badass war cry.

Dante fired on them stylishly and cut them up with Rebellion if they got too close, Trish fried any threats to her with her lightning, Lady showed off her purely badass skills with all of her guns, taking each attacker down with one shot, Damion smashed them or ripped them apart with his bare hands with Mizore as back-up, obviously cutting them with her ice claws or freezing them solid, Kurumu cut them up with her nails and Yukari used her cards again. "Guys, what should I do?!" Tsukune demanded.

"Either run away like a bitch or fill the useless plot hole and take off Moka's Rosary, then stay out of it!" Damion said.

"I can fight, too!" Tsukune whined (he actually does in the show, the girls go up to protect him and he throws a fit, saying how he can fight).

"_No. No, you can't." _I said.

He then remembered Moka and, I admit this impressed me, fought his way through a horde of the plant monsters to get to her, trying to save her, but failed and pulled off the rosary again.

"Now I'll turn them into a blood offering!" Oyakata said before this happened.

Despite this, Moka still became her inner self and was more than ready to fight. "Moka…" Kurumu said.

"She looks mad…" Yukari said in fear.

"You fool. Doing too much like always." She said, looking at Tsukune, but then smiled. "Still, you did save my ass." She said, then slammed a few monsters (3) away with a massive kick.

"Not bad. Not enough." Lance said, first admiring her strength, then challenging it. He rushed in and delivered a heavy kick, shattering the very earth and crushing an entire wave of them and launching the rest into the air. "Death is imminent." He said darkly, slashing a few times faster than the eye can track, cutting all the monsters down with no effort. To finish, he disappeared, reappeared in front of Oyakata and kicked her hard, sending her flying into Ruby and sending them both flying through a bunch of trees, which all somehow landed on them. "It's done." He said, flicking his arm to swipe the blood off my blade.

"This episodes showdown was over in a mere-!" Kou started, but then the two rose again. "Whee~?" He asked.

The two then rushed back into the fight, making the monsters reform and get even bigger. "Now, it's time to die!" Oyakata shouted, rushing in.

Mizore then began firing ice shards to the monsters from the left and right sides of her hands, killing the monsters without much effort. "The only things that died were them." She said quietly.

"Good job, babe." Damion said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Thanks. Maybe sometime the two of us could make a combination attack." She said, turning around, putting both her hands on his shoulders and giving him a quick kiss.

"That was nothing! They will keep coming back again and again until you're all dead!" Oyakata shouted.

"Sai, we're gonna need you in your human form. Operation: Unholy Fuckstorm of Fiery Death." Lance said.

"_Got it!" _I said. He then threw me into the air, high above the fight and I turned back, aiming my hands down as if I was firing a Masenko or something. "You dog, I heard you hate fire! So I put my fire in this fire, so I can fry you while I fry you!" I said, throwing down hundreds of fireballs, each leaving an incredible and powerful explosion, wiping out the monsters dozens at a time. (Time for the finally.) I thought. "I'MMA FIRIN' MAH LAZOR!" I said, spitting out a massive stream of fire that hit the direct center of the army, including Oyakata and Ruby, causing a massive explosion and a mushroom cloud. Ruby was on the ground, unconscious and Oyakata was on one knee, definitely out of the fight. "This episode's showdown took- Oh, come on." I said as Oyakata raised her wand and used a powerful spell becoming a massive plant monster herself.

"Holy shit!" Damion said, rushing in.

"If she gets to full power, that'll be a serious pain in the ass." I said, rushing out of the air. Damion and I rushed behind her to execute a combo attack we've been working on but haven't been able to test yet. We rush in at practically Mach 3 speeds and each drives a devastating elbow into one of the opponent's kidneys, which, by our calculations, will completely destroy the kidneys and has an 80% chance of breaking the opponent's back. But before we could land the attack, we were both smashed away by massive fists made of vines.

"Sai!" Lance called, reaching out.

"Right!" I said, flying over in weapon form.

"No! Mistress Yukata! Please…. Stop." Ruby said, with what little strength she had.

"Ruby…" Yukata said, sounding sad, but then she had the vines come down, grab her and did something none of us expected, ate her. She suddenly gained a massive amount of power, becoming nearly impossible to stop, to the point no one could get in close.

"What?" Damion said, wide-eyed.

"_How dare you!" _I said, in anger and disbelief. _"To consume your own student only for more power…" _ I said, seething.

"Such selfish arrogance! I CANNOT ALLOW THIS!" Lance shouted, taking a Nin stance again as I knew what was coming.

"_**Let's go, Soul Resonance!" **_We both announced, our power massively increasing, to the point where the kishin hunter Damion and I preformed before seem like a child's play thing.

"What is this power?! Kishin hunter?!" Damion questioned.

"_No. this is our technique. One we had made ourselves years ago. Even the Kishin Hunter is no match for it. Every time we've used this, nothing has ever survived." _I explained.

"**DOWNPOUR OF BLADES!" **Lance announced, slicing into the air, sending a blade of light from my blade which opened up into a portal above Yukata. From that portal, millions of swords just like me rained down on her, having more effect than my fireballs did before, ripping through Yukata like she was nothing, destroying her, her wand and the monster, engulfing us all in a massive dustcloud.

The smoke cleared and there was only the monsters giant corpse left along with a witch's soul, Yukata's. "It's finally over. My mission is complete." I said, grabbing the soul and eating it, finally accomplishing my task of becoming a Death Scythe. At that moment, I felt a massive surge of energy through me as the wind picked up and I began glowing. "Wow, unreal! My gods! This is amazing! I FEEL INCREDIBLE! YES! YES! YES! YES! I CAN WIN! I FEEL GREAT! I! CAN! DO THIS!" I shouted, then screamed and released a massive burst of energy, blowing over trees.

"What is he doing?" Damion asked.

"Chanting to himself." Lance asked.

"I see."

"MY POWER IS MAXIMUM! I AM INVINCIBLE! I'M THE MAN!" I said, trying out my new power. All of my attacks had way more power and speed behind them and blades the size of the one in my weapon form spouted from my elbows, knees and each vertebra. In addition, dozens of smaller blades poked out from everywhere like spikes or armor. "Now I see why Death Scythe's can fight without meisters." I said, not believing the new strength I had.

"Well, then, now that you have all of this new power, I'd like to test it. Maybe you'll actually stand a chance." Moka smirked.

I looked back at her and returned the smirk. "You're on. Although with this power, I'd say you'll be the one lucky to stand ANY chance." I said.

"WAIT, HOLD IT!" Maka said, stepping in between us, putting her hands on our chests to keep us apart, then looked back and forth between us. "Before you two can tear each other apart, we have to go back to Death City for the ceremony for Sai." She said.

I looked in consideration, then nodded. "You have a point, Maka. But one quick thing here: Look where your left hand is." I smirked again, flicking my head as a means to tell her where to look. She did so to realize she had her hands on Moka's breasts.

"Oops, sorry." She said, backing off and giggling nervously, rubbing the back of her head.

Moka, on the other hand, was furious. "How dare you! Know your place!" She said, trying to kick at Maka, who quickly ran away, but Moka chased after her.

"Someone help!" Maka pleaded.

"Nope, I think I'mma just sit here and relax." I said, pulling out a lawn chair and relaxing while I watched the humorous spectacle.


	13. Ceremony plus Battle (Interlude)

With the power of Fanfiction magic, we arrived at Death City and entered, being greeted and followed all along the way by our fellow students until we all reached the Death Room. We entered and Lance and I walked up to Lord Death's little stage/platform thing while everyone else stood on the sidelines. We both bowed at that point and looked back to him. "Lord Death, or mission is finally completed." Lance said.

"Lance Blade, for gathering 99 kishin souls and 1 witch soul, I hereby revert you to badass motherf***in' sword meister and when needed, I will use Sai as my own personal weapon!" Lord Death said happily.

(This is the happiest… Moment…. Of… My life…) I thought happily, barely able to contain it.

"Now, then. I suppose, since we have a Death Scythe stationed here already, for now, you'll be assigned elsewhere." Lord Death said.

"I suppose that's fair." I said, looking over at Spirit, who was at first crying in fear of getting reassigned, now crying in joy of not being reassigned.

"Yes, sir. Thank you." I said as we bowed again and left. Once we were outside, though… "You know, I'm happy about being a Death Scythe, but now I kinda feel like I won the lottery, but the government reached in and took 50% of it." I said.

"Enough moping. I believe we were about to fight?" Moka said, still in her normal form.

"Fine. More Fanfiction magic." I said.

Suddenly, we were back on Witch's Hill on opposite sides of it, 10 paces away from each other. "I hope you're ready for this." She said.

"Just waiting on you." I said.

"First, the rules: No outside help from our friends or your Pokemon. Second: No weapons, just our own strength. I suppose you can use your weapon form, though. It will give you a chance." She said.

"You know, there's an old saying 'too much pride can kill.'" I told her.

"And the third rule: If you die, you lose." She said.

"Now we're talking." I said, limbering up.

"Do you guys really have to fight?" Tsukune asked.

"Of course, a little bitch like you wouldn't understand. It's about pride and proving yourself. They both have pride and strength to match it, but they want to see who has more of both." Damion said, then paused, then held up a lot of money. "Taking bets, here! 500 bucks on Moka to win! Going once, going twice!" He said.

"I put 2 grand on Sai to win." Dante said.

"70 on Sai." Lady said.

"100 on the vampire girl." Trish said, holding out her money.

"Ouch. Who's side are you on, Trish?" I asked, in my best sounding-offended voice.

"Mine." She said, not falling for it.

"I'll put 20 on Moka." Tsukune said.

"40 on Moka." Mizore said, putting her money in.

"I put 80 on Sai!" Kurumu said.

"You're seriously betting on this!?" Yukari screamed at them.

"Begin." Moka said, the camera doing a scary close-up on her eyes like when she broke the Mizore ice clones.

**Background Music: This War is Ours (The Guillotine Part II) By Escape The Fate**

She rushed in to throw a massive round kick, but compared to Gin or Dante, her speed was nothing, so I was easily able to jump/spin over the top of her, landing behind her and throwing a rear kick to the small of her back, landing it perfectly, sending her to the ground. "First blood!" I announced. She half-spun onto her right side to throw a downed kick to my stomach, but I easily jumped back. From there, all she did was kick after kick, which I could easily dodge or, to my surprise, block, although that took A LOT more effort. "You should mix it up more. Use your hands. Those sexy legs of your take more time to swing and by now, I'm expecting it. Your tactics are one-dimensional." I taunted, catching her leg after a kick and spun her, causing her to once again hit the ground, although this time on her back.

"Here's a new dimension for you!" She said, doing the martial arts get up and, using that momentum from popping up like that, continued forward and headbutted me just above my right eye, then did a spearhand to my stomach, doubling me over, holding my stomach. "Out of my sight!" She said, throwing a kick at my face.

Thinking quickly, since there was no time to block or dodge, I turned into my weapon form, so she kicked the back of my blade, sending me flying into a tree, but taking no damage. I then entered my human form again and smirked. "Sorry, didn't hurt." I said.

"Wow, he'd doing good." Yukari said.

"Yeah, even against a high class monster like Moka." Tsukune said in awe.

"He could actually win." Damion said.

"It was a nice move, though, turning into a sword so she couldn't hurt him." Mizore said.

"Yeah, he's got to be the first person to take one of Moka's kicks and still be in the fight." Kurumu said.

"I think it's my turn now." I said, rushing in, delivering a hard elbow to her stomach, spinning and hitting her with a back fist to the left temple, sending her to the ground, then delivering a heel stomp to the small of her back, before backflipping a few feet away. "Stay down." I said.

"I won't let you win that easily!" She said, spinning and trying to kick out my legs from under me, then getting up and trying to throw an uppercut kick to my face, but I dodged by doing a cartwheel and pushing back, clearing a distance between us of 10 feet. Then we both got ready for a strong attack like an Injustice clash. "Know your place!" She exclaimed.

"I know it's above yours." I said. We then both rushed in and threw the strongest attack we could manage. Our power was evenly matched, however and we both sent each other back. Moka actually stumbled a little to keep her balance while I made blades on the underside of my feet and on the tips of my toes in order to stop me. I was getting a little tired, but at this point, Moka looked flat-out exhausted. "We can stop now if you want. You know how this is gonna end." I told her.

"Yes, I do. With my foot up your ass!" She said, rushing in and throwing kicks wildly, but I was able to easily see where they were coming from and dodged them all to keep wearing her out. Eventually, she had to pasue for a breath, but then threw another kick, which I easily blocked.

"Let's go for a spin." I said, swinging her leg to spin her around at least 10 times and disorient her. As soon as she stopped, she was looking around for me, but couldn't find me. I then looped around her and prepared for a devastating round kick. "It's been fun, Moka, but it's time you learn your place!" I said, kicking her in the stomach, sending her flying into a tree, which she slammed into HARD, sliding down it.

"I never thought I'd be the one who had to know their place." She said weakly, passing out.

"Wow, this was a long one! This episode's big fight took a full 5 minutes, whee~!" Kou said, flying off.

"Moka!" Tsukune said, running up to her. "Sai, what the hell did you do?!" He demanded.

"I knocked her out, duh." I said, then turned back to everyone. "Okay, everyone who bet on Moka, give me your money." I said. They all grumbled, but did so.

"Well, if you two are done roughhousing then it's time we get back to the Academy!" Ms. Nekonome said. We all got ready to get on the bus when Gin stepped off of it, to our surprise holding…

"Ruby!" Moka said, now in her normal form.

"Oh, you guys know her? I found her in the ocean, just floating along as if nothing could harm her." He explained.

"Well, that's good." I said. "How you doing, Ruby?" I asked, trying to nudge her awake, but Gin pulled her back.

"Ah, ah, ah. Her name is Jennifer now." He said.

"GIN, NO!" We all shouted.

"Gin, yes." He said.

Everyone except me got on the bus, but I stopped for a minute. "You know, I think I'm done, I've done everything I was supposed to, I don't see any reason for me to have to go back there." I said.

"What?!" Everyone on the bus shouted.

"Yeah, I'm staying." I said.

"No, you're not." Dante said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because if you do, I'll kick your ass." He said.

"And Sai, if you go back, the next time you come home…" Lady said, then whispered the rest in my ear.

"Okay! I guess I have no choice but to return." I said.

"Oh, but before you do, we got you something." Dante said, handing me two guns, one looking like it was made from Rubies or some red gemstone and the other looking like it was made from sapphires or some blue stone. "Now you don't have to keep stealing Nero's. They're twice as strong as his gun anyway, plus they have explosive rounds and were blessed by the three most badass people we could get." Dante said.

"No… You can't possibly mean-?" I began.

"Yep. Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Chuck Norris." He said.

"Dear lords, this is power even we shouldn't toy with!" I said, looking at the guns excitedly. "Hey, Tsukune, come 'ere! I need some target practice!" I shouted.


	14. Chapter 11: Security Committee plus War

We arrived back at the one place we didn't want to go (Or at least Damion and I didn't) Yokai Academy, for our Sophomore year. "Well, here we are again: You going back to the school for I don't know what and me conned into going once again, only this time with offers of a night of luxury with my girlfriend." I said to Damion.

"Well, it adds a bit more excitement with you here." Damion said. "By the way, what did you do to keep construction workers off Witch Hill?" He asked.

"I… Improvised." I said.

Back at Witch Hill…

Construction workers were baffled and creeped out by the wooden gate wrapped with razor wire that had various warning signs, such as "Guests only, no developers", "Private property, construction forbidden" and my favorite "trespassing developers and construction workers will be castrated by ghosts… who will then rape your soul… Then feed it to a demonic Rottweiler from hell, cursing your soul to forever be a burning pile of dog shit".

"Come on, guys. It's just a fake." The leader said, kicking in the door meant for hikers and your average passerby, only to be met by that evil robot from Robocop (the original).

"Halt! First request: Present identification." It said.

"Uh, okay." The construction worker said, showing the robot his ID and construction pass.

"Construction workers are forbidden to enter! Destroy!" It said, open firing.

"I'm a freakin' genius!" I laughed.

Back to us…

"The start of our second term. I don't know if I'm more happy or more nervous this time around. I'm having really mixed feelings about it." Tsukune said.

"Why would you be happy? We're here to suffer yet another year of having to constantly save your ass and get hurt because of it. It took me 7 hours for that arm to regrow after saving you from the mermaids." I said darkly.

"And if anything, you should be more nervous, because our enemies could have only gotten stronger." Damion said.

"Do you guys have to say it like that?" He asked, now scared.

"Tell me something," Moka said, "Traveling to the human world, none of you ever once went to visit your parents. Was that okay?" She asked.

"My parents are dead." Damion said darkly.

"And I live in America; therefore, that's where my parents live. And Ms. Nekonome wouldn't let me leave the country." I said.

"They could've come to see you. Can't they fly like you can?" Tsukune asked.

"I thought we agreed not to talk about the hindsight, Tsukune." I said.

As for Tsukune, he remembered when we were in the human world and he tried to call his family on his pink flip phone (Ha! What a sissy!). The phone started ringing and his mother picked up. "Hello? Aono residence." She said.

"Hey, mom." He answered.

"Oh, hi, sweetie! You're on Summer break, right? So when are you coming home?" She asked.

I interrupted the flashback for a minute. "You know, in all honesty, you should've went to see your folks. Let them know you care. Not be like 'hey, I haven't seen you for months, now that I have the chance… I don't think I will.'" I said.

Back to the flashback…

"That's what I'm calling about." He said.

"Oh?" She asked.

"I'm actually already back in town, but I didn't have time to drop by the house on this trip." He said.

"You're in town right now, why don't you go see her?" I asked, leaning up against a street light, having to be there because Nekonome said we should always stay in groups so we can't get abducted or whatever and I had to go because it was down to me or Damion and he pulled the 'you're a Death Scythe, it's your job to protect humans' card. "And she calls you 'sweetie?' How much of a baby can you be? I've gotten to the point where my parents only call me by my name, 'buddy', 'son' or 'my boy.'"

"Well, I guess I can forgive you as long as I know you're doing okay." She said.

"Uh-huh. Don't worry, I'm doing great." He said as the bus rolled up. "I've made tons of friends in school and I've joined the newspaper club." He told her.

"When you say friends, you don't include me, right? You'd be lying if you told her that." I said, stepping on as the bus driver opened the doors and I stepped on before the bus even came to a complete stop.

"We work together to write the school paper. And we have a lot of fun making it." He said.

"On that we agree. It's funny to read what Kurumu and Moka make up or get wrong about the human culture and I do love writing my arson articles." I said.

"I'm having a total blast, mom." He said.

"Did you say 'blast?' I can help with that!" I said, pulling out a bazooka.

End flashback…

He looked back over to Moka to see she was right in his face, causing him to jump back like a bitch. "Pussy." Damion and I said at the same time. "Jinx. You owe me a soda!" I said.

"Jynx! Jynx!" Tsukune's Jynx he surprisingly managed to catch cried, popping up behind me.

"Bitch, shut up!" I demanded.

"Tsukune, what are you spacing out about?" She asked.

"Oh, it's nothing." He said.

"Okay." She said, then it looked like she was yawning and blushing, but then looked at Tsukune, looking hungry. "I'm sorry, seeing you I just can't help myself." She said, tackling him and drinking his blood.

"Oh, not again!" He cried out.

"Walk it off, you pussy." I told him, then looked at Damion. "Hey, if Moka finds it so irresistible and wants to drink it all the time, how come you aren't drawn to and try to drink Tsukune's blood?" I asked.

"Something called self restraint and I only drink the blood of women not a pansy ass human vending machine who can't fight or defend himself." He said, to which I laughed.

Later, in the printing room…

We were printing off papers like mad. "Our first issue since Summer break ended and it's turning out nicely, huh?" Tsukune asked.

"It sure is!" Yukari said, nodding.

"Indeed. I decided to do something different this time around and typed my arson articles in bold to draw more attention to them." I said, pointing it out.

"Sai, do you only worry about your arson articles?" Moka asked.

"What else is there to worry about? And don't act like you don't do the same thing. Tsukune obsesses over his articles all the time and Damion only reads his and Mizore's articles." I said.

"I think the real highlight is about the feature article on the latest fashions in the human world. The girls on campus will love it." Moka said excitedly.

"Uh-huh! Of course they will and that's because I wrote it!" Kurumu said.

"See?" I asked, turning the paper to find her article. Damion and Tsukune hovered over my left (Tsukune) and right (Damion) shoulders to look at the article as well and at the same time, all 3 of us deadpanned and got that dark anime expression over use (I mentioned it in chapter 7 when I was sad Mizore didn't like my articles).

(Dark tan? And loose socks?!) Tsukune shouted in his mind.

(That went out of style years ago!) Damion also said.

(This is kinda sad.) I thought.

I looked at Damion, then at Tsukune, then Damion and Tsukune exchanged glances before the 3 of us turned around. "You think we should tell them?" I asked.

"No doubt. If anyone reads that and tries it, they'll be a laughing stock. Then they'll come back and sue us for false advertising." Damion said.

"You sure it won't hurt Kurumu's feelings?" Tsukune asked.

Me and Damion deadpanned again, exchanged a glance, then looked back at him. "We don't care." I said.

"Yeah, Kurumu, these fashion styles died out before we were born." Damion said, turning around to face her.

"Yeah, you could try harder. And you made a lot of typos, too." I said, mostly to hurt her feelings and push her away more, as even Lady's death threats and putting a pistol to her head didn't make her change her mind about me being her destined one.

"Sai… How could you…" She said, running out crying.

"Score: Sai: 1278, Kurumu: NOTHING!" I said, writing it down in my notepad.

Unfortunately, I had my back to the door and she came back in and jumped on my back, wrapping her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck. "Oh, my darling, Sai, I just can't stay mad at you!" She said, nuzzling into me and I did the anime waterfall tears thing, before I remembered my pepper spray.

"Wow, guys. Look at all the content we have. I'm really impressed." Tsukune said, looking at the paper.

"Yeah, so am I." Mizore said, popping up from nowhere behind Damion, scaring even him.

"Hey, Mizore." He said after collecting himself.

"Hey, now, since we know each other well enough, from now on, why don't you refer to me as your 'little snow bunny.'" She said, pushing herself into him, throwing her arms over his shoulders.

"Little snow bunny?" I asked, looking at her weird, but then backed away when the couple gave me a menacing Death Glare.

"If you two are done, we still have a lot more issues to print, so let's go!" Kurumu said in a very take charge tone.

"Wow, you're really worked up about this aren't you?" Mizore asked.

"Of course I am." She replied, grabbing my arm. "It's because it was put together by me and Sai." She said, nuzzling my arm until I maced her again.

"Now, that's not quite true, Kurumu. You know it was a group effort." Moka said, wagging her finger at Kurumu, who laughed nervously.

"No kidding." Yukari added.

"You know, at first I thought you guys were just a clique and a weird one at that, but then I thought this newspaper club wasn't half bad." Mizore said.

"Oh, my gods, Mizore is opening up, it's the sign of the apocalypse, we're all gonna die." I said, panicking until Damion punched me in the face again.

"Alright, guys, we've still got a little time before class, so let's hand these out, huh?" Tsukune asked, to which we all agreed.

Out at the front gate…

"Square! Get your paper here!" Some girls called.

"It's the debut issue of the Yokai Square, folks!" Another girl called.

"It's Super exciting and filled with lots of informative articles!" Another girl said.

"And our first article has a special feature on the human world!" The last girl said.

"Awesome! It's printed in color, too!" One guy said, reading it.

"Yeah, and it's got swimsuit photos!" Another guy said, blushing.

"As always, the 3 of us are the only guys not being pervs." Damion said, then looked at Tsukune. "I meant the 2 of us: Sai and I." He corrected.

"Whoa! The latest fashion from the human world!" One girl said, walking by.

"So tulip patterns and belt bottoms are all the rage, huh?" Her friend asked, also walking by.

"Just what the hell are they all reading?" Kurumu said, going up to the girls passing them out.

"It looks like it's that Yokai Square." Yukari answered.

"Color, huh?" I said, putting up a chibi poster of the Newspaper club in front of our stand that said "One moment, under renovation."

The rest of the club looked on baffled as they could only hear the noises from behind the poster: A saw, a jackhammer, a regular hammer, scissors cutting through paper, a buzz saw, a power drill and an automatic car lock. "Sai, what are you doing back there?" Tsukune said, tapping on the poster like he was knocking on the door, but then the poster suddenly fell forward onto him. It then revealed a new tricked out booth with lots of posters and images from the paper and of each member of the newspaper club (Inner Moka included) In a badass pose, which everyone nearby marveled at.

I however, was still faced away from the group, but then wiped sweat off my face and turned around, holding out one of our new and improved papers. "Behold!" I said dramatically, showing them a paper with pizzazz: awesome colors and designs, cool pictures in color with nothing but up to date information and, once again, each article showed a picture of the person who wrote it that looked simply badass… Except Tsukune, because you CAN'T make him look badass. For example: Above my article was a picture of me with a massive fire behind me with my hands on fire and rose up to the sky, above Damion's article was a picture of some poor, unsuspecting dude with Damion about to drop down on him, Assassin's Creed style.

"I am thoroughly impressed." Damion said, reading it.

At that moment, everyone else also began to swarm our booth. "That's right folks! Get your issue of the Yokai Gazette in the next 5 minutes and I'll throw in a copy of my new video game: Fire of the Blade, absolutely free!" I said, then leaned close to the fourth wall with one hand on the side of my face so people couldn't hear or see what I was saying. "Only for PS3." I said, leaning back.

"When did you have time to make your own video game?!" Damion asked.

"Well, it's mostly a collection of hacked games like Metal Gear Rising Revengeance, Deadpool, Ninja Gaiden and Devil May Cry, but I'm the main character of the games instead of their actual main characters. The other half is fighting games I added myself in, like Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter, Dead or Alive and Playstation Allstars: Battle Royale." I explained.

Kurumu turned around from giving the other newspaper people crap to see the success of our booth, before turning back to them smugly. "Well, looks like we win after all. So have fun with your little unofficial Newspaper that no one cares about." She said, walking back.

"It is an official club." A girl smirked, walking up behind Kurumu.

"Who are you?!" She demanded.

"Me? I'm Kato. The Super Newspaper Club President." The girl said.

"What the hell is that?" Kurumu asked.

"There's already a Newspaper Club." Tsukune said.

"We've got permission from the school and we're an officially recognized club!" Kato said, holding up a pass to certify it.

"Let me see that." I said, taking it and reading it… Then burning it. "Not anymore." I smirked.

"Up top!" Damion laughed as we high 5'd.

"You'll pay for that!" She said, throwing a kick at my head, which I didn't even bother to stop. I let it connect and it didn't even phase me. I easily held back against the force and flicked my head back in the opposite direction of her kick and made her spin in place seven times before she passed out.

"Death Scythe for the win!" I said.

Later we talked to Ms. Nekonome and she confirmed that only the most popular Newspaper club would survive and Kurumu took it as a personal challenge. "If they want a challenge than bring it!" She said.

"Hold on, we have to talk to Gin before we can do anything." Tsukune said.

"He's right, he is our club president after all." Moka said.

"Who cares what that perv thinks?! I bet you any money he's probably off with a camera somewhere peeping on girls!" She snapped.

Meanwhile, on the roof…

Gin had some type of camera sniper rifle and was peeping on girls until he saw the other Newspaper club in a black outfit. "It's them." He said, watching as they went into a door marked "public Safety Commission."

Back with us…

"I can't believe what Kurumu's planning on doing to sell Newspapers. Is that even legal on Campus?" I asked, playing Mortal Kombat as myself against Damion, who was using Goro.

"Dressing up like slutty maids and offering cookies to win votes, I don't think so. The cookies are possibly a bit of a stretch but the outfits take it too far." Damion said, then tried to throw an uppercut, but I stopped that with my Fire Sniper move (I blast the opponent to the other side of the arena with an incredibly powerful and compact fire shot). "Dammit! Not the fatality, no, NO!" He screamed as I initiated it, laughing evilly, both in and out of the game.

I made a fire in each one of my hands, both of which raised into Serpent dragons made of fire and spun around Goro, viciously attacking him until he was nothing but a charred skeleton with some patches of brunt flesh left, then I let out a low growl.

"Sai wins. Flawless Victory. Fatality!" I announced.

"So, the girls are dressed up as maids? Where can I find them?" Gin asked at that moment. Damion then punched him in the face. "In all seriousness, though, I do need to talk to the whole club." He said, holding his presumably broken nose, drawing all of our attentions.

Back at Cafeteria…

Kurumu and Yukari almost successfully won over the votes until the other club showed up in revealing swimsuits. "For everyone who gets there issue of the Yokai Square, you'll receive these special and oh so sexy pictures of us, they're free for subscribers!" The girl from their club with long black hair and red eyes said, showing the pictures.

"Just don't use them for any 'funny' purposes, okay?" One of the other girls asked (You're giving a bunch of pervs pictures of you in a swimsuit, what the hell else would they use them for).

Nobody was looking at the Yokai Gazette anymore. "Can they even do that?!" Kurumu said, freaked out.

"Regardless if they can or can't wear revealing outfits, they are." Yukari said.

"But you guys are sexy, too!" Kou said, then started crying. "It's sad you don't see this, whee~" He said, flying off.

"So tell me guys, which issue of the school's paper do you find interesting?" The girl asked.

"The Yokai Square of course!" All the guys shouted.

"We can't let them get away with this, Yukari!" Kurumu said, turning to face the young witch. "We need some sexier outfits!" She said, but was shocked to see some fat pedo getting closer and closer to Yukari while she was crying.

"You're so cute, I'd take you any day over those buxom bikini girls, a sweet little luscious girl like you-" He said, then we couldn't hear the rest because we focus in on Yukari crying and getting overly creeped out until she finally ran away.

"NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!" She screamed, running away.

"Hey, Yukari, hold on, wait!" Kurumu screamed, waving to her. She gave up when she realized the young witch wouldn't come back, then glared at the pedo, before kicking him in the face.

I showed up at that moment with Fire and Ice (the new guns Dante gave me, it's the best names I could think of) drawn, aimed at the guy. "My pedo senses were tingling." I said, blasting him into oblivion, then aimed at the other guys in front of the Yokai Square girls. "Each subscriber for the Yokai Gazette is one less ass to be capped today." I said, putting them away as the guys came rushing back.

Back at our clubroom after (inexplicably) owning the Square in terms of votes and subscribers, where Kurumu was now trying to calm down Yukari. "That guy was so creepy." Yukari said, still rubbing her eyes.

"It's okay, Yukari, don't cry. Now, let's get back to passing out papers." Kurumu said.

"I think we are set after today." I said.

"You mean we're still gonna keep at it?" She asked.

"Yeah! We'll be in skimpy bikinis, too, but our will be skimpier than theirs!" Kurumu said fiercely.

"Why do I feel this is only gonna lead to trouble?" I asked.

"I'd like to see that, but no." Gin said as the other 5 members of the club came in.

"Court is in session." I said.

"Sorry, but we didn't feel good about this so we spoke to Gin." Tsukune said.

"He is club captain." Moka said.

"And for once, he has something useful to say." Damion said.

"This is one we're gonna have to lose. Nothing good can come from taking these guys on." Gin explained.

"When did you become taller than the doorway?" I asked him (It's true. In that shot, his head goes up above the doorway).

"Are you nuts?! Those talentless twits! All they do is wear skimpy bikinis and flaunt themselves!" Kurumu shouted.

"And you don't?" I asked.

"Yeah, you were gonna do the exact same thing, so isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?" Yukari asked until Kurumu spanked her once and she started bouncing up and down in pain.

"I'm more worried about who's behind them. And that would be the security committee." Gin said.

"Security committee?" Damion and I asked.

"Who would they be?" Mizore asked.

"Well, in a nutshell, they're basically a more violent version of a disciplinary committee. They're all about fighting first and asking questions later." Gin said.

"My kind of people. Where do I sign up?" I asked.

"They claim that they're just keeping the peace and taking the bad guys down, but student police would be a better name for them." He continued.

"Police? Nevermind. Too many rules and too easy to corrupt. Like Gotham." I said, then turned to the fourth wall. "That's right, I took a low blow at the police force of that rotting hellhole of a city, up yours, Batman." I said, turning back.

"Student police?" Tsukune asked.

"But we haven't done anything wrong. Why us, Gin?" Moka asked.

"The same thing that always happens. Just like Sai said, once the so called security committee got a taste of power, they started getting more and more corrupt." He said.

"Not my type of people. I stick to my morals." I said.

"The committee is just a sham now and they use force to get whatever they want. They're nothing but a bunch of thugs extorting cash from other students." He continued.

"Well then, we're just gonna have to kick their ass, goin' back-to-back crane style on this one!" I said, doing a crane stance.

"It's hard to believe a group as criminal as that would be allowed on campus." Moka said.

"An error I can correct." I said in my Kratos voice.

"As for why they're targeting us, the Yokai Gazette is becoming more and more popular, so I'm guessing our little paper is becoming a thorn in their side." Gin said.

"Oh, boohoo. They cross us, I'll give them an even bigger thorn in their side." I said, pulling out a thorn as big as the table I got when we fought the plant monsters.

"The guy's talking sense." Damion said, pointing at me.

"Yeah, between you, Sai, Damion and Moka, you guys are all S class and you could take that club down. Besides, if there is a club like that, isn't it our job as a Newspaper club to expose what they're doing?" Tsukune asked.

"Yeah, you hit the nail right on the head, Tsukune!" Yukari cheered.

"I don't like him, Gin, but the kid makes a point." I said.

"Yeah, that's right, all we need to do is keep hammering away at them with article after article!" Kurumu shouted.

Gin's face was dark and expressionless. "Gin, what is it?" Tsukune asked as Gin slammed his hand down on the stack of papers.

"We're not going to debate this anymore. All these papers are going in the incinerator and that's the end of it. Got it?" He said, about to storm out.

"To think I write articles about incineration and now they're going to be incinerated." I said.

"No, wait!" Tsukune said, turning to face Gin.

"But, Gin, we worked so hard on it." Moka said.

"How bad of guys could they be for you to give up on this club so easily?" Damion asked.

"You heard what I said." He responded.

"But it doesn't make any sense!" Kurumu argued.

"Just do what I said. That's an official club decision." He said, walking out.

"These guys must be bad if they can intimidate Gin: An S class monster." I said.

"Gin's a coward. We could take them on with no issue at all." Damion said.

"Still, let's not argue with him. Sai, why don't you and Kurumu get rid of the papers." Tsukune said as the rest of them left.

"Wait, no, don't leave me alone with her!" I pleaded, reaching back for them as she tackled me.

Later, at the incinerator…

We carried all the boxes out and Kurumu began crying. "Hey, Sai, let's just go hand these papers out right now." She said.

"We have to incinerate them. Gin's club president, so he tells us what to do." I said.

"Who cares? These newspapers. You don't realize how precious they are to me, Sai." She said, hugging them tightly and crying onto them.

"They're precious to me, too. We put in effort as a group and as friends to make these. Oh, dear gods, I almost made a friendship speech! Anyway, also, I put in a lot of hard work on the arson articles, too. I don't want to see them burned, but if these guys are as bad as Gin makes them sound it may not be a good idea to mess with them. At least until WE know who we're dealing with." I said.

"It's because I made them with you. They're something that you and I created together. The thought of having to burn what we created is just too much. I can't do it." She said, still crying.

I honestly felt bad enough to the point I wasn't gonna be an ass to her and I actually held her close. "I understand. But you need to understand as well. Damion, Moka or I could handle these chumps, but Gin, Mizore, Yukari and Tsukune, especially Tsukune, they'd make minced meat out of you. If I let Tsukune get killed by these guys, I'd have to answer to more heat than Bill Clinton after his scandal in the White House. And I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I let the rest of you guys get hurt. Any time an innocent gets hurt or killed on my watch, it's more than I can take. I remember there was a time when a demon attacked a woman and I couldn't save her, I cut one of my hands off for it." I said.

"Sai…" Kurumu said in disbelief, not knowing I actually cared.

Suddenly, we heard laughter behind us and turned to see the Super Newspaper Club, or at least the first 3 members, not Kato. "Oh, look, it's the 3 bitches, Hairy, Burly and Joe." I smirked, standing up and crossing my arms, the new badass fighting stance I created.

Suddenly, the first took weird handstand poses and started spinning. "Oh, Mistress!" The first one called.

"These two are still planning on passing out their crappy Newspaper to everyone." The next one snitched.

"Unleash your divine wrath upon them!" The last one suggested.

"Da fuq?! This anime is getting ridiculous." I said.

"You guys again!" Kurumu snapped.

"And who's this mistress?" I asked.

Suddenly, a strand of silk like the move String shot grabbed the papers in Kurumu's arms and yanked them away from her. They were then yanked back to Kato, who was standing on some type of Spider Web. "These papers weigh so little, I guess they really are light on content." She said.

"How dare you! I put in about as many words into my arson column as I do a chapter of this Fanfiction!" I snapped. She suddenly lowered herself down with more webbing, down to her subordinates who kneeled before her. "Huh. You know, I think you just solved my problem on what to do with Tsukune." I said.

"Good job, girls, thanks for keeping an eye on them." She said to the girls.

"We live to serve you, mistress!" They said at once.

"You HAVE to show me how to do that! I could FINALLY get Tsukune to stop his whining." I said.

"What the hell!? Why did you have them watching us?!" Kurumu demanded.

"That's an excellent question. And why do you want to make life in our club living hell?" I demanded, still having my arms crossed, now just turned sideways.

"You two are full of questions. I guess Ginei Morioka hasn't told you about it, has he?" She asked.

"He mentioned something about how you've got that pussy-ass disciplinary committee on your side, but not much more. For a News reporter, it's hard to get info from that guy." I said.

"How dare you insult the disciplinary committee! As for what he didn't tell you, it doesn't matter. From this point on you and your little newspaper club are done." She said.

"We'll just see about that. We'll also have to see if my kung-fu is stronger than your kung-fu!" I said, taking a fighting stance and waving my hand as a taunt to say 'come on'. "Probably is." I added.

"Our club is not done! And those are our papers so give them back!" Kurumu demanded.

Suddenly, she looked pissed. "What did you say?! Who exactly do you think you're talking to here you peon?!" She said, throwing our papers in a fire.

I looked, then growled and turned back at her. "She was talking to a bitch who needs to learn just how fucked she's made herself!" I snapped, then smirked. "Then again, whoever you're fucking in the Disciplinary Committee probably shows you that every night." I taunted.

"How dare you! I'm going to make you suffer!" She said, throwing off her school uniform to reveal a different black one, then turning into her monster form, a bunch of spider legs coming from her ribs.

"Just look how NOT intimidated I am." I said, still having my arms crossed. Then looked around for Kou to explain. "Hey, Kou, a little tip here, please?" I called out.

"Sorry! Kato here is actually a Gerogomo. A ginormous spider monster from Japanese folklore who can also take the form of a woman, whee~!" He said, then flew off.

"Those are our papers!" Kurumu said, going for them.

"Not anymore, they're gonna burn!" Hairy said (the black-haired one with red eyes) Said, grabbing her.

"They're gonna burn!" Burly (the orange haired one with shoulder-length hair and red eyes) said.

"Those are our mistress' orders!" Joe (the last one) said.

"Kurumu, it's too late now. Just take down her little appetizers! The main course is mine." I said in a twisted, crazy tone.

"So that's your true identity, huh?! I know who you serve, you're wearing their uniform!" She snapped.

"Well, well, it seems the one thing you are good at is digging up information, Ms. Reporter!" Kato said smugly. Then she put on an arm band.

"Da hell is 'at?" I asked.

"The security committee's arm band and our badge of pride. We keep order and preserve justice at this school." She said.

"Kinda hard to talk justice when you're a bunch of corrupt scumbags who bully others to get what you want and extort people for cash." I said.

"What he said! Your order and justice is all BS! You guys are low lives! And thugs!" Kurumu said, trying to resist.

Kato just got a stupid look on her face and started laughing. "You really need an attitude adjustment!" She said, firing a web at us. I dodged, but Kurumu and Kato's little bitches were trapped in the web.

"Kurumu!" I said, then turned back to her. "Let her go, bitch!" I demanded.

"What the hell is this?!" Kurumu demanded.

"There's no point is escaping!" Hairy said.

"Trust us, we know." Burly said.

"Our Mistress caught you just like she caught us." Joe said. It's important to say now, they were all in monster form. Dumb monster form that looked like butterflies or a praying mantis.

"If you're wondering who these girls are, they're members of former clubs that defied the security committee." Kato explained.

"I used to be a member of the classic literature club." Hairy said.

"I was in the Japanese tea ceremony club." Burly said.

"As for me, I was a member of the yaoi Manga club." Joe said. Then I incinerated her into permanent nothingness.

"YAOI MUST DIE!" I said, continuing to burn her, even though I basically destroyed every single atom of her. "Now, for you!" I said, pulling out my Deathstroke sword and rushing at her, but she jumped out of the way at the last minute and onto the web, crawling down to Kurumu.

"They were members of those clubs, but once I injected them with my venom, those stubborn girls became my faithful servants! And all it's going to take is a tiny bit of my venom." She said, continuing down towards Kurumu.

"No, stay away! I'd rather die than serve an 8 legged skank like you!" Kurumu said, struggling.

"Oh, how I love to trap prey in my web! All of you struggle and scream, but there's no escape!" Kato said, laughing.

Then, a strand of silk shot out and attached itself to Kato's ass. "What the?!" She demanded.

"Hey, dumbass camera guy, over here!" I said, waving until the camera turned back to me to reveal I had my own spider, an Ariados, which attached its string shot to Kato. "You do remember I was standing right here, right? I wasn't just gonna let you do what you want." I said, casually grabbing Ariados' string and gently yanking back, which was more than enough to yank her off the web and smash her into the ground. I then withdrew Ariados and took my fighting stance again. "If you're a member of the security club, it's no wonder you're such a dumb, arrogant bitch with a really, really, really stupid-looking monster form that would only scare an idiot like Tsukune." I said.

"How dare you, die!" She said, turning her face into its spider form and shooting a web out of her mouth at my wrist and trying to yank me back to her, but she couldn't even budge me.

"You must never have played Pokémon. Otherwise you'd know how screwed you are and you'd run. Fire Pokémon kick bug Pokémon's asses any day of the week." I said, grabbing the web and setting it on fire, going all the way back until it went into her mouth, catching it on fire, leaving her screaming and rolling on the ground to put it out. "You know, stop, drop and roll doesn't work when the flames are in your mouth.

She managed to put it out with enough webbing, but that wouldn't change the fact she was in too much pain to focus on the fight. However, Kurumu escaped the web at that moment and she became furious. "You cost me my prey, fire demon!" She snapped firing a web at me again, but once again, I caught it with my wrist. She was really stupid, she couldn't even remember what just barely happened.

"Ouch. Demon? I know it's true, but that's just harsh." I said, pretending to be offended, then smirked.

"You think you're hot shit with that fire power, but compared to Kuyo, the Security committee president, your power is nothing!" She said.

"Sounds like a challenge. Anyway, why should I care?" I asked.

"Because I'm about to prove how weak you really are." She said, yanking back on the string, but still couldn't budge me.

"It didn't work the first time you tried it either." I said, grabbing it and wrapping it around my arm more to reel her in. "Twine, twine the little thread. Twine, twine the little thread." I said, reeling her in more and more.

"Wait, can't we talk about this!? Stop it! Look, if you let me go, I won't report this to the security committee, I promise!" She said.

"No, by all means, go ahead and report it. Report how you faced a humiliating defeat to some nobody sophomore." I said confidently. Then I darkened my face into that leer I gave her earlier. "Know your place!" I said, lighting my fist on fire and uppercutting her into the air "Shoryuken!" I announced.

"That's for me!" Kurumu said, flying at her and slamming both feet into her back. This sent Kato flying into the web, turning it into a massive ball and trapping all 4 of them in it.

"You like webs so much; you can stay in that one until you rot." I said, turning my back to them and glaring over my right shoulder with my eyes glowing red, my new unique win pose.

"Sure, that'd be super. Right girls?" Kato said, dropping her head.

"This episodes fight was over in 117 seconds, whee~!" Kou said, flying off.

"That long, huh? We're losing our edge." I said, about to walk off, but then the group reconvened, minus Gin.

"Look at what they did to our papers!" Kurumu wept.

"I can't believe it. After we worked so hard." Moka said.

"And they burnt my arson articles!" I fake-wept.

"Bastards." Damion said, shaking in rage.

"We put so much of ourselves into these and they treated them like nothing." Mizore said sadly.

"I've made a decision!" Tsukune pitched up, drawing everyone's attention. "I know it means going against what Gin said, but at the Newspaper club, it's our duty! We have to expose the security committee!" He said.

(Hehe! He said "duty!") I laughed in my mind. But honestly, I was impressed at how Tsukune was being so assertive instead of a passive little bitch. "Alright, Tsukune, mannin' up! That's one more badass point for you. At this point, you have 2, Yukari has 25, Kurumu has 50 and Mizore has 100. As for Damion, Moka and I, we're tied at the moment… AT OVER 9,000!" I said, crushing my scouter in my hand, to which Damion laughed.

Damion then clapped his hands and chuckled. "It's about time you grew some balls. I mean come on even the girls have more than you and they've done all your fighting." He said.

"Tsukune…" Kurumu said.

"You guys don't have to do this, but I am!" He said.

"Me, too. I'm behind you, 100% Tsukune." Moka said.

"You can count on me as well!" Yukari pitched in, holding her wand above her head.

"You can add me in on it, too." Kurumu said.

"Well, who am I to argue with all of that? I'm in, too." Damion said.

"Sounds like fun!" I said, stepping up.

"The Newspaper club's main weapon is the power of the press, so let's show these creeps what we've got!" He said.

"I thought our main weapons were badassery and whatever I have in my trench coat." I said, pulling out the Blade of Olympus.

Later in the Security committee room…

"Kato was defeated?" Someone, presumably this Kuyo, asked.

"Yes, sir. And in a mere 117 seconds." Someone else answered.

"I suppose it's only to be expected. That fire demon is an S class monster." He said, then looked at Gin's student profile.

(Again with the demon…) I thought, being hidden in the poorly lit room by staying against the dark wall with my trench coat held in front of me. My clothes below my waist are black as well, so I was totally invisible.

"Still, that was foolish Newspaper club. It appears you've forgotten all the lessons we taught you last year." He said, burning Gin's profile.

(Oh, I got you motherfucker!) I said, looking down at my camera. I was getting all this info right under their noses. I'm such a badass. You all probably thought I was as crappy of a ninja as Hiryu, I actually CAN be silent when I need to.

"And there's you." He said, picking up Tukune's profile, from here I could see that his monster identity on the profile was 3 big question marks.

(Uh-oh.) I thought.

"Tsukune Aono, sir? Him?" The subordinate asked.

"It looks like we're in for the best show we've seen in some time." He said, starting to burn Tsukune's profile.

(… That can't be good.) I thought.


	15. Chapter 12: Shit just got real!

As I was snooping personally into the secrets of the Security committee, the rest of the group, along with a fire clone of myself (it's like one of Naruto's shadow clones, but with fire) was hunting after them to see if they could catch them in the act. First, they came across one of them punching a member of the track team in the face, sending him back to his friends.

"We're sorry, sir!" One of the others said, catching him.

"But we need more time! Please, just a little more!" The guy who got punched pleaded.

The member of the committee who punched the guy wiped the blood off his knuckles as he spoke. "But that's not what we agreed to. You were supposed to have that payment to me yesterday, my friend." He said.

"Man, this guys a douche." 'I' said, recording it as Yukari took photos.

"Yes, well, it's just that we had to buy new training equipment-" One of the track members said, but then the leader of the committee group raised his hand and the others closed in. "No, wait! I promise we'll get it to you!" He pleaded. Then the group began to kick the shit out of the team.

"We should help them, right?" 'I' asked.

"We can't expose ourselves!" Tsukune said.

"Not a problem for me." 'I' said, dressing up like a traditional ninja, so 'my' face was covered, then ran in and kicked their asses before leaving.

Later…

Some dude took a bite out of a burger as him and 2 friends, one being Saizou, were sitting on the roof, ditching class. "This is friggin' lame! I hate class." Saizou said.

"Good, man. Let's stay here and skip." The other one said.

"Yeah, that's some righteous thinkin' there man." The one with the burger said.

Suddenly, they heard a girl's voice. "Any student who slacks off better be prepared to feel the hammer of justice!" She said. They looked to see another group of the security committee with the red haired girl with the staff leading them.

"It's the security committee!" They all said in fear.

"Ah, dammit!" Saizou said.

"Let's get out of here!" The one with the burger said as they all turned and ran, only for the group to catch them and start beating the shit out of them.

"Are you seriously going to rescue Saizou?" Damion asked 'me', recording as Kurumu took pictures unseen from the roof.

"He gives me the sleeping pills so I can sleep through Nekonome's class, so yes." 'I' said, rushing in and saving them (by the way, I just remembered this: I watched a Rosario Vampire AMV of This is War and when it said that line "the leader, the pariah, the victim, the messiah, it showed Saziou when it said the messiah. We'd be FUCKED if that were true).

Later…

Tamao just got out of the swimming pool with the camera zoomed in on 'dat ass (I've been trying to find a situation to use that line). She began walking away as one big-ass member of the group stopped her and she quickly pulled out a packet of money from I don't know where and gave it to him.

"Where the hell was she keeping that?!" Damion asked.

"No clue, but I think I'm gonna leave this one alone. That guy is BIG." 'I' said.

Later, for no apparent reason, we were running and all of a sudden stopped in a bunch of different poses like we were about to rush in to some serious shit. "And so it went, the Newspaper clubs investigation into the nefarious dealings of the security committee was proceeding at a rapid pace, whee~!" Kou said, flying off.

"Damn, that must've been one of his longest lines in this show." 'I' said.

Later in the Newspaper club room after the title screen…

Tsukune threw down another picture of a student regretfully handing over money to the security committee. "Those creeps are getting away with whatever they want!" Moka said.

"At this point, what we really lack is a direct testimony from the victims themselves." Tsukune said, crossing his arms.

"We have everything they've been doing on picture AND video." 'I' said.

"But everyone is scared shitless by the shithead committee and won't come out to testify." Damion said.

"Right! We keep asking people but no one will answer our questions!" Yukari said.

"Yeah, it's like everyone's terrified of retribution." Kurumu said.

I (the real thing) came through the door at that point with another video camera as the clone faded away, to which everyone, minus Damion, freaked out about. "I've got good news and bad news. Good news, I got more dirt on the Security Committee and found out what Gin didn't tell us: They killed last year's Newspaper Club, minus Gin, who they left alive for this purpose. Bad news: They're starting their own little investigation on YOU, Tsukune." I said, holding out the camera and showing him the video I took at the end of the last chapter.

"Oh, crap! I'm toast!" He said, freaking out.

"Not if we finish our investigation before they finish theirs." Damion said. "We've got more on them then they do on you, but we risk them catching you, Tsukune. Your best option is to keep a low profile at school at all times. If your cover is blown, you run like hell. Me or Sai will be around to back you up if there's trouble." He finished.

"Wow. Thanks Damion." Tsukune said, looking at him admirably, like he did with Gin when the latter was the only one who believed he wasn't peeping before framing him.

"Don't think this makes us friends or anything, I'll still kill you where you stand." Damion said.

I laughed. "Classic Damion." I said.

"What are you guys talking about?" Kurumu asked.

"You remember nothing." I said, doing the Vulcan Neck Pinch on her.

"I think I found some." Mizore said, popping out from under the table, once again, surprising everyone.

"You ever thought about taking Ninjitsu? You could be an awesome ninja." I said to her.

"Mizore, when did you get in here?" Damion asked, still somewhat freaked out.

"Call me your snow bunny. I'd love that." She said, turning from him, blushing and cupping her face.

"Wait, you said you found some. Some what?" Moka asked.

"What were we just talking about?" I asked sarcastically.

"I found some informants." She said.

Flashback…

The annoying-ass "vampire fan club" (Damion deadpanned) was fawning in the hallway over pictures of MOSTLY Inner Moka, but some of the regular Moka and Damion as well. "I found a club that could never pay. A club that looked like it could go under at any minute. So I reached out to them." She said, in the flashback there was a cold chill for the club and they looked to the source to see Mizore stalking them.

"Hey, who's that girl over there, huh?" The fat one asked, creeped out.

"Beats me, but she looks pretty hot." The tall one said, then shivered in fear (Damion looked like he was about to kill him).

"For some reason I feel a REALLY bad chill in here." The tall one said as they quickly escaped.

Later, they were walking down the walkway, still feeling the chill. "Yo guys, that girl's still looking at us, isn't she?" The tall one asked.

"I don't even have to check, I can tell she is by this chill." The fat one said.

"Hey guys." She said suddenly, scaring them. She then popped out from around a pillar, looking like she was emitting her monster energy. "I need you to tell me what you know about the security committee." She said.

They immediately turned to face her and freaked out, waving their hands as a symbol to stop. "Whaddya mean?! We don't know nothing about those dudes!" The leader said.

"Yeah! I don't know no dudes!" The fat one said (Why does that sound familiar?).

"You guys better be telling the truth," She said, stepping out from behind the pillar. "Because if I find out you're lying to me, I'll stalk you for the rest of your life. And then I'll freeze you solid." She said, her eyes hidden by her hair, when suddenly, the right one lit up, looking like one of Raiden's eyes, then she froze the entire area.

"Oh, man, this chick is scary as hell!" The tall one said.

"Don't freeze us, we're begging you!" The leader pleaded, but she did.

End flashback…

"That's basically the long and short of it." She said.

"Good work, my little snow bunny." Damion said, grabbing her around the waist and lifting her into the air, spinning around, then holding her close.

"Get a room." I said, before being frozen solid.

"Okay then." Tsukune said with an expression I can't describe.

"Great job, Mizore, way to go." Moka congratulated.

"Those creeps may think it's fine when they're doing the stalking, but it seems they don't like it so much when the shoe's on the other foot, huh?" Yukari said.

Later…

We arrived at the door to the Vampire Fan club and Damion deadpanned once again. "All of a sudden, I'm ashamed to be a vampire." He said, hitting his head against a wall.

"Now, now, there are plenty of good reasons to be a vampire and worse reasons to be ashamed of being one. Like Twilight. That's why I'd hate being a vampire, because people would compare me to that." I said, trying to be supportive, then looked at Mizore. "Oh, I meant to say this before you froze me, but have you ever seen the Disney movie Frozen? I haven't seen it, but I'm hearing only good things about it and some of the songs I've heard from it are catchy, but anyway, you should check that out, you might like it. I'm honestly surprised that there's so many fanfictions about it on this site already and they haven't made one with you in it." I said, then she froze me again.

The rest of the group opened the door and popped their heads in. "Excuse us, sorry to barge in on you like this." Tsukune said.

"Could we maybe borrow your ear for a moment?" Moka asked.

"Here you go." I said, ripping one of mine off and handing it to her as the ear instantly regenerated on my head.

We were all shocked when we actually looked at the club room to see so many creepy pictures, action figures, posters and cut outs of the girls and Damion. "Sai, remind me to kill them after this." Damion said, which I wrote down in my notepad.

"We're really busy here, what do you people want?" One of the members asked, although none of them were the original 3 members.

"They'll be busy at the morgue with 3 new bodies if you keep up the attitude, bitch." I said, making my hands catch fire.

"We're looking for the fan club coalition guys; you wouldn't happen to know where they are, would you?" Tsukune asked passively, scratching the back of his head.

"Tsukune, stop being such a little bitch." Damion snapped.

"If you wanna find them, the security committee just came here." The snippy one said.

Suddenly, the one that kind of looked like the tall one who was just observing a doll of (Outer) Moka, perked up and looked at him. "Hey, shut up!" He said frantically.

The first one freaked out, then made it look like he was polishing off his camera. "Sorry, we don't know anything." He said.

"You tell us the truth!" Yukari demanded, getting in their faces along with Moka and Kurumu.

"Wait, what did you just say?!" Moka asked.

"Come on, what are you hiding?!" Kurumu demanded.

The three backed up, only to run into me and Damion. "Telling the truth may not be easy, however…" Damion said in a scary tone.

"Dying is." I said in an even scarier tone and they turned around to see me and Damion ready to attack, Damion releasing an overly-intimidating amount of monster aura and me having an enormous fire aura around me, both of us with red eyes that looked like Sharingan.

"Okay, okay! The security committee took them away! Please don't hurt us!" The snippy one pleaded.

"Thank you for your consideration." I said with a slight bow, then we all walked out.

"That was a line from the Hunger Games, wasn't it?" Damion asked.

"Love Katniss. She was pretty badass in that movie." I said, nodding.

Later, at the security committee room…

Kuyo was relaxing or meditating or something when the member with glasses walked in. "Sorry for disturbing you, sir." He said, walking in and closing the door behind him.

"Well, what is it?" Kuyo asked.

"It's about those clowns we carded off to keep their mouths shut. They had some interesting information to share." The glasses guy said.

"Oh, they did? Please, do tell." Kuyo asked.

It then changed from night and day. "And now it's morning! In the biz, we call this passage of time, whee~!" Kou said, flying off.

Tsukune was slowly and tiredly making his way to school when Moka, Damion and I came up to him, a pot of coffee in my hand. "Good morning, Tsukune!" Moka said. She suddenly saw how tired he was and had a little anime shock for a second, then blushed with her eyes big and black (she looks so cute like that). "Hey, what's the matter? You look really tired." She said.

"Oh, yeah. The investigation: I started thinking about where we should take it from here and I guess I couldn't get to sleep." He said.

"Oh, boohoo, get over it. We'll be able to print the paper finally exposing them after this and then everything will be back to normal. And you don't see me whining about not getting enough sleep." I said, drinking from the pot of coffee.

"Says the demon that doesn't need sleep and who is downing an entire pot of coffee on his own." Damion said.

"Says the vampire who needed to shoot up with adrenaline this morning." I countered.

"Hey, Tsukune?" Moka said, drawing all of our attentions. "You know, compared to how you were when you first started school here, somehow I feel like you're a lot manlier than you used to be." She said.

"I'm sure it's just your imagination. It has to be." I said.

"And if he has manned up at all, it's been because of our training." Damion said.

Flashback…

"Alright, Tsukune; this time, the gloves are off. If you fail this dodge training, you're going to die." I said, looking at my various Pokémon lined up and Damion, who was standing by with his elemental magic, then signaled for them to fire. Tsukune was now running left and right in a desperate attempt to dodge my fireballs, Damion's various elemental attacks and my Pokémon's hyper beams.

Back to now…

Moka then got ready to drink his blood after a little bit of fawning, when suddenly. "Kurumu kick!" Kurumu announced, doing some kind of spinning drill kick with both legs to Moka's back.

"Hey, what the hell was that for, Kurumu?" Moka pouted as Tsukune was freaking out and Damion and I were trying to stand between the two girls.

"We're gonna be busy all day long so don't you go sucking him dry do you hear me?!" She demanded, then grabbed me and pulled my head into her boobs. "Then again, my Sai would be able to take over any work Tsukune could do." She said.

(My life… Flashing before my eyes…) I thought as I was dying from suffocation. (Heh heh! I remember that, that was funny!) I thought.

"*muffled* Kaioken times 4!" I announced, powering up.

"Times what- eek!" She squealed and screamed as she was sent flying by my power

"Hey, let's just cool off and get back to work!" Yukari said, grabbing one of my arms.

"Yeah, I'll find more people I can stalk into submission." Mizore said, grabbing Damion's arm.

"Yeah, let's go!" Moka said, perking up and grabbing my other arm.

Meanwhile, on the roof…

Gin was once against spying on girls with his camera, singing a little song. "Oh, what'll it be? Seeing girls, taking off their clothes. Taking off their-" He sang, then noticed Kuyo and a large group of the security committee. "It's him." He said dreadfully.

We were in class and I was about to doze off when the door opened and the group Gin was just observing walked in. "Oh, no, it's them." Moka said.

"What are they doing here?!" Kurumu said in fear.

"Looks like class is about to get more exciting." I said.

"Yeah, this is gonna be good." Damion said, waiting for them.

"Um… We're in the middle of class right now. What can I do for you?" Ms. Nekonome asked.

"There's no need to worry." The glasses guy said, raising his hand like he was a Jedi.

"It won't take but a moment." The redhead girl said.

"Got that right." I said under my breath.

Kuyo then walked up from out of the crowd directly to Tsukune. "Tsukune Aono." He said.

"Y-yes?" Tsukune asked.

"As of right now, you are under suspicion of being a human." He said, shocking everyone. "Therefore, you will be undergoing a Security Committee inquest." He said.

(Oh, shit.) I thought. "Hold on a minute here, that's physically impossible. Humans can't get into the school because of the magic barrier, correct?" I asked.

"Yeah and by now, if there was a human here, there's no way it would go unnoticed." Damion said.

"Exactly!" Moka said, standing up.

"Yeah, there's no way a human could even be at this school!" Kurumu said.

"Silence!" He snapped, glaring at us, giving off a monster energy that rivaled Inner Moka's.

"Is that supposed to intimidate us?" I asked.

He glared at me, then grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and lifted me into the air. "I said silence! And depending on the circumstances, you 5 are just as guilty. Sai Blade, Moka Akashiya, Damion Castro, Kurumu Kurono and Mizore Shirayuki. Gather your things. You're coming, too." He said.

"First off, put me down if you value your life. Second, I'm no human. Could a human do this?!" I demanded, making fire from both of my hands, causing him to drop me and step back in shock. (Luckily, he must not know a lot about humans. A few of them CAN do that.) I thought to myself.

"And no human has this much power." Damion said, releasing a quarter of his monster energy, rivaling Kuyo's.

"Very well. You are both cleared of charges, but you are still coming with us for questioning." He said. We were then handcuffed and led off to the gods know where.

"You'll never take us alive!" I shouted.

"They just did." Damion deadpanned.

"It's a figure of speech." I said, rolling my eyes.

"Now then, why don't we just break out and take them all down now?" He asked.

"The first rule of the ninja is to assess every situation and find the most effective way to dispatch your foe with the least amount of collateral damage. If we fight all of them here and now, we'd rip this entire school apart." I told him.

"And the other Newspaper club members?" Kuyo asked the one with glasses, I guess none of them were paying attention to Damion and I.

"That would be 10th grader Yukari Sendo and 11th grader Ginei Morioka, sir." He replied.

"Ginei Morioka, huh? It's been quite some time since we've seen that nuisance." Kuyo said.

"Shall I have him arrested, sir?" He asked.

"Leave him be. As long as he hasn't forgotten last year, I doubt he'll raise a hand against us." Kuyo said, smugly.

"I'm gonna stick to the plan, but this guy is making me want to rip his face off and make him eat it." I growled.

Yukari then popped out of a corner behind us a ways. "If I'm gonna save everybody, this is my only chance." She said to herself. "HEY!" She called out, but was pulled back behind the corner by Gin.

"Stay back!" He said as he pulled her in.

"Gin, what are you doing?" She asked.

"There's way too many of them, what good could you do by yourself, huh?" He asked.

"Stop it, I have to go help them!" She said, pulling away, but still stayed facing him. "Please, if I don't go save them right now, they'll be-" She started.

He crouched down and put his hands on her shoulders. "We've gotta hold back for now, okay?" He said. She started to cry and he hugged her. "I warned you. I tried." He said.

"Don't worry, I've got a plan." 'I' said, walking around a corner.

"Sai?! What the hell, we saw them take you away!" Gin said, freaking out.

"Once again, it's a fire clone of me. Yes, the real me is being led away, but he has a plan to wipe out most of the security committee. For now, we wait." 'I' said, leading them back to the Newspaper club room.

Back with us…

We were led to some Japanese Samurai temple thing and (supposedly) trapped in different rooms. "No, I'm not a human!" Tsukune shouted. "Where are the others?! I want to know where you dragged them off to!" He demanded.

"You don't need to worry about them; they're not being harmed in any way." Kuyo said, relieving Tsukune. "Not yet." He smirked arrogantly. Tsukune stood up and tried to attack, but was easily restrained. "Calm down. They're in custody like everybody else. They're probably being questioned." He said in an assuring tone.

"Wait, what?! Everybody else, who!?" Tsukune asked.

He then showed him an image of the other people they had captured and talked to. "Yeah, there's no doubt about it that dude smells like a human, all right. I mean, I sit in the seat right across from him, that guy has always smelled weird and I thought so from the first time I laid eyes on him." Saizou said. He had that little black bar over his eyes, but it was still obvious who it was.

It then cut somehow to Kotsubo (Didn't I kill him?). "Tsukune? Well as far as athletes go, he's pretty much the worst I've ever seen (Ha! Diss!). And I have to admit, he's such a weakling, it would make sense if he's a human." He said.

It then cut to some random kid from our class who was so far unidentified. "well, he definitely has a human-like scent. Everybody knows about it." He said.

Then we cut to a random, unidentified girl from our class. "Moka is always kissing him on the neck." She said.

Then it cut to some unidentified nerd who stood up out of his chair right in front of the camera. "That guy reeks." He said.

Another unidentified girl. "I thought he was sort of weird sometimes." She said.

Another unidentified guy who looked pissed, standing up and was literally right in front of the camera, maybe an inch away. "And he smells awful!" He said (Whatever, can we just cut to the important people, or at least someone we know?!).

We then cut to Tamao (Thank you). "You know, now that you mention it, he never once tried to change into his monster form to try and save Moka and his friends when they were in serious danger." She said (That's because I was doing most of the work).

Now we cut to Ririko, who was fidgeting excitedly like she was trying to keep herself from getting aroused (Ugh). "Mr. Aono? Oh, yes, he had a delicious scent, all right. He smells exactly like a human." She said.

Kuyo then turned off the fire images playing from his hand. "The writing's on the wall. No matter who's testimony we listen to, they all lead to the assertion that you're human." Kuyo said. "Including all of the people you call your friends." He said, playing Kurumu's interrogation.

"Are you really going to sit there and tell me you don't believe that your friend is a human?" The guy with glasses asked.

"Of course I don't believe it!" She snapped, leaning forward.

"And what makes you so certain?" He asked.

That stopped her. "Uh… Well, for one thing, a human being could never get into Yokai Academy." She said.

"Very well. Then surely you must know what kind of monster he is, right?" He continued.

"No, I haven't." She said.

"Never, you've never seen it? Not once?" He continued.

"Well, it's just-" She said, but then it cut to Mizore's interrogation.

"But that's a school rule, we're not supposed to reveal our monster identities without a good reason." She said.

"Well, yes, you're certainly right about that." The girl with the stick said.

"Well then it just means Tsukune has been really good about following the rules!" Mizore said, leaning forward.

"Well, I suppose that is one possibility, but not turning into your monster form, even when your good friends are in serious trouble? Come on, do you really buy that?" The girl said, giving Mizore a cocky smile the whole time (I'm starting to reconsider leaving her alive for that cameo she makes in the next season, I may just kill her after all).

"Just what are you saying?" Mizore asked.

"Well, I'm saying your friend is a spineless, cowardly, lily-livered excuse for a man." She replied, still smiling (Never mind).

"He's not, Tsukune's not a-." She started. Then it cut to Moka's interrogation.

"We know everything. We know all about how you've been sucking his blood. Vampires… They love human blood, don't they?" The tall dude asked. "Therefore, logic dictates he's a human!" He snapped.

"No, you're wrong! I suck his blood because... Because it's delicious! It's not 'cause he's human or anything!" She said, at first leaning forward, then withdrawing herself.

It then cut to Damion's interrogation. "If you want any info outta me, then you jerk offs are gonna have to beat me til I'm bloody or you guys can let us go, let us continue on with our lives, and stay the fuck away from the newspaper club. Because once we get the hell outta here Sai and I are going make regret ever showing your ugly, smug faces around here again. Especially me, if you've done anything to Moka, Kurumu, Yukari, Mizore, and Sai. I could give two fucks less about Tsukune's retarded ass. He's a stronger monster than me or Sai. That is all you jackasses are gonna get. Now fuck off."

"Really? Well, perhaps we could get you to change your mind." The interrogator said, putting a glass of water down on the table, just as Moka's interrogator did (Kuyo now had a picture for Moka, Damion and now me).

Then, they jumped to my interrogation. Another big guy smashed me in the side of the face, causing me to cough up blood. "Is that all you got, princess?" I coughed, then he repeatedly smashed his fist into my stomach.

"No, stop it! And don't hurt Moka or Damion!" Tsukune snapped.

"Well, if he isn't a human, what's his monster form?" My interrogator asked.

"He… Doesn't… Have one. But that means nothing. I don't have one either. Neither does Damion, nor do witches. Who says you need a monster form to be a monster?" I asked, then pulled out my phone. "Sorry the screen's a little small, but I wasn't dropping $500 on a Smartphone that isn't much bigger." I said, putting up a video. "But can a human do that?" I asked, showing an image of Tsukune firing a (rather pathetic) Masenko. It was a rough attempt, but it saved his ass from a large fireball.

They looked at it for a moment, then looked back at me and uppercutted me out of the chair. "Nice try, but we've seen Dragon Ball Z. So humans CAN do that." He said, tossing my phone to me.

I caught it just before it hit the ground. "Tsukune doesn't have a monster form, but even if he did, he wouldn't need it. None of us stand a chance against his true power. You're lucky he restrains it." I said, then looked at the screen. "And Tsukune, I can't believe you're falling for this. It's an illusion. We're all in the same room right now. I'm right in front of you and everyone else is right behind you." I explained.

Kuyo growled, but broke the illusion and started attacking me. "You're going to die, you little pest!" He growled, repeatedly slamming me into walls.

"Oh, that feels great! I needed a massage!" I said, but then he threw me up against a wall along with both vampires and grabbed fire hoses. "Oh, this ain't gonna be good." I said. That was MOSTLY sarcastic, but I would have to admit I was having a hard time thinking of a way to get me AND the vampires out of trouble.

"No, wait! Stop it! I admit it, I'm a human!" Tsukune said, to which Kuyo threw his head back in maniacal laughter.

"Dammit, Tsukune, I almost had a plan!" I snapped, but then they continued to beat me in order to stop me from doing anything. It was pointless, as I regenerated the instant after each attack, but it WAS stopping me from doing anything.

Everyone else was shocked, but left quickly after they were released. The only ones who stayed were myself, Moka and Tsukune. I don't know why Damion left, but oh well. "Moka Akashiya, you knew the truth this whole time and you refused to tell anyone. You're as guilty as he is. Lock her up in the special cell." Kuyo ordered. "As for you, Tsukune Aono, you are found guilty as charged. The punishment is death." He said.

I sighed, then forced the Security members back and stood up. "Can't let you do that, Kuyo." I said.

"Why do you care? He's a pathetic human, you're a monster. He is your enemy." He said.

"You may be right about one thing: he is pathetic. But those so called 'pathetic humans' are not my enemies. And as much as I'd love to leave Tsukune to you, I'm a Death Scythe, if I didn't raise a hand to stop a human's execution, I'd be an outcast amongst the DWMA." I told him.

"So you mean to stop us as well? Take him away. Chain him up somewhere out of the way. Nowhere near Moka." He said.

A large group of them then grabbed me and dragged me away. "You'll never take me alive!" I said, pretending to struggle. (The plan is working out just as I had imagined). I thought.

Back in the Newspaper club room…

"Dammit!" Gin said, slamming his fist against the blackboard. "I tried to warn you guys. I told you not to go messing with them." He said.

Suddenly, the door opened and everyone came in. "Kurumu! Mizore! Damion!" Yukari called cheerfully.

"I can't believe you guys got out of there alright!" Gin said happily.

"I'm so happy you're okay. Hey, where's Tsukune, Sai and Moka?" Yukari asked.

"What the hell!? Didn't they keep you down there, how is he right there?!" Damion said, freaking out.

"You're still falling for the fire clone? How hard can this be? I go from albino to orange tan. Not that hard to pick up on." 'I' said.

"Everything they said is true." Kurumu said.

"Tsukune's a human and Moka and Sai knew all along." Mizore said.

"That's why they're keeping Moka locked up. Sai, too, or else he'd try to stop them." Damion said.

"No way, it can't be!" Gin said.

"It's gotta be a lie! The fact that Tsukune is some human is just wrong!" Yukari said.

"It's true. I knew all along as well. Nothing we can say could change it." Damion said.

"I guess it does make sense. He was always pretty bumble-y for a monster, I always thought something was up." Gin said.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, no it's time to make a plan." Damion said.

"I'm already working on it from the inside. The plan is, now that he's captured, the security committee has divided into 2 quarters and a half. One quarter is guarding Sai's corridor to ensure there's no way to escape. The other quarter is doing the same thing for Moka, spread all throughout the hallway/dungeon whatever –the-hell-it-is, just like Sai's. He will take out the ones guarding him and meet you guys at Moka's cell, maybe sooner. Meanwhile, I'm going to cause trouble with the other half of the committee to prolong the inevitable. Ready? Break!" 'I' said, walking out.

"You heard the clone. Let's go." Damion said as they walked out.

"Attention, students! From this moment, we will begin the public execution of Tsukune Aono, the human who infiltrated our school." Kuyo announced.

'I' perched in a tree, watching the event, looking where to strike. While most of the crowd was in fact enraged at the fact Tsukune was actually a human, some actually seemed against the idea, sympathetic and even sad. "Yeah, even so… I mean, I hate humans as much as the next guy, but don't you think death's a bit much?" One guy with red hair asked his buddy.

(When the devil is too busy~ And death's a bit too much~ They call on me~ By name you see~ For my special touch~) 'I' sang in my head.

"I think so, yeah. To tell you the truth, back when I was going to that human school, I had plenty of friends there." The other guy said.

"Me, too. This whole thing is going too far." The first one said, but then they were knocked out by a neck chop from the asshole in glasses.

(First target, confirmed.) 'I' thought, rushing in and killing him, alerting the rest of the committee. "Can't we all just be friends- NO WE CAN'T!" He laughed, throwing a bunch of rocks at the committee.

"The human's execution will have to wait. First, deal with that nuisance!" Kuyo ordered as the rest of the committee attacked.

(Perfect.) I thought, rushing off as they gave chase.

(Can Sai escape, get the others and save Tsukune in time? Will they be able to defeat Kuyo? How will he do it?! Stay tuned for the next chapter!)


	16. The Most Badass Chapter EVER!

Things were indeed looking bad for us. Also, Ms. Nekonome was having no luck as well. After seeing the director like she was told before she was allowed to do anything she was told… "What?! You're telling me not to do anything at all?! But Mr. Director!" She pleaded.

"My decision is made." The old director said. Now that we get a good look at him, he was the same person who dropped the flyer that Tsukune's drunk-ass father picked up while presumably trying to tap 'dat ass, probably thinking that it was a girl.

"But sir! What about poor Mr. Aono?!" She asked, jumping from one foot to the other.

"Assuming he is indeed put to death as it seems he will be at this point, it would mean that it's his fate to die this time." He said, chuckling (Wow, what an asshole).

"You can't mean that…" She said, shocked, then dropped her head.

Outside…

Tsukune was hung up as if he were crucified, but the security committee was still a long ways away from burning him as they still couldn't catch 'me'. "I may not be drunk enough for this." 'I' said, dodging their attacks Gangnam Style.

Meanwhile, in the dungeon…

I was chained up, much like how Tsukune was, except not on a post, just chains on each arm, singing to myself to pass the time and annoy the guards.

"Shut the hell up!" The guards shouted at me as I continued singing "Let it go" from Frozen.

"Okay, maybe I'll try a different number." I said, switching to "What makes you beautiful" by One Direction (Yes, I like that song, don't hate).

"I'm gonna kick your ass if you keep that up!" One of the guards snapped after, from the sound of it, having his ass handed to him in an argument on his phone with his girlfriend.

"You're having girl problems, aren't you? Well, I feel bad for you, son~ I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one~." I sang

"One more time, I swear to god!" He shouted.

"Ooh, hey, this fits the situation so much better." I said, then sang Moses' lines from "Let My People Go" from the Disney movie: Prince of Egypt.

"Shut up!" The other guard shouted.

"And now, one of my little sister's favorites." I said, singing "Call Me Maybe" By Carly Rae Jepsen.

"You ready to get him?" The first guard asked the second.

"I've been waiting for it."

"Hey there, you dumb-ass guards, I bet you fight bad~. I bet you fight bad~. Bet I could kick. Your. Ass~." I said, still to the rhythm of Call Me Maybe.

"That does it!" They said, rushing in.

(Fools.) I said, turning into my weapon form, falling to the ground.

They entered and looked around, but couldn't find me. "He's gone… Jeez, what is this guy?" The first guard asked, turning to leave, but then I returned to my normal form behind them.

"Your worst nightmare." I said evilly. They slowly turned around and screamed.

*wapsshk!* *Pop!* *Bow!*

I then walked out of the cell and unlocked the door. "Hey, I just met you. And this is crazy. But I kicked your ass. And killed you, maybe." I sang, exiting the door. I slowly rounded the corner, seeing the big guy there. I tried the Vulcan Neck Pinch, but it didn't work.

"What the hell are you doing?" He asked.

"The Vulcan Neck Pinch?" I said unsure.

He then grumbled and shook his head. "No, no, no, stupid. You got it much too high; it's down here where the shoulder meets the neck." He said, pointing to where I should pinch. I had my hand at the middle of his neck.

"Like THIS!" I said, pinching in the right spot.

"Yeah." He chuckled, then passed out.

There was yet another guard not too much further down in the middle of the hall. I pulled out Fire and Ice and tapped him on the right shoulder with Ice. "Knock, knock." I said, then slid around his left side, now I front of him, pointing Fire in his face (For future reference: Fire=Left hand, Ice=Right hand).

He then turned around and freaked out to see what was going on. "Holy crap!" He said, then I shot him.

"Well, now you'll never get a headache again." I said.

[Because you blew it off.] My smart thought voice said.

Yeah, fuck those guys! The idiot thought voice said.

"I thought I repressed you guys by now." I said.

[It's physically impossible to repress yourself.]

Yep! You're stuck with us!

"Whatever, with Damion not around, I need someone else to talk to so I don't go insane." I said, walking down the hall, spinning Fire and Ice the same way Bayonetta would. I then encountered another one with his back turned to me, so I slid between his legs on my back and aimed to sub-machine guns in his face.

"Oh, shit!" He screamed, then I loaded him up with bullets, blowing off his arms and legs and keeping his body in the air until the guns ran out of bullets.

"You know what's really cool?" I asked, to which me and my head voices all agreed.

"[That.]"

I then spotted the door to the exit of my corridor of the dungeon and found one final guard in front of it. I took the clip out of Fire and tossed it to him. "Catch." I said.

He fumbled with it for a minute, but then aimed it at me, but it didn't work when he fired it. Then I shot him in the face with Ice. "And then there were none." I said, kicking the door down.

Back at the courtyard…

The other members of the committee were STILL chasing my clone, unable to catch him, but Kuyo stood by the crucified Tsukune to ensure no escape.

"Promise me something." Tsukune said. "After you're done killing me, you promise not to hurt anyone else in the Newspaper club." He said.

"For a wretched human, that's a remarkably noble sentiment, my friend." Kuyo said, turning his head away from Tsukune. "Very well. Never let it be said that I'm not without mercy." He said.

"So, will you?" Tsukune asked.

"Yes. You needn't worry about your friends in the Newspaper club suffering at all." He said, then gained an evil smirk. "Their deaths will be quick and painless." He said, laughing.

"Please, I'm begging you, no!" Tsukune shouted, finally starting to struggle.

'I' popped up in front of Kuyo at that moment and kicked him in the balls, then bitch-slapped him in the face as he doubled over, knocking him to the ground. "That's for being a total douche!" 'I' said.

"Sai, it's you!" Tsukune said.

"I've been running around like this for a half hour, you didn't notice before that? Too much heat can't get you down yet, give me a sec." 'I' said, running away from the advancing security committee.

Back in the corridors…

"It's called the Wilhelm scream, dude. It's like the one in Star Wars when the Stormtrooper falls." One of the guards said to his friend.

"Oh, yeah, I love that scream, it's kind of like-." The other one said, trying to do the infamous scream, but failed.

"No, no, it's more like-." The first one said, trying it and was closer, but still no cigar.

"No, that wasn't quite it either." The other one said. Suddenly, dark fire shot out from nowhere and killed the first one, making him do the scream perfectly. "That was totally it!" He said, but then he was killed and did the scream himself.

"Yeah, that felt like a lesson." Damion said. The Newspaper club then continued down the corridor and encountered another one of the guards, who stopped them. "Intruders! You may not pass!" He snapped, getting ready to attack.

Suddenly, a fireball came from nowhere and obliterated his skull, leaving his body headless. As it fell back, I walked up behind him and held him up; making it look like my head was on his shoulders. "You may pass. And I apologize for my earlier rudeness." I said in his voice, then threw his body away.

"Okay, that was funny!" Gin laughed.

"A little evil, though." Yukari said.

"Good to see you." Damion said.

"Likewise." I said, then noticed Ruby had casted a slow-ass spell to attack the guard, but now it decided to launch… right into my chest.

"Not the way I expected to greet a friend you haven't seen in a while, but I keep an open mind." I said, pulling out the various raven wings.

"So, what are we looking at?" Damion asked.

"Just 3 more guards." I said, then threw a massive fireball the width of the hallway down the corridor, then turning back to face them. "Okay, 2." I corrected as it killed the first one and kept going. "Okay, none." I said, going down the hallway.

"So this is what happens when Sai comes up with his own story." Yukari said.

"Pure. Unadulterated. Close-to-evil. BADASS." I smirked.

"Alright, time for some shameless cross-promotion. Gin, let's kick in this door." Damion said as he and the werewolf prepared to so.

"Yeah. Kurumu, play the song." I told her.

"I… Forgot it." She said.

"What do you mean, you forgot the song?!" I asked, she started to load it up, but that would take too long. "No, no, screw it! Screw it, just- Just take my phone and hit random. Just hit random. In 3…2…" I said, handing her my phone.

They burst the door open as Kurumu hit random and played "I'm a bitch, I'm a lover" and I whipped out Fire and Ice and fired at the security members in slow motion. Luckily for us, they were close together, so it was easy to peg them all. I shot them in non-kill shot areas, though, leaving them all injured in one big cluster on the floor. "Alright, turn it off, turn it off. It didn't work. It DID NOT work." I said, putting my guns away.

Aww! Why didn't you waste them?!

[So we could say a badass line in our badass trailer voice.]

"In a world where dipshits get killed with hammers…" I said, pulling out a big-ass sledgehammer and smashing them all. "I will always remember this moment." I said, shouldering the hammer.

"Man, looks like our Newspaper's gonna need an obituary section." Gin said.

"I'd be more than happy to write and supply for that article." I said.

"Let's just get Moka." Damion said.

"Huh? Oh, right. Ghost Rider rip-off." I said, walking up to Moka's cell, putting my hand in front of it and moving it in front of the bars, melting them to the point they couldn't hold themselves and just fell apart. "Like a BOSS." I smirked.

"I can't believe all you guys came!" Moka said.

"Yep and all this action made me come in more than one way." I joked.

"Ew…" Damion and Gin said at the same time.

"Let's just get out of here so we can save, Tsukune, okay?" ruby said, popping up from nowhere.

"Right. That pussy is dead without us and my clone is probably getting tired by now. Should've got one of the Alphas from Dead or Alive, but oh well." I said.

Outside…

"Lazy ninja style!" My clone said, fighting similar to Kakashi… In other words, hardly even trying, but still kicking ass. However, in the end, they finally wore him down and defeated him.

"Now that the pest is dealt with we may execute the human!" Kuyo said.

"Can't let you do that, Kuyo." I said as we all ran in. Ruby and Kurumu quickly flew in and saved Tsukune. "Alright, here's the plan: You guys all get up to the roof to keep the bitch-ass safe and get ready for the final showdown and I'll deal with the security club bitches. Just be sure to read this chapter when it's finished so you can see how badass I was." I said.

"Right!" They all said and went up to the roof.

"You've interfered enough! KILL HIM!" Kuyo shouted as every member of the security committee except for him came at me.

Hell yeah! Come at us, bros!

[Shit just got real!]

"Time for more TFS references!" I said, cracking my knuckles, powering up and making rocks go flying everywhere.

"What are you doing?!" One of the members asked.

"I'm about to rock you… Like a hurricane." I said as the song began to play.

"I love that song!" They all cheered until they were buried underneath all the rocks and crushed. "But did either of us truly win? ...Yep! Me." I said, jumping up to the roof.

"That didn't take long." Damion said.

"My favorite part was when I killed them. All single-handedly like. Though I'd probably feel better about it if they hadn't been such PUSSIES." I said.

"Thanks, guys. I really thought I was a goner back there." Tsukune said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"You should be with all that stuff." Damion said.

"Well, now you're a goner up here!" Kuyo said, appearing in the sky, throwing a spear of fire at Tsukune, who was too petrified to dodge.

"Why can't you save your own damn SELF?!" I demanded, jumping in the way. I looked at it at that moment and back to Kuyo. "I'm sorry was that supposed to hurt?" I asked, but then the fire spread to my whole body.

Holy shit!

[We REALLY need to learn not to be such a smartass.]

"Well, well. Looks like you spoke too soon. As for human monster coexistence, I hope that ridiculous idea dies with that fool." Kuyo said.

I screamed and acted like it was hurting me, but then smirked and made it all go to one hand, then dispersed it, much to Kuyo's fury. "Sorry, but it doesn't really work when you throw fire at a fire demon." I smirked, stepping forward, then looked at Moka and took off the Rosary. The whole transformation happened again and Kuyo looked somewhat pleased.

"Well, well. And S class Super monster, eh? Taking down one of those will certainly boost my reputation." He smirked.

"Sorry to say, but she's not your opponent." I said, stepping up in front with everyone EXCEPT her and Tsukune. "We will be." I said.

"What?! Then why did you bother waking me up?!" She demanded.

"Cool it. If by some miracle, this douche DOES beat us, he'll be too weak to come anywhere close to harming you. You need to protect that pussy if he beats or gets passed us." I told her (By the way, this will be a lot different from the real fight. But there wasn't enough action in that one, anyway. They mostly just stood still and waited for him to do something).

"And the rest of us are gonna kick his ass!" Gin said, going into his monster form and rushing at Kuyo.

"Gin, wait!" I said, reaching out, but too late. Kuyo turned into his monster form: A large, fiery fox and smirked, easily knocking Gin back.

"Oh, my god, it's Naruto!" I shouted.

"He's a fox demon!" Ruby said.

"Demon?!" Yukari asked.

"Yes. And a powerful one. His kind was sometimes worshipped as gods in ancient times." She explained.

"To slay a god." I said in Sephiroth's voice.

"Demons worshipped as gods, huh? That's like the opposite of each other." Damion said.

"You're powers better not disappoint. But no matter how strong you are, they'll pale in comparison to mine!" He said.

"Shut the hell up!" Gin said, rushing in and doing much better now, landing some devastating attacks.

"Alright, Gin! Toss him here!" I said, getting ready to attack. Gin slammed his foot into Kuyo's face and launched him right at me. "Falcon… PUNCH!" I said, throwing a heavy punch into the middle of Kuyo's back, then Damion did a spear kick, sending Kuyo skidding back across the ground.

"Now it's my turn!" Mizore said, jumping up high into the air, throwing dozens of ice projectiles.

"Pathetic! You've just bought yourself a death sentence!" He said, spitting a fireball, easily melting all the projectiles and directly hitting Mizore, knocking her out of the sky, way back.

"Oh, shit!" I said, pulling out a bean bag chair and throwing it where she was going to land. She landed in it perfectly, but she was scorched. There's no way she could stay in the fight.

"Humans and monsters are enemies and always will be!" Kuyo shouted.

"Obviously not! We're living proof of that!" Kurumu snapped.

"Not for long." He said.

Damion was silent, looking back at Mizore in shock. Then, he released all of his monster energy. **"You BASTAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRD! I'M GOING TO DESTROY EVERY SINGLE SHRED OF YOUR WORTHLESS BODY!" **He shouted, rushing in and landing bone-crushing hits against the fox demon, each one shaking the area.

"[What is that?]" My head voices and Tsukune asked, all in fear.

"Pure rage, my friends. Pure rage." I said, pulling out my scouter.

"Sai, what does the scouter say about his power level?" Gin asked.

I looked in disbelief and took it off. "It's over 9,000!" I said, crushing it.

"Damion, let me in on this! I owe him for last year!" Gin said and rushed in, also doing massive damage to the demon.

"You bastards! I can't believe little shrimp like you could actually hurt me!" He said, but then made a massive fire wheel, smashing them both with it and blowing them up, sending their unconscious bodies skidding back across the ground.

"Damn, come on, guys! Snap out of it, wake up! He was doing so well!" I said, trying to shake them both awake.

"Hey, I think he's changing back to human form!" Yukari said happily.

"No, he's not! He's changing into a different monster altogether!" Ruby said in fear.

It's true, he was now a two-legged, shiny, white fox demon that kind of looked like Naruto's ultimate form except with a fire tail and black markings on its chest. "You should be fortunate! Not many are lucky enough to see my true form. NOW DIE!" He said, shooting something from his hand.

"No!" I said, jumping at it and taking the full hit, even though I blocked, it felt like enough to kill me. When the smoke cleared, everyone was down except me and I was on one knee. "Yeah… Take that, asshole. I can take anything you can throw at me- oh, god there go my organs!" I said, collapsing.

"Well, well, you weren't all you were cracked up to be after all. Now to kill that human." He said, stepping over the bodies of everyone else to get to Tsukune and Moka.

"Can't let you do that, Star Fox." I said confidently.

He turned around and was shocked to see I was still standing with my arms crossed, giving him a confident, badass smirk like Vegeta. "What?! You survived that?!" He said in fear.

[Surprise!]

"No! How!?" He demanded.

"Senzu bean." I said, tossing them into everyone else's mouth, instantly reviving them, making Kuyo jump back.

"How dare you!" He roared.

"Now, then, where were we?!" Damion asked.

"No, let me handle this. Mano-a-mano. Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire." I said.

"Oh, yes, by all means, but if a simple attack like that put you down, you stand no chance against me!" Kuyo said, smirking once again.

"Laugh while you can, Kuyo. For I can now see the height of your power. While I am only beginning to tap into mine." I said.

"You know, I've read this fanfiction, I can't help but feel like we've been here before." He said.

"That's right. You're not dealing with the average, run of the mill monster, anymore. I've risen beyond the limits of a normal monster and into the realm of legend! The legend that many fear. Known throughout the monster world as the most powerful warrior to ever exist!" I said.

"Oh, my god, this IS happening again!" He said.

"I, Sai Kunai Blade, have become, A SUPER SAIYAN! 3!" I said, powering up to Super Saiyan 1, then 2, then, finally, 3. I know kind of looked like a redhead Sephiroth.

"Whoa, that power…" Gin said.

"It's over 9,000!" Damion said, crushing his scouter.

"Is that still even Sai?!" Yukari asked.

"I don't know. But his hair is BEAUTIFUL!" Kurumu said in awe.

"Ooooooh…." Everyone said, admiring my hair.

"You still are no match for my power! A Super Saiyan is insignificant compared to me!" Kuyo roared.

"…. Bitch, you just jealous o' mah Supa Saiyan Swagger." I said, pointing at him. "Tsukune! Play me some fight music. Something to do with fire." I said.

Kuyo and I got ready to attack each other when suddenly; Tsukune played "Burn" by Ellie Goulding. "REALLY?" We both asked, looking at him.

"You said fire related." He said.

"I was thinking something more rock or metal, like Inside the Fire by Disturbed, or Through the Fire and the Flame by Dragonforce. I mean, I like this song, but it's not really something I can hurt someone to." I said. Then looked at Kuyo. "Wanna try it?" I asked.

"We can TRY." He said.

We then got ready to fight again and started throwing attacks and dodging them. He was about to punch me in the face and I was going to drill him in the stomach, but then we both stopped. "Wait, stop." He said.

"Yeah, no, you're right, I can't fight to this. You know what? Just play Hero by Skillet." I said, stopping and looking back at Tsukune.

"Okay." He said, playing it.

I closed my eyes and nodded my head to the rhythm peacefully, then opened them up when the words started. "Let's see what the fox says when it's in pain." I said in a badass tone, rushing in.

"Okay, now THAT is a pretty epic one-liner." Damion said.

I dodged his claw and kicked him in the side, sending him flying, then disappeared and reappeared where he was flying to, brought both hands together and smashed him in the face, sending him back to the ground. I then landed on the other side of the area from him and smirked. "Pathetic." I said.

"Give me a break! I'm not even close to done yet! You can't beat me!" He said.

"I think I just was a second ago." I said.

"That was before! When I use my full power, you'll be crushed!" He laughed.

Jeez. And I thought Vegeta was bitchy and arrogant.

[Just like Moka says, we'll have to make him learn his place.]

"Laugh while you can, Kuyo. Because I'm about to rock you…" I said, making a fairly large chunk of stone come up out of the roof as the song began playing. "…Like a hurricane." I said, throwing the rock at him, but he broke it easily by slapping it out of the way. "Huh. Should 'a known that was only a one hit wonder." I said.

[Still a good song.]

And it's totally badass when we do that.

"Okay then, if that didn't work, let me tell you a tale." I said, manipulating fire to alter my form and shapeshift into Frieza, then slammed my tail into his face, sending him flying into the roof entrance. "The end." I smirked, changing back.

[We should keep on him. Don't give him a chance to recover]

Yeah. Too bad our ultimate attack won't work.

(Oh, I know! We need to use that here!)

[Yeah, but we have to charge it… For 5 minutes. And considering he beat us to a pulp in under one, I don't think it's in the cards.]

"Very true. We'll just have to weaken him more. Then use it as a fatality." I said, rushing in, grabbing Kuyo, uppercutting him into the air, then firing a Torn Sky Blast into his chest, sending him flying down towards the group. "Tsukune! Your turn! Hurry up and blast him with all your strength! Before he has time to DODGE!" I shouted. The word registered in Tsukune's head and he dodged in fear. "DAMN YOU, PAVLOV!" I shouted.

The channel changed all of a sudden. "For those of you wondering who Pavlov is, back in 1904-." The news reporter started.

"Get back to the fight!" Deadpool said, kicking his TV.

"And now- back to the fight." The reporter said as the channel changed back.

Damion threw a strong kick to Kuyo's face; sending him flying passed me, face first into the stone rail of the roof. "Sai, do it now!" Damion said.

"Got it!" I said, charging up my attack.

You think he'll stay down long enough to use this?

[Well, he's getting back up, but at this rate, we should have it charged when he gets up.]

(Da da da da, DUH, duh duh DUH duh duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh, I'mma Chargin' my attack!) I sang in my head, finally having my attack charged up, seven fireballs the size of baseballs spinning around me incredibly fast, then came together, spiraled around each other into one large basketball sized fireball, into my hands, ready to fire, kinda looking like I was about to fire a Kamehameha.

Kuyo finally stood up and his tail began spinning in another fire wheel. "You've been a problem for a while; I should've killed you a lot sooner!" He said as he made the next fire wheel.

"Sai now would be a really good time to fire that." Damion said.

"I may be a problem for you, but I've got 99 problems. And your number's one!" I said (in other words, he was my number one problem).

"Die!" He said, throwing the fire wheel.

"Unity of the seven hells!" I said, shooting the deadly blast of hellfire.

"You think that will do it?" Tsukune asked.

"If it's his most powerful attack, it has to." Moka said.

The attacks collided and blew up the entire half of the roof we were on in a massive, spirally, fiery explosion, engulfing both of us.

"HOLY SHIT!" Every other member of the newspaper club said.

When the smoke and dust cleared, I was panting heavily, holding my right arm, back in my base form, while Kuyo was on the ground, now a scorched corpse, but still recognizable. Just dead. "Badass, they name is Sai." I said, dropping to one knee.

"Sai!" Tsukune said, running up to me, followed by everyone else. "You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, I have taken worse than this before. Ironically, that also happened while I was saving your ass. Did everyone see that? Because I will NOT be doing it again." I said.

"Yeah, don't worry, I was recording it." Damion said, posting it on YouTube.

"And I'm going to fall asleep to it every night." Moka smirked.

"Jesus fucking CHRIST, I'VE MISSED YOU!" I said to her, then looked at Kuyo. "You were good, kid, real good. But as long as I'm around, you'll always be second-best, see?" I said like a mob boss.

"Hey, are you gonna be okay?" Gin asked me.

"Yeah, you need a stretcher or anything?" Damion asked.

"Give me a break. I'm a demon; all this will heal up in about an hour. I've done this before. Still don't like it." I said.

Then the rest of the school burst in. They were all shocked and surprised to see that Kuyo was dead, saying things like "what happened?", "Is that Kuyo?", "Holy shit!", "I don't believe it" and my favorite "kicked his ass!". "I'm so glad you are all okay. And you certainly showed that Kuyo a thing or two." Ms. Nekonome said.

"Yep. All me baby! Let's celebrate, huh? Anybody got some lemonade? I got some vodka! Let's have a party!" I said.

"But wait, what about the human! Let's kill him!" One student said, rushing at Tsukune with a stick.

"Gin, sic 'em." I said, pointing and he attacked.

He rushed in and kicked the dude into another end of the building. "I warned him. Using a stick is just asking for trouble." He said.

"Gin, you just kicked him through a building!" I said.

"So?" He asked.

"So…. Are you on steroids? If so, could I have some?" I asked.

"Come on, let's just kill the human already!" Another student snapped.

"No, hold up, wait!" I said, knocking Tsukune down onto his hands and knees and standing on his back as somewhat of a stage/stool to speak on. "This is Yokai Academy after all. We're supposed to support monster/human coexistence. From this day forth, the Newspaper club shall also double as the NEW, much less corrupt and in no way evil, security committee. And as our first order of business, we will be condoning humans to freely enter this school and if anyone does any act of violence against a human student, they will have to immediately answer to us for severe punishment." I said, crossing my arms.

"What?! No way!" One guy asked.

"That's stupid!" Another one said.

"You and humans can go to hell!" Some girl called out.

"Do I hear objections?!" I asked evilly, stretching my arms out and lighting my hands on fire.

Everyone went silent. Then, some other dude spoke up. "Hey, humans aren't that bad in the first place. Besides, you gave Kuyo a much-deserved ass-kicking!" Some dude said cheerfully as I stepped down, patting me on the back a few times.

"Ah! Don't do that! Still sore!" I said, acting like I was in pain, but then lightened up. "Nah, I'm just kidding, it's fine." I said.

"I guess I can finally say this, that damn security committee made my life a living hell!" Another guy cheered, also patting me on the back.

"Nobody better try to dump the tank of sports drink on me." I said, half-jokingly.

"Yeah, they made mine a hell, too!" Another guy said.

"You've made things better for all of us, Sai!" Some girl said.

Another dude ran in front of us all, waving his arms in the air. "Hey, guys! What do you say we heist our new school heroes in the air?!" The group cheered, picking us all up, Tsukune included, tossing up and down in the air.

"Whoa, this is fun!" Gin said.

"I could get used to this hero thing!" Damion agreed.

"Watch where you're touching, boys! Only Sai can touch me in those places!" Kurumu warned.

(Ugh…)

[Yep. We've got 99 problems…]

But a bitch DEFINITELY isn't one.

"Okay, put me down! I'm starting to get sick!" I said urgently, but I had a feeling they wouldn't do that for a while.


End file.
